Atheism and relationships

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Atheism and relationships

Ok I wasn't sure where to put this or if a discussion and been up all ready, if it has please provide me a link?

 

I have recently separated and trying to navigate the dating world..now I don't wear my atheism on my sleeve how ever since it played a huge part in arguments in our marriage I am not sure how to handle it now.

 

Do I let people know up front, in dating profile etc? or Ask them on a date, what is your religion? Obviously a lot of people put christian since it is sort of a default. 

 

I almost feel as if you really buy into the religious aspect of things you are fooling yourselves and actually turns me off..Any thoughts? Suggestions?

 

Ed


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I would not mention it or

I would not mention it or ask it until the third or fourth date but I believe you need to try and understand religious people and respect them. You should also find someone who will respect your beliefs. I don't believe in God and my wife is a very devout believer. We just respect eachother and sometimes discuss it but on Sundays she goes to church by herself while I sit at home. Never ask about religion, politics, or morals on first or second dates...

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EKAthans wrote: I would not

EKAthans wrote:

I would not mention it or ask it until the third or fourth date but I believe you need to try and understand religious people and respect them. You should also find someone who will respect your beliefs. I don't believe in God and my wife is a very devout believer. We just respect eachother and sometimes discuss it but on Sundays she goes to church by herself while I sit at home. Never ask about religion, politics, or morals on first or second dates...

 

Now my advice would be just the opposite.  Dig in early.  Saw an article recently that shared politics predicts a long term relationship better even than shared religion or sex. 

When I was most recently single (about 27 years ago now), I had a list.  And it was not for getting married or long term or short term or even one night stands.  But there were absolutes.  Absolutely no smokers.  No religious freaks.  No one who was not generous.  No abusers.  No addicts.  It was a long list. 

And I saw - and still see - no reason to waste my time on someone who does not fit on that list.  Your list is probably a lot different than mine.  Why hang with someone who has traits/habits/attitudes that are going to drive you crazy?   And why compromise on your own needs/desires/conversation?  You need to talk to someone you have a relationship with - and if you can't talk about a particular subject, how long is that relationship going to last?  Might as well figure it out quick, and say so long, it's been real before you get into the "get me out of here!" stage.

If religious people do not drive you up the wall, then don't put it on your list.  And try to find someone who doesn't have it on their list.  Give them the courtesy of not wasting their time as well.   I believe, the closer your lists match, the better your chance of having good times with each other.  So get the matching up out of the way first, before anyone gets too emotionally involved.

 

-- I feel so much better since I stopped trying to believe.

"We are entitled to our own opinions. We're not entitled to our own facts"- Al Franken

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cj wrote:EKAthans wrote:I

cj wrote:

EKAthans wrote:

I would not mention it or ask it until the third or fourth date but I believe you need to try and understand religious people and respect them. You should also find someone who will respect your beliefs. I don't believe in God and my wife is a very devout believer. We just respect eachother and sometimes discuss it but on Sundays she goes to church by herself while I sit at home. Never ask about religion, politics, or morals on first or second dates...

 

Now my advice would be just the opposite.  Dig in early.  Saw an article recently that shared politics predicts a long term relationship better even than shared religion or sex. 

When I was most recently single (about 27 years ago now), I had a list.  And it was not for getting married or long term or short term or even one night stands.  But there were absolutes.  Absolutely no smokers.  No religious freaks.  No one who was not generous.  No abusers.  No addicts.  It was a long list. 

And I saw - and still see - no reason to waste my time on someone who does not fit on that list.  Your list is probably a lot different than mine.  Why hang with someone who has traits/habits/attitudes that are going to drive you crazy?   And why compromise on your own needs/desires/conversation?  You need to talk to someone you have a relationship with - and if you can't talk about a particular subject, how long is that relationship going to last?  Might as well figure it out quick, and say so long, it's been real before you get into the "get me out of here!" stage.

If religious people do not drive you up the wall, then don't put it on your list.  And try to find someone who doesn't have it on their list.  Give them the courtesy of not wasting their time as well.   I believe, the closer your lists match, the better your chance of having good times with each other.  So get the matching up out of the way first, before anyone gets too emotionally involved.

