Another complicates situation in need of your 2 cents, dambed whatever you do...
I'll try to keep this as short as I can but it is complicated so...You guys are always good for a rational slap in the face, and theirs no dam manual for this kind of stuff and I'm totally out of gas thinking it through. I’m interested in the opinions of more freethinking progressive types, more open types than traditional "must get married, must have kids...its the only way" type of people I know what they would say here. This situation I'm in drives me absolutely nuts and I just can't get a handle on it. In a nutshell (believe me it’s a complicated tangled web), I've had a thing for the same 2 girls most of my life since I was 13 we'll call them girl 1 and girl 2, besides one other short and long gone relationship, I never really had a thing for anyone else I'm really picky and it takes me a long time to develop something of substance. I was friends with them for years and years before we crossed the line. Crossed first with girl 1 at about 25, then she sketched out knowing it would get serious and got flaky then absent in her immaturity. Soon after I ended up with girl 2 and it was fricken awesome for the brief time it lasted before she moved to California. I then caught up with a more mature girl 1 and a long term relationship inevitably followed now almost 5 years long. Last year girl 2 came back to town, and me and girl 1 have been having problems for years because of our core personality differences and we split officially and mutually on good terms a couple month ago, and I fricken love her to death and always will. The inescapable truth here, is that I have equally strong feelings for both of them, I find it impossible to let one go, and that fact just doesn't sit well with either of course lol every person understandably wanting to be singled out and special when it comes to this stuff, but in reality it isn't always the case. They are complete opposites who would lead to completely different life paths. I can't find a solid scale tipper for either, and I find it almost impossible to "choose" one and officially shun the other which I would have to do to move on with one, they are very aware of each other they've even crossed paths a few times, i have been pretty honest with them both about this dilemma. I'll probably just end up loosing em both and watching them become friends through their hatred of me or something I’m sure, lol.
Here is the downlow:
Girl 1: Could potentially be the cutest human being in the world, has a little high pitch voice and the most adorable mannerisms ever, but a little bit of a princess. Doesn't do well with the more controversial conversations, doesn't like to stand strong on an opinion would rather keep it light and not think about it, and has a hard time caring about the more intellectually stimulating things I find interesting and would rather keep it simple although she tries for my sake. Is very traditional in her values like she must have a standard wedding, and nice family with white picket fence and take the kids to soccer practice... Still visits her parents every weekend or so for dinner and has strong family relationships, very family oriented and centered. She would be an incredible mother its like she was born to be a mom. She is a little babied and has learned to whine and nag to get what she wants, has a tendency to annoy by feeling entitled and asking you to do things she is perfectly capable of doing herself like getting a drink, or turning down the heat, getting the blanket from the room... Stresses about what others thinks and picks at little things like clothes worn to dinner ("wear the black shirt babe ok" lol etc... Is the number 1 person in the world who makes me feel like I am home not just in my house, and I am totally comfortable being myself with her. If your car breaks down far from help with this one, your in for some bad moods big time like "you and this stupid car, why don't you get it checked more often, your so irresponsible, god..." Is a little lazy, and excuse making, but when motivated does show some gusto but it often dies out. Is emotionally fragile, and needy beyond my abilities of satisfying, which can be annoying at times but causes me to feel this incredibly powerful urge to be around to protect her from harm, like I can't even describe how protective I am of her. I find myself seeing us old together, and that being a good choice and fulfilling family centered life to have lived I would be proud of. To sum her up, sitting on the couch with her watching a movie and smoking a joint could be the most "right/at peace" I’ve ever felt and at our best it is perfect, but we are total and complete opposites in almost everyway and annoy the hell out of each other.
Girl 2: Is a Muse, like a fabled creature or something you can't catch, a one of a kind character who appears and disappears randomly. Is the complete opposite of naggy or picky and is a free spirit type who dances without music in her kitchen for no reason. If I wore sweat pants to a 5 star restaurant, she'd probably wear them too, and then we’d make jokes about other people reactions and make up games and bets to mock them. She said once casually she wasn't too interested in having kids tie her down, and I want at least 1 kid very much. Is probably the funnest person I know filled with loads of positive energy that never ends no matter what is happening. Is confident and independent, worries and plans things very little, and has big brass balls you simply can't embarrass this girl or out wit her, spunk level 9'6 on the rictar scale, she'll slap you silly if you piss her off. I don't seem to feel as strong of a need to make sure she is ok as the other because of this spunk she has and how secure she is with herself. If your car breaks down far from help with this one, she'll laugh and get out to help you push the car then "jump" on you a little while waiting for help to come and never make you feel lesser for the bad luck. We have an unheard of chemistry like I've never experienced, we just completely vibe on the same level from humor and sinical sarcasm to interests both intellectual and day to day like no one else, but that makes me worry that we might end up like Jerry Seinfeild and Geneene garrafello on seinfield when he thinks he has found the perfect women because she is just like him, but soon finds out he can't fucking stand her or himself as company, he drives himself nuts lol. I also worry with this one, she could without warning decide to backpack china for 3 years or something, but then again I might just be down for the adventure who says marriage and children is the only route... to sum her up you basically need to regularly workout your cardio just so you can hang around her and keep up or else she'll run you over and keep on going...
What to do...What to do? What is most rational, what is most honorable and of good character for me to do? What would you do? Girl 1 leads to a stable family life and alote of relaxing cuddling on the couch and constant absolutely adorable little thingy’s she does all the time, but never ending head butting and bickering, and daily stress from our very different lifestyles and my inability to satisfy her hungry insecurity monster. Girl 1 has said she most likely can never be truly happy with a guy like me because I am so anti-"normal" like with stuff like housekeeping, or going on "dates" or buying corny cards on valentines day... and i have a really hard time with touchy stuff like expressing feelings I find it kind of lame, so that fuels her insecurity. And so I wonder If the right thing to do is to try harder for her sake despite the fact i will always fall short of her needs, or am I right to deserve to be the sarcastic goofball I am and shouldn't drag her along in my random all over the place life path and let her find some neat and tidy guy who has a spiffy condo and tight jeans and a mochafrappachino lol. Girl 2 leads to adventure, the random, the intellectually stimulating, the exciting, but much less if not no foundation like the family structure and awesome feeling of being at home like the other would. Girl 1 being so vulnerable and easily tricked and hurt, very well might not find a truly great guy who would love and protect her the way I would in time for when she wants to have kids and I would feel terrible that I took so many years from her only to split up, and would always worry and wonder about her wellbeing and my decision. I think I would always feel bad and probably kick myself any direction I take it, I find this situation awfully confusing and the possible outcomes look bleak. I genuinely and honestly feel the same about them both in very different ways but with equal strength, and just can't draw a line here and have no way of coming to any firm decision. Pick one loose the other, pick the other loose the one, pick both and loose them both. Dambed if I do, dambed if I don't!
My fantasy...haha, they fall for each other and we have an open love triangle polygamist family lol what??? It could happen.
Fuck…again I apologize for the length but this really was the short version, some detail had to be given for anyone to have a word on it.
Your thoughts please...