I couldn't think of a clever title for my introduction post
I'm Cheese/Christina and I'm an 18 year old college student who is, more or less, an infant atheist. Well, okay, I've always been an atheist, I never even had a use for god until the idea was imposed on my young mind at about 4 or 5 years old. I don't feel as though my parents and the other adults around me gave me much of a choice when it came to religion, they taught me about one religion and one religion only, and that was christianity. When I was a kid I remember getting a little biography about "Buddha" from the children's library and remember my father being somewhat disapproving of that. Honestly, my father and I have always butted heads about nearly everything, about what a disobedient, rebellious child I am, etc. and back when I thought I was a Christian (he used his beliefs to justify his behavior more than once) I got so angry I thought about converting to another religion. I was about 13 back then, and I guess that goes to show that you don't need a whole lot of life experience to know when someone is being a total a-hole. But I digress, anyway, when I was about 14 my mother started going to church and I went with her. I was soon put into their high school youth group, and I think a combination of being desperate for something normal and wanting to fit in, I bought into the whole religion thing so I didn't feel so alone and soon I had even convinced myself that I was a christian. I'd always been more on the liberal side, I think anyway, of politics, but once indoctrinated into this church, I was spoon-fed my political views of "pro-life, no gays, Obama bad" and plenty more. For a while I resisted that, especially the gay marriage thing (ironically I later realized I am gay), but felt pressured to agree so as to fit in. My home life hadn't been great when I started going to church, but it got worse after that, my father lost his job, we were conned by a fake lawyer, our house was foreclosed on, I was beginning to realize that I was not so straight, and my life was total chaos. It was then I really started questioning god and why does god let so many awful things happen to "his people" and I got fed all the regular verses etc. but it didn't help. I became depressed (hell, maybe I already was. I'd had suicidal thoughts at age 12) and eventually turned to self-harm, which is something I still struggle with. It was around this time, 16-ish, that I realize I wasn't all that religious, that I'd never really been, but I'd never been asked what I believed until I felt obligated to answer with christianity. I flirted with the idea of being a deist, an agnostic, and finally realized I'd never believed in god, didn't think one existed, and if the god everyone had preached to me about was real, that I'd rather go to hell anyway. I think that finally letting go of god has been what has helped me accept myself, and others, and has helped push me to want to do things differently so I don't make the same mistakes my parents and other religious people have. However, because of my christian upbringing, I feel that I have a weak knowledge and education about things not christian or even normal subjects (science, history) without a christian lense. Believe me, the indoctrination in my church was heavy, it was connected to a college, a seminary, and the pastor is John MacArthur (if you've heard of him) and he has written several books and been on television and honestly always came off a bit arrogant and totalitarian to me, in the church he was treated like a celebrity, and my church's attitude was "if it doesn't agree with Pastor MacArthur, it's false". The man has his own edition of the bible. Dare I say it, but it seems cult-like to me.
Anyway, this post is getting way too long (I come from a long line of people who like to hear themselves talk, er, or I guess watch themselves type), so I guess I just want to put forth this: I haven't officially "come out" either as an atheist or a lesbian, though I no longer have my religious views set to "private on facebook (am I the only one who actually pays attention to those things?) and usually if I say something either left-sided politically or critical of christians and/or catholics I usually get an earful of it, usually from dad who I could go on for another hour about, describing what a hypocrite and to a point something of a tyrant, but anyway; my question is, does anyone have any advice for me concerning either "coming out" process (I'm specific with the atheism, but if you have insights on the other, go ahead) and how to stand my ground without setting myself up to be accused of being a *insert derogatory term here*?
So there's my story and I'm sticking to it. Probably way more about me than you ever wanted to know! XD
*insert something witty here*