 

Well I had a list too but what are you doing, getting to know them or interviewing them for a job? Do you sit down and ask them 50 questions? My wife used to be a Jesus freak but we were friends for years before we started dating. When we started dating she was not a Jesus freak and saw that that kind of behavior turned more people away from Christianity. I had a list also but you do not have to sit down and interview them. Have a normal converstaion with them and get to know them. I bet you can figure out 90% of information just by having converstaions. If they use the word Jesus more than 5 times that night I don't think you will be suprised when they say they are Christian. If they don't mention any kind of religion they may be Christian but it might not be a big deal. Personally if a girl asked me on the first date what my religious beliefs are I would probably walk out and say this isn't going to work (even though she may have the same beliefs.) It is the way you go about it. Just remember that not all Christians are fundamentalist just like not all atheists are anti-theists. People can get a long.

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The problem is you can't

The problem is you can't really argue or debate with a theist. They don't even really know what exactly they believe and why they believe it. They just repeat talking points from their indoctrination, repeating what the pastor/priest tells them. So I don't see what is the point of arguing with them.

There is a big gender gap in atheist vs. Christian dating sites. So I think it is more of an issue for men to put atheist on their profile. I don't think I could date a Christian women even if I could avoid talking about religion. I don't believe someone could remain Christian without having a high level of sexual repression and guilt about sex which is not something I care to be around. Athiests have better sex.

What you should never do is cede the moral high ground to a person of faith. If they believe religion makes people more moral, have them provide evidence.

 

“Religion is regarded by the common people as true, by the wise as false, and by the rulers as useful.” Seneca


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EKAthans wrote:Well I had a

EKAthans wrote:

Well I had a list too but what are you doing, getting to know them or interviewing them for a job? Do you sit down and ask them 50 questions? My wife used to be a Jesus freak but we were friends for years before we started dating. When we started dating she was not a Jesus freak and saw that that kind of behavior turned more people away from Christianity. I had a list also but you do not have to sit down and interview them. Have a normal converstaion with them and get to know them. I bet you can figure out 90% of information just by having converstaions. If they use the word Jesus more than 5 times that night I don't think you will be suprised when they say they are Christian. If they don't mention any kind of religion they may be Christian but it might not be a big deal. Personally if a girl asked me on the first date what my religious beliefs are I would probably walk out and say this isn't going to work (even though she may have the same beliefs.) It is the way you go about it. Just remember that not all Christians are fundamentalist just like not all atheists are anti-theists. People can get a long.

 

For me, it is like a job interview.  And blind dates are different than dating someone you already know.  I have not gone so far as to write down my list, either.  Though I did think about doing so. 

Some things you don't have to ask.  If you are a non-smoker, a smoker's hair, clothes, and breath reek of cigarettes.  If someone can't make it through dinner without drinking a full bottle of wine - or whatever - that is a big problem from my perspective.  I am not a tee-totaller.  I like my glass of wine or a beer with dinner but I don't get drunk and I don't like to hang with people who think a good time involves getting smashed.  And so on.

For some of the rest, yes, I do ask.  What are you doing Sunday morning?  What did you think about this or that news article/movie/game/book?  And so on.  And if I am puzzled by the answers I get clarification.  I like to know without guessing or asuming.  And so I ask.  If my blunt style puts you off, better to know early on rather than 2 years down the road.  I would rather a date be honest with me and take me home than say nice things and never call me back.  Tell me the truth.  I can live with it.

My now-husband is fine with me and my style of conversation.  He knew what I was like when we got married - and I knew/know him because he answered my questions and asked a good many questions himself.  There is no mystery in our relationship and we like it that way.  Makes life a lot easier when you know what to expect in your relationships.

 

-- I feel so much better since I stopped trying to believe.

"We are entitled to our own opinions. We're not entitled to our own facts"- Al Franken

"If death isn't sweet oblivion, I will be severely disappointed" - Ruth M.


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EXC wrote:The problem is you

EXC wrote:

The problem is you can't really argue or debate with a theist. They don't even really know what exactly they believe and why they believe it. They just repeat talking points from their indoctrination, repeating what the pastor/priest tells them. So I don't see what is the point of arguing with them.

