Moving on

Beyond Saving
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Moving on

My brother called me twice in a row so I answered. My father passed away yesterday from a heart attack at age 78. We had a very turbulent relationship. Both of us were very opinionated and strong individuals. And when we clashed, it was cats and dogs, fight to the finish. We would fight over the stupidist shit, like whether a god damned loon was black with white spots or white with black splotches, 

I have gone through periods where I hated him, but I know that everything he did was out of love for me. He was the kind of man who was a well decorated war veteran from Vietnam, and I didn't know a thing about it until I signed with the corps and he pulled out his medals and shared his stories. As a member of a chopper crew during the evacuation, he saw soldiers coming back from the worst the war had to offer. He put his ass on the line to get our guys out of danger countless times.

He disciplened my ass with the belt when I was young, but he taught me everything he knew about business and how to sneak up on a rabbit.

      We were never closer than when we were in the woods together on a hunt. We shared a connection and knew what the other was doing through nothing more than experience and instinct. We hunted across the country from Arizona to Maine, Alaska to Newfoundland. The trip we shared to Brazil was one of the best times of my life. I wish more than anything that shit didn't keep getting in the way when we planned our trips to Africa. We quarrelled like two cats in a cage, but there are few people in this world I have ever respected more, few who have given it right back at me as strong as I gave. If anything, we were too alike. We were supposed to meet in Colorado this year, goodbye my friend, goodbye father, you have made me the man I am today, I hope it meets your expectations because god damn it I would give it all up for but one more day with you. 

If, if a white man puts his arm around me voluntarily, that's brotherhood. But if you - if you hold a gun on him and make him embrace me and pretend to be friendly or brotherly toward me, then that's not brotherhood, that's hypocrisy.- Malcolm X


zarathustra
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My first thread here dealt

My first thread here dealt with my father's passing. 

I didn't get along with my father, and truth be told, I'm glad he's gone.  However, at the wake, it was gratifying to meet people that had known him, and hear how he had helped them; whereby I had to conclude that even if he wasn't a good father or husband, his net contribution to others was positive.


Moving on was not exceedingly difficult for me, as life became easier without the constant fighting that he instigated.  Yet, I can't say I've moved on completely, as I still get angry at him; though I know full well this is futile since he's gone; and certainly not "watching from heaven", as my mom still believes.

 

Best wishes. 

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My condolences. I really

My condolences.

I really suck at this kind of thing. I always feel like there's something I should say, but never figure it out well enough to say it.

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My deepest sympathies to you

My deepest sympathies to you and your family on the passing of your father.


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  Sorry for the passing of

  Sorry for the passing of your father Beyond.  Very similar relationship with my own dad.  My tears at his funeral were a complete shock to me.  Our relationships with our parents can sometimes be a very weird thing.     Condolences.

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man, that sucks. i'm so



man, that sucks. i'm so sorry to hear that. i also have a complicated relationship with my father, but for the opposite reasons. my father is practically a pacifist, though he doesn't subscribe to that (or any other) philosophy. a perforated eardrum kept him out of nam, despite the efforts of a nasty, bloodthirsty bitch of a recruiter, who kept wanting to call him up, even though the county's quota was always being filled by volunteers. she had some sort of vendetta against him, i guess. he told me he would have gone to nam, of course, but that he certainly would have died because he could never have brought himself to shoot at another human.

my parents divorced when i was three and my father never laid a hand on me whenever i visited, even though he should have often. my mother was the disciplinarian. because of all this i once thought he was a coward, but now i know he's anything but. he's a dirt-poor farmer and carpenter in eastern kentucky, and he likes his life how it is (except that he sees me very seldom--i'm his only child). i dread his death more than anyone's except my wife's or children's (and obviously i don't expect their deaths). i know it will utterly shatter me. my father has always represented everything sweet and comfortable and familiar in my life. his face is the first i see when i think of "home."

i hope this won't hurt you, beyond (if you listen to it), but maybe to cry is therapeutic. this song always makes me tear up. this song is for all the errant sons, and their daddies.



