Could use some advice please.

Zeeboe
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Could use some advice please.

In just about two months, I am going to be a 30-year old man and I have a problem and *really* need some advice. My place of work is moving in January 2013. That is a problem for me since I don't have a car. I also am very short on cash, so even if they were not moving, I am kinda going to be in a tough spot regardless.

My lease for my current apartment is not going to be up until February and I am going to have to car-pool with a co-worker in the mean time who lives nearby when work moves and I'd have to kick in for gas money. And if I were to say - Stay at my current apartment or move back in with my parents forever, I'd have to spend the rest of my life depending on my co-worker to drive me, and I know that cannot be a permanent thing. I have to be independent. So....should I just live with my parents for a little while...as in longer then six months and take cabs to work or should I live with my parents for six months, save money, depend on co-workers to drive me to work, THEN move into another apartment that is close to the new location where I can walk to work from that point on?

There are pros and cons to both and I will name just a few below. (If you'd like to go ahead and skip the rest of this post, that is fine, but I thought I should add some of the pros and cons.)

Pros for living with my parents - I don't have to worry about money ever again - I can travel to places I always dreamed of going to such as England, NYC, Amish Country, etc. I can also buy an awesome 3-D TV, and can buy pricey Halloween stuff since I love Halloween.

The cons - I'm a grown man living with his parents. Smiling And essentially I would become a major man-child.

As far as how I would have to get to work - Again, after bumming rides from co-workers for a while, I know I'd have to start taking a taxi and since money would know longer be a problem for me, it would be alright and I could just use my credit card to pay for rides.

 

Pros to the apartment - After living with my parents for six months, I could save mony, and move out. The rent at the new apartment is a little cheaper then my current apartment, and the walk to my work would not be nearly as long as it currently is. I currently have to walk for thirty minutes to get to my job, but the new walk would only be roughly fifteen minutes and I could walk back and fourth during the day. i.e. During lunch. Whereas if I lived with my parents, I'd have to bring my lunch and stay at work all day, and never get to leave.
 
Cons - The apartment is faaaaar away from all my family and friends and I'd be all alone, which could be seen as a good or bad thing. i.e. I have to learn to depend on myself more and could build some character. I mean, people over ten years younger then me move away to new cities for college all the time. But there are no grocery stores near-by though for me to walk to. I'd probably have to get a deep freezer and get together with family members, and go to the store once a month, and just stock up on stuff. I also could not enjoy any "fun" stuff at all. All money would have to go towards rent and bills.

This is a very tough choice. My heart tells me I need to be a man, and not leach off my parents. I am almost 30-years old. I shouldn't rely on "Mommy and Daddy" to carry me in life, ya know? I am gonna be 40 one day perhaps, and I just hate to become like those guys from "Step Brothers". But you also only live once and trips to London, England and watching 3D TV's, and owning movie quality Halloween costumes sound kinda fun. Smiling lol.

I need to make the right choice. It's so symbolic that I am faced with this choice at the exact same time that I approach a new chapter in my life - My thirties, and it is also an election year which adds to the symbolism of it all. When I first moved out of my parents house almost four years ago, it was also election time. In closing, I admit, I am not the man I wish I could be, but it is what it is and I have to work with what I have so if anyone can nicely tell me what they think I should do, it would help me a lot. Smiling


Sapient
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 Take the route that allows

 Take the route that allows you to save for some time.  You figure out how to get to work but as far as living arrangements, I vote for living with your parents for a while, and skipping the fancy trips and expenditures.  Skip the movie quality halloween stuff, skip the trip overseas, put all of that money in to some means of saving.  Make saving money your primary goal.    Create a long term savings account like a money market account at Vanguard.  The minimum investment is $3,000.  Take the Halloween money and the England trip money and save it til you reach $3,000 and open the money market.  Vanguard is better than all other financial instutions.  Once you have a money market account you can shuffle money from your short term savings into your long term savings with ease. When you feel like spending money on something, take the money and "spend" it on putting it in to your long term savings.

The 3d tv is overrated, don't spend more than $600 on a TV... and that's the very high end!