There is a big gender gap in atheist vs. Christian dating sites. So I think it is more of an issue for men to put atheist on their profile. I don't think I could date a Christian women even if I could avoid talking about religion. I don't believe someone could remain Christian without having a high level of sexual repression and guilt about sex which is not something I care to be around. Athiests have better sex.

What you should never do is cede the moral high ground to a person of faith. If they believe religion makes people more moral, have them provide evidence.

 

I think you are talking more about fundamentalists. My wife agrees with almost everything I say and I consider her a devout believer. The difference is she does not have a literal interpretation of the Bible. She believes that the Big Bang and Evolution can work with the Bible. As far as a critical and scholarly study of religion goes the only real difference we have is whether or not their is a god. She believes there is and I'm not sure but I think it is more likely there is not.

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cj wrote:EKAthans wrote:Well

cj wrote:

EKAthans wrote:

Well I had a list too but what are you doing, getting to know them or interviewing them for a job? Do you sit down and ask them 50 questions? My wife used to be a Jesus freak but we were friends for years before we started dating. When we started dating she was not a Jesus freak and saw that that kind of behavior turned more people away from Christianity. I had a list also but you do not have to sit down and interview them. Have a normal converstaion with them and get to know them. I bet you can figure out 90% of information just by having converstaions. If they use the word Jesus more than 5 times that night I don't think you will be suprised when they say they are Christian. If they don't mention any kind of religion they may be Christian but it might not be a big deal. Personally if a girl asked me on the first date what my religious beliefs are I would probably walk out and say this isn't going to work (even though she may have the same beliefs.) It is the way you go about it. Just remember that not all Christians are fundamentalist just like not all atheists are anti-theists. People can get a long.

 

For me, it is like a job interview.  And blind dates are different than dating someone you already know.  I have not gone so far as to write down my list, either.  Though I did think about doing so. 

Some things you don't have to ask.  If you are a non-smoker, a smoker's hair, clothes, and breath reek of cigarettes.  If someone can't make it through dinner without drinking a full bottle of wine - or whatever - that is a big problem from my perspective.  I am not a tee-totaller.  I like my glass of wine or a beer with dinner but I don't get drunk and I don't like to hang with people who think a good time involves getting smashed.  And so on.

For some of the rest, yes, I do ask.  What are you doing Sunday morning?  What did you think about this or that news article/movie/game/book?  And so on.  And if I am puzzled by the answers I get clarification.  I like to know without guessing or asuming.  And so I ask.  If my blunt style puts you off, better to know early on rather than 2 years down the road.  I would rather a date be honest with me and take me home than say nice things and never call me back.  Tell me the truth.  I can live with it.

My now-husband is fine with me and my style of conversation.  He knew what I was like when we got married - and I knew/know him because he answered my questions and asked a good many questions himself.  There is no mystery in our relationship and we like it that way.  Makes life a lot easier when you know what to expect in your relationships.

 

 

Well I don't know if its relivant but on Sundays my wife goes to church and I stay home and watch football or sleep in. We just respect eachother. I try and go to religious services every once in a while but for the most part I get annoyed and find myself critisizing it. Also her and her family pray before meals. I sit there for 15 seconds while they do that and we get on with things. Just isn't that big of a deal for me...I could see a Jesus freak being an issue but it seems as if people are making it black or white when there is a huge gray area.

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EKAthans wrote:Well I don't

EKAthans wrote:

Well I don't know if its relivant but on Sundays my wife goes to church and I stay home and watch football or sleep in. We just respect eachother. I try and go to religious services every once in a while but for the most part I get annoyed and find myself critisizing it. Also her and her family pray before meals. I sit there for 15 seconds while they do that and we get on with things. Just isn't that big of a deal for me...I could see a Jesus freak being an issue but it seems as if people are making it black or white when there is a huge gray area.

 

I don't know if it is relevant, either.  For me, it was a big deal.  In part, because I have a sister who is Jehovah Witness and I did not want to get involved with someone who was that totally nutcase about religion.  I am not saying all JW's are crazy - necessarily - but my sister is that crazy.  And one in the family is enough.  My husband is actually less tolerant than I am.