"I have never felt comfortable around people who talk about their feelings for Jesus, or any other deity for that matter, because they are usually none too bright. . . . Or maybe 'stupid' is a better way of saying it; but I have never seen much point in getting heavy with either stupid people or Jesus freaks, just as long as they don't bother me. In a world as weird and cruel as this one we have made for ourselves, I figure anybody who can find peace and personal happiness without ripping off somebody else deserves to be left alone. They will not inherit the earth, but then neither will I. . . . And I have learned to live, as it were, with the idea that I will never find peace and happiness, either. But as long as I know there's a pretty good chance I can get my hands on either one of them every once in a while, I do the best I can between high spots."
--Hunter S. Thompson


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 Sorry to hear that Beyond,

 Sorry to hear that Beyond, that sucks for anyone. My adoptive mom is still arround, and like your dad, my mom and I fought all the time too. We still fight sometimes, but for the same reasons, we are both opinionated and stubborn. I lost my adoptive dad at 13. 

Never easy to lose a loved one. 

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Soothing touch . . .

 

 Soothing touch . . .
 

 

      

       http://tinypic.com/r/34zdizr/8

 

 

 

 

        They say a hand made thing means much more   This is the closest thing I could come to a half way appropriate  '' Card '', in this link's image (See: Here or Below) --


 http://out.ffrf.org/billboard/123.jpg



 
 

Mod edit: This post was messing up the formatting of the page somehow. Fixed.


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So sorry Byond.....

I never know what to say when these things happen. My father passed 18 years ago; he use to drag me off hunting and fishing also; I hated every second of it. When I was 14 I finally said NO. He loved C&W, or "cowboy music" as he called it, I love Pavarotti & Beethoven and I can sing basso/baritone to either, Dad couldn't sing C&W but thought he could. A WWII veteran, he volunteered In Canada's army at age 17 but never got out of boot camp before the war ended; we never had anything in common, he never hit a kid, wouldn't think of it and he had seven of us. His youngest son (of 4)was most like him but I don't think he noticed. He got along with his oldest child (big sister Dottie) and his oldest son (me) but didn't seem to notice he had five other children; go figure? The sense of lose does fade with time and you will get through this. Good luck Byond.

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Sorry to hear

 I am sorry to hear about this Beyond. I had a love/hate relationship with my own father. Condolences. 

“It is proof of a base and low mind for one to wish to think with the masses or majority, merely because the majority is the majority. Truth does not change because it is, or is not, believed by a majority of the people.”
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zarathustra wrote:My first

zarathustra wrote:

My first thread here dealt with my father's passing. 

I didn't get along with my father, and truth be told, I'm glad he's gone.  However, at the wake, it was gratifying to meet people that had known him, and hear how he had helped them; whereby I had to conclude that even if he wasn't a good father or husband, his net contribution to others was positive.


Moving on was not exceedingly difficult for me, as life became easier without the constant fighting that he instigated.  Yet, I can't say I've moved on completely, as I still get angry at him; though I know full well this is futile since he's gone; and certainly not "watching from heaven", as my mom still believes.

 

Best wishes. 

A mere 10 years ago I would have felt exactly the same. I don't know if towards the end of his life my dad had mellowed or if I had become more tolerant of all his shit. Thank you.

If, if a white man puts his arm around me voluntarily, that's brotherhood. But if you - if you hold a gun on him and make him embrace me and pretend to be friendly or brotherly toward me, then that's not brotherhood, that's hypocrisy.- Malcolm X


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Vastet wrote:My condolences.

Vastet wrote:
My condolences. I really suck at this kind of thing. I always feel like there's something I should say, but never figure it out well enough to say it.

There isn't shit that you can say, words can't change reality. But I remember when you lost your friend Tim and made a short post about it that touched me. Some random person that for all I know I walked by at a gas station at some point in my life and was completely irrelevant. He was brought into relevance because he was someone that was important to you. Continuing on as a memory might not be much, but it is something.

If, if a white man puts his arm around me voluntarily, that's brotherhood. But if you - if you hold a gun on him and make him embrace me and pretend to be friendly or brotherly toward me, then that's not brotherhood, that's hypocrisy.- Malcolm X


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digitalbeachbum wrote:My

digitalbeachbum wrote:

My deepest sympathies to you and your family on the passing of your father.

