MY DEAD DUCK!

Jean Chauvin
Theistard
Jean Chauvin's picture
Posts: 1211
Joined: 2010-11-19
User is offlineOffline
MY DEAD DUCK!

MY DEAD DUCK!

I have 5 very rare ducks from Brazil. I get to kill one this weekend. I've never done this before. They are very large ducks. Any advice?

As a Christians, we are not to torture animals. This is animal cruelity. I saw a report of one person slicing the artery, and sqeezing the head of the duck (still alive) so that the blood would drain in a bowl (I"m assumiing to cook the duck in it's blood. The Torah was against this).

Well, that's ethically wrong to put an animal in that kind of pain. I shall chop the head off very quickly. I will not cook the duck in blood. Though I have dones this with Steak (well, I've never killed an animal before, except that time I ran over that squiral).

So, after I chop the head off, and the blood drains out as it goes nuts, I shall put it in hot water and pull the feathers. But I'm concerned about gutting it. But I would like to cook the duck as a whole, and not butcher it I think. Christmas Duck in May.

The Intestines, if they break, we will have poop for duck.

Well, it will be an adventure. So while you are having your lunch tomorrow, think of me, and my dead duck. Oh what a wonderful dish it will be.

Respectfully,

Jean Chauvin (Jude 3).

A Rational Christian of Intelligence (rare)with a valid and sound justification for my epistemology and a logical refutation for those with logical fallacies and false worldviews upon their normative of thinking in retrospect to objective normative(s). This is only understood via the imago dei in which we all are.

Respectfully,

Jean Chauvin (Jude 3).


iwbiek
atheistSuperfan
iwbiek's picture
Posts: 3186
Joined: 2008-03-23
User is offlineOffline
my advice is don't take out

my advice is don't take out the guts at all.  kill it by stabbing it a few times, especially in the stomach, and leave it for a good four hours or so.  then roast it and dig in.  trust me, i grew up on a farm and we did the same with chickens.  bon appetit.

"I asked my father,
I said, 'Father change my name.'
The one I'm using now it's covered up
with fear and filth and cowardice and shame."
--Leonard Cohen


ProzacDeathWish
atheist
ProzacDeathWish's picture
Posts: 3562
Joined: 2007-12-02
User is offlineOffline
Jean Chauvin

Jean Chauvin wrote:
       Any advice?

As a Christians, we are not to torture animals. This is animal cruelty.

Well, that's ethically wrong to put an animal in that kind of pain.

 

 

   Advice ?  Yes, if you're feeling a tinge of empathy then just imagine that you are actually your hero John Calvin and the duck is  Spanish "heretic" Michael Servetus.  Put your duck on trial and declare it guilty of religious crimes.  Don't chop its head off though, instead tie it to a little stake and  ( being sure to use green wood,)  burn it alive. 

   This game of religious role playing should help propel you past your supposed reluctance to inflict unnecessary pain on this little duck.  Just use your imagination.  You do it all the time around here anyway.

   Enjoy your meal.

I'm a right wing atheist because I enjoy being hated by everyone.


Ktulu
atheist
Posts: 1830
Joined: 2010-12-21
User is offlineOffline
 My grandparent used to cut

 My grandparent used to cut the heads off and just let them run around until they stopped fopping.  I was traumatized of that process when I was younger.  Besides that I don't really like duck, too oily... 

"Don't seek these laws to understand. Only the mad can comprehend..." -- George Cosbuc


TGBaker
atheist
TGBaker's picture
Posts: 1367
Joined: 2011-02-06
User is offlineOffline
Become a vegetarian and

Become a vegetarian and reduce animal suffering.


Brian37
atheistSuperfan
Brian37's picture
Posts: 13403
Joined: 2006-02-14
User is onlineOnline
Why are you having any

Why are you having any feelings of guilt? Your fictional sky daddy certainly doesn't mind using the deaths of humans as an advertisement for his club.

 

"We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus -- and nonbelievers."Obama
Check out my poetry here on Rational Responders Like my poetry thread on Facebook under BrianJames Rational Poet also on twitter under Brianrrs37


Answers in Gene...
High Level Donor
Answers in Gene Simmons's picture
Posts: 4214
Joined: 2008-11-11
User is offlineOffline
 Well Jean, I only have

 

Well Jean, I only have experience with chickens but I would think that ducks would be similar. Here is what I would do:

 

First, get a stump and an ax ready for the job.

 

If you hold your hand out and wave your index finger in a circle, a chicken will stare at it as if hypnotized. They are kind of dumb that way.

 

One the bird is caught in the spell, you can reach under it with your other hand (try it, chickens are really that dumb) and grab it by the feet. Yes, you can actually grab a sitting chicken by the feet.

 

Once you have it, you have to flip it upside down. Don't stop hypnotizing it until it is fully inverted.

 

For some reason, an upside down chicken goes into a temporary coma or something. I have no idea why but I have done this dozens of times and it really works.

