Facts that don't require a doctorate to understand. - A Fun Thread

pauljohntheskeptic
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Facts that don't require a doctorate to understand. - A Fun Thread

Time to be less serious for a change. Have some "facts" of your own?
Facts that don't require a doctorate to understand.
 
1- All computers will crash, you will lose the one copy of the photo found no where else.
2- When you think you have a tax refund you will learn about many rules that prevent it. In fact you will owe more than you make in a year.
3- All car alarms malfunction. None actually prevent theft but they do irritate your neighbors.
4- A month is generally 30 days in a row. This does not mean 30 visits spread over a year if you have a monthly membership at a gym or a tanning salon.(this comes from my years owning tanning salons-
5- Never tell a tanning salon clerk you didn’t get anything last time. You will need burn ointment after this visit.
6- A 2 X 4 is not 2" by 4"
7- No one reads the Read First Instructions.
8- Those that don't read the instructions in #7 are quick to call the support line after they have broken the equipment or crashed their computer blaming the manufacturer.
9- Generators should never be run inside your house. Duh, they emit carbon monoxide dummy, its not the noise.
10- Duh! It’s not the web page doesn’t work, it’s you can’t read simple English.
11- When it’s your turn finally at the Post Office the clerk will take a coffee break.
12- Hot coffee is hot and should not require a warning label.
13- Months that begin on a Sunday always have a Friday the 13th.
14- Batteries are a source of DC current. You cannot recharge them by using an old AC cord and plugging it into a wall outlet.
15- God is not mentioned in the Constitution.
16- The $10 dinner box from Pizza Hut is $10
 
These are a few things that should be obvious to people and not require a college degree.
Have more?

____________________________________________________________
"I guess it's time to ask if you live under high voltage power transmission lines which have been shown to cause stimulation of the fantasy centers of the brain due to electromagnetic waves?" - Me

"God is omnipotent, omniscient, omnibenevolent, - it says so right here on the label. If you have a mind capable of believing all three of these divine attributes simultaneously, I have a wonderful bargain for you. No checks please. Cash and in small bills." - Robert A Heinlein.


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1. Hot coffee is not hot,

1. Hot coffee is not hot, despite what it says on the warning label.

2. A well trained dog forgets everything when you REALLY need them to behave.

3. If you fill up now the gas will be cheaper on the way back, if you wait until later gas prices will rise. 

4. People do not think your kid is cute.

5. There is no such thing as a quick oil change.

6. All home improvement projects will expand to fill all of your available time.

7. No matter how many extra screws, nuts, bolts or nails you have in your tool box, none of them are the right size.

8. When someone bills you for three hours they probably worked less than one.

9. Cops do have a sense of humor, but not all of them- joke at your own risk.

10. TSA agents do not have a sense of humor.

11. The BMV is always busiest the day you decide to renew your license.

12. When the grocery store clerk proudly proclaims that you "saved" $6 you did not in fact save any money. You will find your wallet is $50 lighter.

13. Drinking light beers will not cause you to lose weight.

14. Things will not go according to plan.

I just usually go with my own taste. If I like something, and it happens to be against the law, well, then I might have a problem.- Hunter S. Thompson


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1.  If you send your food

1.  If you send your food back, bad things can happen.

 

2.  Your music taste is not superior...ok, maybe to those that listen to Spanish and Country.

 

3.  90% of advice given to you by your parents will turn out to be bullshit.

 

4.  When women tell you that they have a "headache," they just don't want to fuck.

 

5.  Most discount prices aren't really discounts.

 

6.  Chewing gum instead of brushing your teeth is not a good substitute.

 

7.  Knowing how to surf the web doesn't make you computer savvy.

 

8.  Do-it-yourself really means "follow a bunch of steps, curse a lot, skip steps, take continuous breaks, finish in double the time and end up with half-assed results."

 

9.  You're "with it" now, but in a few years, you'll just be "square" again.

 

10.  The "BMV" is, apparently, the Bovine-Department of Motor Vehicles which is a subsidiary of the DMV.  America has just taken equality to a whole new level.

"When the majority believes in what is false, the truth becomes a quest." - Me


Brian37
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Quote:2. A well trained dog

Quote:
2. A well trained dog forgets everything when you REALLY need them to behave.

It reminds me of a cartoon I saw in a porn magazine once. It showed a bunch of people sitting in a living room and in the middle of it was a dog jacking off. The caption was of the owner saying "Hey, at least I got him to stop licking his balls".

"We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus -- and nonbelievers."Obama
Check out my poetry here on Rational Responders Like my poetry thread on Facebook under BrianJames Rational Poet also on twitter under Brianrrs37


Brian37
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Quote:14. Things will not go

Quote:
14. Things will not go according to plan.

 

FACT , if anyone is reading this right now, their is no cure for my cornball humor.

1. Garbage collectors risk DUIs because they are always getting trashed.

2. Beyond is looking up "hit man" right now.

3. So is everyone else because my jokes garner clubs and torches

4. My mom fed me lead paint and called it corn flakes.

 

"We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus -- and nonbelievers."Obama
Check out my poetry here on Rational Responders Like my poetry thread on Facebook under BrianJames Rational Poet also on twitter under Brianrrs37