Funny, when we first met - and for the next 20 some odd years - I was strongly atheist, he was agnostic.  Yet he was the one that was fiercely anti-religion and I was kicked back about it.  If they left me alone, I was willing to let them alone.  He is strongly atheist now and I am more strongly anti-religious.  

It sounds like your wife's family is more kicked back about it than my sister is.  And so it is possible to get along with them.  I'm sure there are some on the forum who would be willing to share how their relatives have made life hell for them over religion.  Fortunately, I finally got my sister to leave me alone and we still speak to each other mostly civilly. 

I still think it is better to know whether you have a nutcase for a date or a tolerant person for a date early on.  I can't imagine remaining tolerant if I were nagged 24/7 about "finding Jesus".  Maybe you are better at that sort of thing than I am.

 

-- I feel so much better since I stopped trying to believe.

"We are entitled to our own opinions. We're not entitled to our own facts"- Al Franken

"If death isn't sweet oblivion, I will be severely disappointed" - Ruth M.


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cj wrote:EKAthans wrote:Well

cj wrote:

EKAthans wrote:

Well I don't know if its relivant but on Sundays my wife goes to church and I stay home and watch football or sleep in. We just respect eachother. I try and go to religious services every once in a while but for the most part I get annoyed and find myself critisizing it. Also her and her family pray before meals. I sit there for 15 seconds while they do that and we get on with things. Just isn't that big of a deal for me...I could see a Jesus freak being an issue but it seems as if people are making it black or white when there is a huge gray area.

 

I don't know if it is relevant, either.  For me, it was a big deal.  In part, because I have a sister who is Jehovah Witness and I did not want to get involved with someone who was that totally nutcase about religion.  I am not saying all JW's are crazy - necessarily - but my sister is that crazy.  And one in the family is enough.  My husband is actually less tolerant than I am.

Funny, when we first met - and for the next 20 some odd years - I was strongly atheist, he was agnostic.  Yet he was the one that was fiercely anti-religion and I was kicked back about it.  If they left me alone, I was willing to let them alone.  He is strongly atheist now and I am more strongly anti-religious.  

It sounds like your wife's family is more kicked back about it than my sister is.  And so it is possible to get along with them.  I'm sure there are some on the forum who would be willing to share how their relatives have made life hell for them over religion.  Fortunately, I finally got my sister to leave me alone and we still speak to each other mostly civilly. 

I still think it is better to know whether you have a nutcase for a date or a tolerant person for a date early on.  I can't imagine remaining tolerant if I were nagged 24/7 about "finding Jesus".  Maybe you are better at that sort of thing than I am.

 

 

Yeah, valid point. Some people are just difficult to deal with. That is interesting you both changed in that direction. I have offended my mother in law but I just make an effort to not get involved in converstations with her. Just this last weekend I was talking about it with my sister in law and my wife's aunt and my mother in law tried to step in. I told her I really didn't want to talk about this with her. She said I don't know her very well and that she goes to Bible study all the time. I asked if she had ever looked at evolution or other religions or anything outside of the Bible. She said no. I told her that is the reason I won't discuss it with her. She found something else to do. I know she gets annoyed with my beliefs but I think what calms her down is that we are doing all of the Christian traditions such as marriage and baptism. We do plan on raising our son Christian, for the most part.

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EKAthans wrote:Yeah, valid

EKAthans wrote:

Yeah, valid point. Some people are just difficult to deal with. That is interesting you both changed in that direction. I have offended my mother in law but I just make an effort to not get involved in converstations with her. Just this last weekend I was talking about it with my sister in law and my wife's aunt and my mother in law tried to step in. I told her I really didn't want to talk about this with her. She said I don't know her very well and that she goes to Bible study all the time. I asked if she had ever looked at evolution or other religions or anything outside of the Bible. She said no. I told her that is the reason I won't discuss it with her. She found something else to do. I know she gets annoyed with my beliefs but I think what calms her down is that we are doing all of the Christian traditions such as marriage and baptism. We do plan on raising our son Christian, for the most part.