 

So you have a comatose bird in one hand and an ax in the other. I think that you can figure out what comes next.

 

One thing that you should know is that you need to cut as close to the body as possible. Even then, they “run around like a chicken with it's head cut off”. Really, it takes them a good several minutes to die. Still though, the closer to the head that you cut, the more brain stem you leave and it just takes longer to die. In fact, there is one case of a chicken back in the 1950's which did not doe at all and became a circus attraction for a few years.

NoMoreCrazyPeople wrote:
Never ever did I say enything about free, I said "free."

=


Vastet
atheistBloggerHigh Level ModeratorSuperfan
Vastet's picture
Posts: 10348
Joined: 2006-12-25
User is offlineOffline
Nuke it. Not a microwave, a

Nuke it. Not a microwave, a nuke. By the time pain signals could travel to the brain, there won't be one. Smiling

Proud Canadian, Enlightened Atheist, Gaming God.


Jean Chauvin
Theistard
Jean Chauvin's picture
Posts: 1211
Joined: 2010-11-19
User is offlineOffline
Hello

Hello,

Upon the chopping of the head quickly, I held the duck with my legs having the blood drain for a few minutes. Got the feathers off, and read to cook. Roast Duck.

You guys do know that it is impossible to cook as an atheist. All good cooks are either Christians or steal Chrisitan techniques to allow their food to be edible.

My duck shall be delicious.

Hey TG, why did the TOFU cross the road? To prove he wasn't Chicken.

What do you call a Militant Vegan? Lactose Intolerant.

Have a hamburger TG. Just not an American hamburger. Grow and slaughter the lamb yourself, well done. That's good for you and your cancer. It's the pesticides that do you in.

Respectfully,

Jean Chauvin (Jude 3).

A Rational Christian of Intelligence (rare)with a valid and sound justification for my epistemology and a logical refutation for those with logical fallacies and false worldviews upon their normative of thinking in retrospect to objective normative(s). This is only understood via the imago dei in which we all are.

Respectfully,

Jean Chauvin (Jude 3).


Vastet
atheistBloggerHigh Level ModeratorSuperfan
Vastet's picture
Posts: 10348
Joined: 2006-12-25
User is offlineOffline
LOL You are so funny. I'm

LOL

You are so funny. I'm an awesome cook. If I didn't hate heat I'd probably be a chef. Sticking out tongue

Proud Canadian, Enlightened Atheist, Gaming God.


TGBaker
atheist
TGBaker's picture
Posts: 1367
Joined: 2011-02-06
User is offlineOffline
Jean Chauvin

Jean Chauvin wrote:

Hello,

Upon the chopping of the head quickly, I held the duck with my legs having the blood drain for a few minutes. Got the feathers off, and read to cook. Roast Duck.

You guys do know that it is impossible to cook as an atheist. All good cooks are either Christians or steal Chrisitan techniques to allow their food to be edible.

My duck shall be delicious.

Hey TG, why did the TOFU cross the road? To prove he wasn't Chicken.

What do you call a Militant Vegan? Lactose Intolerant.

Have a hamburger TG. Just not an American hamburger. Grow and slaughter the lamb yourself, well done. That's good for you and your cancer. It's the pesticides that do you in.

Respectfully,

Jean Chauvin (Jude 3).

Tofu does not look at you as you cook it and it does not scream as you slaughter it. Also one should abstain from blood ( you really can't drain it all out). Apostolic counsel ( Book of Acts).


 

"You can't write a chord ugly enough to say what you want to say sometimes, so you have to rely on a giraffe filled with whip cream."--Frank Zappa

http://atheisticgod.blogspot.com/ Books on atheism


Jean Chauvin
Theistard
Jean Chauvin's picture
Posts: 1211
Joined: 2010-11-19
User is offlineOffline
Hello

Hello,

Yes, I generally rarely if ever cook with blood. My steak via the store has blood at times and it is this that I sometimes do. My duck wanted me to thank you all for his prayers and concerns in his will.

Respectfully,

Jean Chauvin (Jude 3).

A Rational Christian of Intelligence (rare)with a valid and sound justification for my epistemology and a logical refutation for those with logical fallacies and false worldviews upon their normative of thinking in retrospect to objective normative(s). This is only understood via the imago dei in which we all are.

Respectfully,

Jean Chauvin (Jude 3).


Ktulu
atheist
Posts: 1830
Joined: 2010-12-21
User is offlineOffline
Jean Chauvin

Jean Chauvin wrote:

Hello,

Yes, I generally rarely if ever cook with blood. My steak via the store has blood at times and it is this that I sometimes do. My duck wanted me to thank you all for his prayers and concerns in his will.

Respectfully,

Jean Chauvin (Jude 3).

Yet another clear example at prayer's inefficiency.  If prayer were efficient you would have gotten crabs a few weeks back.

"Don't seek these laws to understand. Only the mad can comprehend..." -- George Cosbuc