What Mystifies Stephen Hawking? Women

Philosophicus
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What Mystifies Stephen Hawking? Women

Stephen Hawking turns 70 this Sunday, and he said the thing that most mystifies him is women:

http://cosmiclog.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/01/05/9981931-what-mystifies-dr-hawking-women

 

 


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Yeah, read this earlier. 

Yeah, read this earlier.  Given his physical situation and age, I think he can safely cross out women being any concern to him at this juncture.

 

Who knows, though?  Maybe he'll unlock THAT mystery, too, and he'll be doing this:

 

 

 

*waits for booing, hisses and tomatoes to start flying"

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Vastet
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Understanding women is

Understanding women is actually quite simple. They're dictators that will make you suffer for anything they are annoyed by. The only correct responses to a female are "yes ma'am (or suitable alternative)" and "I'm wrong, you're right".

As long as you remember this, your problems with females will decline significantly.

Kidding aside, I usually don't have a problem understanding women. Probably the biggest thing I don't get is the time and resources that they put into looking worse than normal. Seriously. I've known a few girls that looked amazing with makeup and accessories etc, but most of the time it looks fake and they look so much nicer without the war paint that cost them more than a brand new game. Mini-skirts in -20 and uncomfortable shoes that require ballet skills just to walk?
I SO don't get it that I'd like to become a woman for a few days to see if there's some feeling of reward for self decoration and intentional discomfort. Or if I'd still be unmoved by the idea.

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Vastet wrote:Understanding

Vastet wrote:
Understanding women is actually quite simple. They're dictators that will make you suffer for anything they are annoyed by. The only correct responses to a female are "yes ma'am (or suitable alternative)" and "I'm wrong, you're right".

I work with a lot of electrical contractors and in the residential construction field the term used to describe The Wife is "She who must be obeyed."

When I re-decorated my den 8 or 9 years ago, I replaced all the furniture.  My son was no longer jumping all over it, breaking down the cushions, so I figured something new was in order.

The plans were for a sofa opposite the entertainment center and a love seat by the window with the de rigeour coffee table in the middle.  My wife =insisted= she had to have her own chair to watch Packers games.  I told her that the chair she wanted wouldn't have a good view of the television, and it wouldn't fit in the space anyway.  Nope, she had to have her f*cking chair.  So I bought it.  Which is to say that dykes have the same problems straight guys do, only there are =two= women, with twice as many opportunities for stupidity.

I swear, if re-incarnation is true, I want to come back in my next life as a gay man.  Even though men's bodies are basically pretty gross, the nice thing about being in a relationship with a man is they aren't like that.  They've been trained, after thousands of years, to just say "Yes ma'am" Smiling

 

(And I just can't resist, but I love the way Vastet always seems to get a comment about video games into his posts.)

"Obviously I'm convinced of the existence of G-d. I'm equally convinced that Atheists who've led good lives will be in Olam HaBa going "How the heck did I wind up in this place?!?" while Christians who've treated people like dirt will be in some other place asking the exact same question."


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It isn't even always

It isn't even always intentional. Laughing out loud

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Tapey
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Vastet wrote:Understanding

Vastet wrote:
Understanding women is actually quite simple. They're dictators that will make you suffer for anything they are annoyed by. The only correct responses to a female are "yes ma'am (or suitable alternative)" and "I'm wrong, you're right". As long as you remember this, your problems with females will decline significantly. Kidding aside, I usually don't have a problem understanding women. Probably the biggest thing I don't get is the time and resources that they put into looking worse than normal. Seriously. I've known a few girls that looked amazing with makeup and accessories etc, but most of the time it looks fake and they look so much nicer without the war paint that cost them more than a brand new game. Mini-skirts in -20 and uncomfortable shoes that require ballet skills just to walk? I SO don't get it that I'd like to become a woman for a few days to see if there's some feeling of reward for self decoration and intentional discomfort. Or if I'd still be unmoved by the idea.

I never understood the make up thing, you are right, most women look better without it and hell for the majority of people who look good in make up, less is more. Same with perfume jesus most of the stuff smells god dam horrible, especially when there are 4 or 5 woman around and it is all mixing together it truely smells bad, ever been in an elevator with like 5 woman all with a litttle too much perfume on? Its unbearable. I am happy with the shoes that require a balancing act though, means their face is higher than my nipples.

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Tapey wrote:I never

Tapey wrote:
I never understood the make up thing, you are right, most women look better without it and hell for the majority of people who look good in make up, less is more. Same with perfume jesus most of the stuff smells god dam horrible, especially when there are 4 or 5 woman around and it is all mixing together it truely smells bad, ever been in an elevator with like 5 woman all with a litttle too much perfume on? Its unbearable. I am happy with the shoes that require a balancing act though, means their face is higher than my nipples.

Makeup is an evolutionary thing -- women with clear skin are preferred as sexual partners over women with skin that has blotches that might indicate an underlying illness.

I quit wearing makeup five or six years ago, except for special events.  A couple of months back, for Yom Kippur (obligatory reference to religion to piss off Brian37), I couldn't even find any makeup that wasn't dried out or otherwise unusable.

"Obviously I'm convinced of the existence of G-d. I'm equally convinced that Atheists who've led good lives will be in Olam HaBa going "How the heck did I wind up in this place?!?" while Christians who've treated people like dirt will be in some other place asking the exact same question."


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It's pretty easy to explain

It's pretty easy to explain women:

Early on a she has to decide if she's going to be a good girl or a bad girl. The good girls are bad and the bad girls are good.

And there's this too:

http://yoke.cc/women2.htm

 

“Religion is regarded by the common people as true, by the wise as false, and by the rulers as useful.” Seneca


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...

lol!  That's awesome, pineapple.


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Philosophicus wrote:lol! 

Philosophicus wrote:

lol!  That's awesome, pineapple.

I liked the backup safety system.  It appears to work much better than the one I use, which is curling into the fetal position and sobbing uncontrollably.

"Obviously I'm convinced of the existence of G-d. I'm equally convinced that Atheists who've led good lives will be in Olam HaBa going "How the heck did I wind up in this place?!?" while Christians who've treated people like dirt will be in some other place asking the exact same question."


Vastet
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That was funny.

That was funny.

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