 

In junior high school, my very best friend was a preacher's kid.  Foursquare Gospel.  And it was fun while the family was there.  They had to move on as the church was too small to support a family.  The new pastor and his wife were retired, so they had income and could survive given they had free housing.  Anyway, when the new guy told me that the devil was going to leap out of the cards and take my soul while I was playing solitaire in my home, I left the church.  Even at age 13, I couldn't buy it.

And I never remember thinking the bible is nothing more than a collection of myths.  I was very fond of myths and fairy stories as a young girl.  And I still have to consciously make myself remember there is a difference between the two.  I guess I'm trying to get around to saying, your child may make up his own mind about whether or not he believes.   And then what will happen? </rhetorical>

 

-- I feel so much better since I stopped trying to believe.

"We are entitled to our own opinions. We're not entitled to our own facts"- Al Franken

"If death isn't sweet oblivion, I will be severely disappointed" - Ruth M.


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That is what we are hoping.

That is what we are hoping. He will have the history, context, and theology from many different religions. He will get additional schooling from me at home and which ever belief system he plans on using I can promise you he will be tolerant and educated. There are a lot of good things in Christianity as long as it is not taken too literally. If I had it my way I would send him to a Jewish school until high school and then have him spend 2 years in public schools and 2 years in Catholic schools. I would also be teaching him on the side.

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EKAthans wrote:Yeah, valid

EKAthans wrote:

Yeah, valid point. Some people are just difficult to deal with. That is interesting you both changed in that direction. .....

 

Oh, if you are interested, my husband read 50 Reason People Give for Believing in a God and when he read the last page, he put the book down and stated, I'm an atheist.  I was a little startled.

My change came about because of my mom.  She was difficult to live with, but not religious as I was growing up.  She lived with my sister after she became ill with heart trouble - the JW one.  Since I wasn't living close, I had no idea how much she had changed.  And then she wound up in a nursing home and I was the closest child.  She had grandchildren closer, but they were in their early 30s and having problems coping with her eminent death.  So I was driving up on Sundays (3 hours one way) to visit and try to assist the adult grandchildren.  And I hadn't realized how much she had changed.  The woman who used to say - I'll never let some man tell me what to do - was telling me the church elders said ...blah, blah.  And the JWs only allow men to be elders.  When I was young, she gave me the Lord of the Rings to read and bought many other sci-fi and fantasy books for me to read.  Some of which I still own.  And in the nursing home, she wouldn't read Harry Potter because the books are full of "witchcraft".  And I know she would have enjoyed them - before.  So, yeah, I am a lot less tolerant now.

None of the church people could be bothered to visit her - not even the ones who lived in town.  There was some excuse for the grandchildren - even 30 year olds who have never had a close relative die before get uncomfortable watching a loved one very slowly fade away.  There was no excuse for the other older people or some of those "elders" not to show.  Yeah, I'm still angry about it four years later.

 

-- I feel so much better since I stopped trying to believe.

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I will have to check out

I will have to check out that book.

I am sorry to hear your story but I personally contribute that more to human nature than anything. People can be religious but at the same time they are still just animals. I have heard things that suggest the belief in a religion is based on genes and evolution. Religious people may not be able to help their beliefs. People seem to think that morals are real and that there is some kind of goodness but I think that is a myth. People are only interested in themselves. Watching an old person fade away was hardly relevant to them. Sad, but true...

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EKAthans wrote: I think you

EKAthans wrote:

 

I think you are talking more about fundamentalists. My wife agrees with almost everything I say and I consider her a devout believer. The difference is she does not have a literal interpretation of the Bible. She believes that the Big Bang and Evolution can work with the Bible. As far as a critical and scholarly study of religion goes the only real difference we have is whether or not their is a god. She believes there is and I'm not sure but I think it is more likely there is not.

What about the parts in the Bible where is says "don't be yoked together with unbelievers"? How does her interpretation get around that one? Sounds like she just has a god of convenience. By what method does she decide which things in bible are true and which ones are false?