Get yourself to the point where you have enough money for 6-9 months of living expenses in your long term savings, but set yourself up so that you don't need to use it.  Earn enough money to cover your monthly expenses and within a year or two move back out of your parents.  Don't waste the time at your parents place by being frivolous with your money.  I'm a father, if my son needs to live with me when he is 30, I'd be disappointed in him if I saw him going on an overseas trip because he couldn't afford to live on his own.  

SAVE!  You can always spend it later.  For now, focus on getting back on track.

 

 

 

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harleysportster
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I think

I think I would go ahead and live with my parents, if it is a viable option.

Trust me, in today's economy it is pretty difficult for one person to make it solely on their own.

Eveyone that I know, either has a significant other like me (were it not for both of our incomes combined, we would not be able to live as good as we do) shares a place with a room mate or still lives at home.

Most people that I know on my income bracket simply can not make it solely on their own. (Oh it would be possible and I have done it before, and I am not implying that I am with my girlfriend solely for income convenience. I am just saying that two paychecks going into a rental house are better than one).

Plus, I wouldn't pass up a chance to go to England and such.I had some opportunities when I was a bit younger and wish I had not passed them by. Even if they had not worked out, I always wondered what might have been if I had taken the chance.

Yeah, there could be some level of pride when it comes to living with family at an older age, but I wouldn't let that hold me back.

The popular meme that everyone leaves home at 18 and never returns is probably not as common as most people believe.

I remember a redneck comedian named Jerry Clower that once said "Parents are relieved when their children get grown, married and move away. But I go some bad news. THEY'RE COMING BACK ! AND THEY'RE BRINGING MORE WITH THEM ! "  Smiling

 

“It is proof of a base and low mind for one to wish to think with the masses or majority, merely because the majority is the majority. Truth does not change because it is, or is not, believed by a majority of the people.”
― Giordano Bruno


Cpt_pineapple
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I personally would try to

I personally would try to stay out of my parents place as much as possible, however if you must save money, than so be it. I would NOT advise spending large sums of money just because you're living with mom and dad. I saved up a shit load of money before I move out just incase something bad happened. I always make sure to save up a years of rent in my account.

 

That said I just bought a new TV for $500, but I had money saved up for it.

 

IN other words, save your money and really watch your spending.


Sapient
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Want to see England?  Buy

Want to see England?  Buy this $10 dvd, or better... look for a show to watch about England on your $500 TV.  

 

- Brian Sapient


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Cpt_pineapple
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harleysportster wrote:Plus,

harleysportster wrote:

Plus, I wouldn't pass up a chance to go to England and such.

 

I'm going to have to go with Sapient and advise against this. Go online or something, and save the money for a new place.

 

 

 


ThunderJones
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If you are staying at home

If you are staying at home to cut costs, it seems crazy to me to defeat the whole purpose of that, and then go spend all the money you are saving (and more, probably). Save, save, save.

Even if in the short term you have a boring or bad time, you will probably get over the hump and be able to have life more the way you desire.

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Beyond Saving
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Zeeboe wrote:I admit, I am

Zeeboe wrote:

I admit, I am not the man I wish I could be, but it is what it is and I have to work with what I have so if anyone can nicely tell me what they think I should do, it would help me a lot. Smiling

What do you wish to be? You are obviously completely directionless and are asking us which direction you should go. Until you decide what you want and set goals, there isn't much advice anyone can offer. Living within your means is always a good idea and if I was your father and you were living with me and spending your money on 3d tv's and trips to Europe I would toss you out into the street. But until you decide what you want, I don't think anyone can give you any advice that you might actually use and in 6 months you will be right back here posting something similar.  

It was morality that burned the books of the ancient sages, and morality that halted the free inquiry of the Golden Age and substituted for it the credulous imbecility of the Age of Faith. It was a fixed moral code and a fixed theology which robbed the human race of a thousand years by wasting them upon alchemy, heretic-burning, witchcraft and sacerdotalism.-H.L. Mencken


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F. I typed up a huge post

F. I typed up a huge post then closed the window like an idiot.

Long story short: Save up and find roommates.