Thank you.

If, if a white man puts his arm around me voluntarily, that's brotherhood. But if you - if you hold a gun on him and make him embrace me and pretend to be friendly or brotherly toward me, then that's not brotherhood, that's hypocrisy.- Malcolm X


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ProzacDeathWish wrote: 

ProzacDeathWish wrote:

  Sorry for the passing of your father Beyond.  Very similar relationship with my own dad.  My tears at his funeral were a complete shock to me.  Our relationships with our parents can sometimes be a very weird thing.     Condolences.

It has been up and down. At least I don't have any kids to fuck up with a complicated relationship. Thank you.

If, if a white man puts his arm around me voluntarily, that's brotherhood. But if you - if you hold a gun on him and make him embrace me and pretend to be friendly or brotherly toward me, then that's not brotherhood, that's hypocrisy.- Malcolm X


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iwbiek wrote: man, that

iwbiek wrote:


man, that sucks. i'm so sorry to hear that. i also have a complicated relationship with my father, but for the opposite reasons. my father is practically a pacifist, though he doesn't subscribe to that (or any other) philosophy. a perforated eardrum kept him out of nam, despite the efforts of a nasty, bloodthirsty bitch of a recruiter, who kept wanting to call him up, even though the county's quota was always being filled by volunteers. she had some sort of vendetta against him, i guess. he told me he would have gone to nam, of course, but that he certainly would have died because he could never have brought himself to shoot at another human.

my parents divorced when i was three and my father never laid a hand on me whenever i visited, even though he should have often. my mother was the disciplinarian. because of all this i once thought he was a coward, but now i know he's anything but. he's a dirt-poor farmer and carpenter in eastern kentucky, and he likes his life how it is (except that he sees me very seldom--i'm his only child). i dread his death more than anyone's except my wife's or children's (and obviously i don't expect their deaths). i know it will utterly shatter me. my father has always represented everything sweet and comfortable and familiar in my life. his face is the first i see when i think of "home."

i hope this won't hurt you, beyond (if you listen to it), but maybe to cry is therapeutic. this song always makes me tear up. this song is for all the errant sons, and their daddies.



Yes I listened, and yes I balled my eyes out. My favorite bartender has a rule against country music being played on the jukebox because it makes men cry in their drinks. Got a special dispensation the other night, it was bourbon and country gold all night long. Thank you. 

If, if a white man puts his arm around me voluntarily, that's brotherhood. But if you - if you hold a gun on him and make him embrace me and pretend to be friendly or brotherly toward me, then that's not brotherhood, that's hypocrisy.- Malcolm X


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Brian37 wrote: Sorry to

Brian37 wrote:

 Sorry to hear that Beyond, that sucks for anyone. My adoptive mom is still arround, and like your dad, my mom and I fought all the time too. We still fight sometimes, but for the same reasons, we are both opinionated and stubborn. I lost my adoptive dad at 13. 

Never easy to lose a loved one. 

You? Opinionated and stubborn? I don't believe it Sticking out tongue Thank you.

If, if a white man puts his arm around me voluntarily, that's brotherhood. But if you - if you hold a gun on him and make him embrace me and pretend to be friendly or brotherly toward me, then that's not brotherhood, that's hypocrisy.- Malcolm X


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danatemporary wrote:They say

danatemporary wrote:

They say a hand made thing means much more   This is the closest thing I could come to a half way appropriate

It is more perfect than you know. Thank you dana <3

If, if a white man puts his arm around me voluntarily, that's brotherhood. But if you - if you hold a gun on him and make him embrace me and pretend to be friendly or brotherly toward me, then that's not brotherhood, that's hypocrisy.- Malcolm X


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Jeffrick wrote:

Jeffrick wrote:
I never know what to say when these things happen. My father passed 18 years ago; he use to drag me off hunting and fishing also; I hated every second of it. When I was 14 I finally said NO. He loved C&W, or "cowboy music" as he called it, I love Pavarotti & Beethoven and I can sing basso/baritone to either, Dad couldn't sing C&W but thought he could. A WWII veteran, he volunteered In Canada's army at age 17 but never got out of boot camp before the war ended; we never had anything in common, he never hit a kid, wouldn't think of it and he had seven of us. His youngest son (of 4)was most like him but I don't think he noticed. He got along with his oldest child (big sister Dottie) and his oldest son (me) but didn't seem to notice he had five other children; go figure? The sense of lose does fade with time and you will get through this. Good luck Byond.