“Religion is regarded by the common people as true, by the wise as false, and by the rulers as useful.” Seneca


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I would always let people

I would always let people know what my religious affiliation was very soon if I was going to be in a relationship with them. However, I tend to label myself as agnostic, rather than atheist, like I did on plentyoffish. That probably seems 'wussy' to some people, and it's true in a sense; I would prefer to scare less people away. But, it's also because the average person defines theism, agnosticism, and atheism as a trichotomy anyways; so, by their definitions, I really am more accurately just an agnostic, even though, by my definitions, I am an agnostic atheist.

Our revels now are ended. These our actors, | As I foretold you, were all spirits, and | Are melted into air, into thin air; | And, like the baseless fabric of this vision, | The cloud-capped towers, the gorgeous palaces, | The solemn temples, the great globe itself, - Yea, all which it inherit, shall dissolve, | And, like this insubstantial pageant faded, | Leave not a rack behind. We are such stuff | As dreams are made on, and our little life | Is rounded with a sleep. - Shakespeare


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butterbattle wrote:I would

butterbattle wrote:

I would always let people know what my religious affiliation was very soon if I was going to be in a relationship with them. However, I tend to label myself as agnostic, rather than atheist, like I did on plentyoffish. That probably seems 'wussy' to some people, and it's true in a sense; I would prefer to scare less people away. But, it's also because the average person defines theism, agnosticism, and atheism as a trichotomy anyways; so, by their definitions, I really am more accurately just an agnostic, even though, by my definitions, I am an agnostic atheist.

You don't want be an agnostic because then you can't be sure you won't go to hell for lieing.

“Religion is regarded by the common people as true, by the wise as false, and by the rulers as useful.” Seneca


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EXC wrote:EKAthans wrote: I

EXC wrote:

EKAthans wrote:

 

I think you are talking more about fundamentalists. My wife agrees with almost everything I say and I consider her a devout believer. The difference is she does not have a literal interpretation of the Bible. She believes that the Big Bang and Evolution can work with the Bible. As far as a critical and scholarly study of religion goes the only real difference we have is whether or not their is a god. She believes there is and I'm not sure but I think it is more likely there is not.

What about the parts in the Bible where is says "don't be yoked together with unbelievers"? How does her interpretation get around that one? Sounds like she just has a god of convenience. By what method does she decide which things in bible are true and which ones are false?

What if she does have a god of convenience? The methods she uses in determining what things are true and false is relying on the research she has done. She minored in Theology and they actually did a very good job of critical Bible study. She probably knows more about the New Testament than I do (because my focus has been the Old Testament) so I trust her judgement. Hell is another thing she does not believe in.

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EKAthans wrote:EXC

EKAthans wrote:

EXC wrote:

EKAthans wrote:

 

I think you are talking more about fundamentalists. My wife agrees with almost everything I say and I consider her a devout believer. The difference is she does not have a literal interpretation of the Bible. She believes that the Big Bang and Evolution can work with the Bible. As far as a critical and scholarly study of religion goes the only real difference we have is whether or not their is a god. She believes there is and I'm not sure but I think it is more likely there is not.

What about the parts in the Bible where is says "don't be yoked together with unbelievers"? How does her interpretation get around that one? Sounds like she just has a god of convenience. By what method does she decide which things in bible are true and which ones are false?

What if she does have a god of convenience? The methods she uses in determining what things are true and false is relying on the research she has done. She minored in Theology and they actually did a very good job of critical Bible study. She probably knows more about the New Testament than I do (because my focus has been the Old Testament) so I trust her judgement. Hell is another thing she does not believe in.

Isn't just the parts of bible she likes are true and those parts she doesn't like are false? Or does she claim to have some objective standard to judge verses?

“Religion is regarded by the common people as true, by the wise as false, and by the rulers as useful.” Seneca


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I don't know if I would go

I don't know if I would go as far to say that but there are verses she would consider true but she "doesn't agree with it." The thing is is that the Bible is such a large work, formed over a long period of time, by many different authors that you can generally find a contradicting verse to support your belief. Is that convenient or a cop out? I guess so, but what are you gonna do?

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I will say that recently she

I will say that recently she has been real close to declaring herself not Christian. I feel like her beliefs are more inline with the Baha'i beliefs. She also questions the divinity of Jesus. I know she struggles with that aspect. I feel like she would take a more Muslim view on that except Muslims don't believe Jesus died on the cross.