Oh, and as Brian says, skip the tv. You would be kicking yourself if you bought one of those clunky projection tv's back in 2000, and 3d tvs today are effectively no different. Go Sony, Samsung, or Toshiba. They are the best by far. LED, backlit. 1080p. Don't bother with more than 120hz, your eyes can't tell the difference. Don't bother with 3d, it's still in its infancy and has yet to see a standard model. Also, there are glasses-less 3d tv's being worked on, and you don't want to be one of the only people who needs to wear glasses to see 3d in ten years.
Shouldn't cost you more than 500-800, depending on the size. Pick it up on black Friday if in the US, or if in Canada, boxing day, for maximum savings.

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cj
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Aren't you the guy

Who was having problems with his fundamentalist family?  If so,

Moving in with your parents may make economic sense, but they may put conditions on it.  Like, you have to go to church with them.  You may have to pay them rent.  You may have to do chores.  And there may be other stuff.  Have you asked?  "IF I were to move in, what would you want in return?"  As a parent, I would have conditions, though mine would be about money and chores.

Whether the conditions are something you could handle is up to you.  If you do decide that you can move in and keep your sanity intact, then I agree with the rest, save your money, don't spend it.  Do plan on contributing to the household budget, even if it is not a condition your parents impose and even if only buying groceries frequently, it is only fair and what would be expected if you were rooming with someone else.

 

-- I feel so much better since I stopped trying to believe.

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Zeeboe
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Thank you all for the

Thank you all for the great advice. I guess I need to figure out what is more important - Being independent, but not having a lot, or having the best of everything, but essentially leeching off my parents for the rest of my life. I know a lot of people move back home with parents when things are tough, but most move back out eventually. Smiling

 

My folks wouldn't mind if I moved back, and they wouldn't really force me to do anything. That's the problem - They spoil me rotten and baby me. If I was on trips to Europe, and watching 3D TV's, and partying all night, my parents would say nothing and do nothing. Heck, my poor Mom really would like for me to move back home forever, and is pushing me to do so, and is actually the one who is always selling me on the idea that I could never worry about money again if I lived at home.

Shoot, when I was unemployed a few years ago and living with them, and I was looking for work, my Ma actually discouraged me from seeking employment, and asked why I would even have a desire to work since I have it so easy at home. I love my Ma, but she's always had issues with me growing up. Smiling 

 

I was kinda scared when I first moved out, but I never showed it because I know me moving out made my poor Ma so sad, and I didn't desire to make it worst for her by admitting my fear, and I sucked up and dealt with it. I feel bad for my Ma though since she really would like to move back home, but she's really not doing me any favors by babying me forever. Truly, if I was some lazy parasite, I'd have the *perfect parents*, but I have way too much pride and self-respect to be that kind of person. I know better, and it's because I know better that I can't take advantage of my parents.
 

Having typed that, I am leaning more towards the first option - Move back home with my parents for maybe six months (and hopefully I will stay sane), save, save, save, and then move back out. Self-respect is very important and is priceless. I will even admit that I was honestly leaning towards the first option even before making the thread. I do that often. I have a problem and know the answer, but I seek advice, and I think I am really just needing other humans to tell me my choice is okay.


harleysportster
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Zeeboe wrote: Having

Zeeboe wrote:

 

Having typed that, I am leaning more towards the first option - Move back home with my parents for maybe six months (and hopefully I will stay sane), save, save, save, and then move back out. Self-respect is very important and is priceless. I will even admit that I was honestly leaning towards the first option even before making the thread. I do that often. I have a problem and know the answer, but I seek advice, and I think I am really just needing other humans to tell me my choice is okay.

99% of the time in my life when I have asked for advice, I already had my mind already made up prior. I just needed to find some people to agree with me on it. Which is one of the reasons that I usually don't ask for advice unless I am totally clueless as to how to proceed. Which I find is not very often when I listen to my own intuition.

“It is proof of a base and low mind for one to wish to think with the masses or majority, merely because the majority is the majority. Truth does not change because it is, or is not, believed by a majority of the people.”
― Giordano Bruno


Sapient
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Zeeboe wrote:Having

Zeeboe wrote:

Having typed that, I am leaning more towards the first option - Move back home with my parents for maybe six months (and hopefully I will stay sane), save, save, save, and then move back out.

 

I am really just needing other humans to tell me my choice is okay.

I love that choice.  Think of saving as spending.  "Spend" money on your savings account, then treat yourself to a steak or candy bar, or beer, whatever that small dollar item is that you consider one of your favorite indulgences.  

 

- Brian Sapient


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