Not being able to sing gets you halfway to being a country star. Thank you.

If, if a white man puts his arm around me voluntarily, that's brotherhood. But if you - if you hold a gun on him and make him embrace me and pretend to be friendly or brotherly toward me, then that's not brotherhood, that's hypocrisy.- Malcolm X


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harleysportster wrote: I am

harleysportster wrote:

 I am sorry to hear about this Beyond. I had a love/hate relationship with my own father. Condolences. 

Thank you.

If, if a white man puts his arm around me voluntarily, that's brotherhood. But if you - if you hold a gun on him and make him embrace me and pretend to be friendly or brotherly toward me, then that's not brotherhood, that's hypocrisy.- Malcolm X


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It is a funny thing the

It is a funny thing the internet. In many ways, it allows careful control over how you portray yourself, but on the other hand, sharing only what you affirmatively decide to share creates a more honest portrayal of who you really are than is possible in person. I've been here almost 7 years now and this is the only site that I have been comfortable enough with to share the real life shit with and most of the time is one of the first places I check for updates when I get online. I don't know if I'll ever meet any of you in "real life", the only person on here I knew outside the site was Nero who was my last employer before I was successful enough to not need an employer and the person who introduced me to this site and who knows where the fuck he is now. Though I might never shake your hand or see your faces, you are friends.

If, if a white man puts his arm around me voluntarily, that's brotherhood. But if you - if you hold a gun on him and make him embrace me and pretend to be friendly or brotherly toward me, then that's not brotherhood, that's hypocrisy.- Malcolm X


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 OK. Is it just me or is

 OK. Is it just me or is this thread completely hosed. There is no OP. It starts on message #8. There is no "bottom" to it. The right side is whacked out too.

Oh, I see. It starts at message #8, then it goes down to the last message, then it starts again with the OP, then it stops again at Dana's whacky formated post.


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I can't fix it this time.

I can't fix it this time. All the edit options are missing for Dana's post.

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Vastet wrote:I can't fix it

Vastet wrote:
I can't fix it this time. All the edit options are missing for Dana's post.

Well I'm glad it wasn't just me. I thought I was drunk when I started viewing this thread.


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Beyond Saving wrote:Brian37

Beyond Saving wrote:

Brian37 wrote:

 Sorry to hear that Beyond, that sucks for anyone. My adoptive mom is still arround, and like your dad, my mom and I fought all the time too. We still fight sometimes, but for the same reasons, we are both opinionated and stubborn. I lost my adoptive dad at 13. 

Never easy to lose a loved one. 

You? Opinionated and stubborn? I don't believe it Sticking out tongue Thank you.

The world would be a boring place if we kissed each others asses, not that that would taste good in any case.

What was that Voltair said?

"We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus -- and nonbelievers."Obama
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Vastet wrote:I can't fix it

Vastet wrote:
I can't fix it this time. All the edit options are missing for Dana's post.

It was at the top of the page. Lol.

Our revels now are ended. These our actors, | As I foretold you, were all spirits, and | Are melted into air, into thin air; | And, like the baseless fabric of this vision, | The cloud-capped towers, the gorgeous palaces, | The solemn temples, the great globe itself, - Yea, all which it inherit, shall dissolve, | And, like this insubstantial pageant faded, | Leave not a rack behind. We are such stuff | As dreams are made on, and our little life | Is rounded with a sleep. - Shakespeare


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butterbattle wrote:Vastet

butterbattle wrote:

Vastet wrote:
I can't fix it this time. All the edit options are missing for Dana's post.

It was at the top of the page. Lol.

lol I'll look there next time.

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Hi Beyond

 

 

Yeah, losing your old man is a difficult thing, especially if it's sudden. Relive all those great times you had together and never stop arguing with him in your head.

 

"Experiments are the only means of knowledge at our disposal. The rest is poetry, imagination." Max Planck