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EKAthans wrote:I don't know

EKAthans wrote:

I don't know if I would go as far to say that but there are verses she would consider true but she "doesn't agree with it." The thing is is that the Bible is such a large work, formed over a long period of time, by many different authors that you can generally find a contradicting verse to support your belief. Is that convenient or a cop out? I guess so, but what are you gonna do?

 

I guess point out how shaky are her arguments without an objective standard to decide truth.

Who is she to disagree with an ornry, all powerful entity? Might makes right, so it seems the only option for theists is deciding what is true and false about God, never disagreeing and risk eternal consequences.

 

“Religion is regarded by the common people as true, by the wise as false, and by the rulers as useful.” Seneca


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EXC wrote:EKAthans wrote:I

EXC wrote:

EKAthans wrote:

I don't know if I would go as far to say that but there are verses she would consider true but she "doesn't agree with it." The thing is is that the Bible is such a large work, formed over a long period of time, by many different authors that you can generally find a contradicting verse to support your belief. Is that convenient or a cop out? I guess so, but what are you gonna do?

 

I guess point out how shaky are her arguments without an objective standard to decide truth.

Who is she to disagree with an ornry, all powerful entity? Might makes right, so it seems the only option for theists is deciding what is true and false about God, never disagreeing and risk eternal consequences.

 

 

Who is arguing with her? You act as if she is going out looking for arguments. She simply believes what she does and if she were to argue the only argument she needs is "because that is what I believe." Can you argue against her beliefs? All she needs to say is "because that is what I believe" and "so?" She is not trying to make an argument for her beliefs rather she is trying to be a mother, a wife, and a nurse.

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EKAthans wrote:Who is

EKAthans wrote:

Who is arguing with her? You act as if she is going out looking for arguments.

Sorry I mixed you up with edactor(the original poster) who was arguing with his wife about beliefs. My bad.

“Religion is regarded by the common people as true, by the wise as false, and by the rulers as useful.” Seneca


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EXC wrote:EKAthans wrote:Who

EXC wrote:

EKAthans wrote:

Who is arguing with her? You act as if she is going out looking for arguments.

Sorry I mixed you up with edactor(the original poster) who was arguing with his wife about beliefs. My bad.

 

Oh, no problem. Yeah they probably had a different situation.

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 I think it's rather

 I think it's rather important to be up front with your beliefs. Not because I don't think that atheists and theists can't exist in a relationship together, I just feel that such vastly differing religious views are going to cause problems later in a relationship if it isn't discussed at the outset. I'm not saying you should go and holler it right in the first sentence, but I definitely think it'd be something to say on a first date. 

 

If someone you're thinking about dating is "scared away" by the thought of you being an atheist, they're likely not going to be what you're looking for in a long term partner. 

 

Besides, even if a theist and an atheist could be in a relationship together, there's bound to be problems. What sort of wedding do you have? Would you feel comfortable having a religious wedding if you don't believe in god? Would they feel comfortable having a secular wedding if they do? In what faith do you raise your children if you decide to have them? And if you decide beforehand, how do you know the other person isn't going to undermine the decision because they feel their religion/lack of religion has a right to be taught? 

 

I know that it is difficult for even two similar faiths to raise children to follow their belief paths, but I can't imagine trying to raise a child in a faith I have no belief in. I, personally, couldn't date a person of faith and I would probably not waste time on more than a first date if they were religious. And maybe it's just me, but I feel like religion is specifically detrimental, and I wouldn't be able to help but try to convince the date they were wrong, and I would not want to raise a child in an environment where it might get religious teaching. 

 

Luckily for me, my fiance is an atheist. And we don't want children. Smiling 


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Here's how I handle it:If

Here's how I handle it:

If they're really religious, they'll let you know. If they are moderately religious, they may or may not let you know.  If/when you find out, or if it comes out, you ask if they're OK with dating an atheist. Ask them, specifically, if they have a problem dating someone of another religious belief. If they do, ask additionally if that includes atheists. And that's it.