You know, all of a sudden I'm starting to feel these strange aches and pains.   

  ( I used ativan once before, I took so much to quell my anxiety that I experienced double vision.  No effect otherwise. )

Just snap out of it, what's wrong with you?

Actually think of the benefits:

http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=depressions-evolutionary

The advantage you have as an atheist is actually being able to understand the true nature and source of your condition(it's not demonic). You also have the capacity to find a solution through science and reason.

I think it's too good a thread to not raise from the dead.

That said, no, I'm not doing well. I haven't gone to therapy...I'm not motivated to do anything.

Hi Ben,

Sorry you're not doing well. I wonder whether you've considered finding other work that doesn't involve disrupting your normal sleep-wake cycles so much? A lot of depression is physiological if you can figure it out and make some changes.

I was going to suggest regular exercise but then I read that you walk a lot on your job. So it sounds like you're already doing some things that will help. And you're talking about it here, that's a plus, too.

There's a new book out you might want to look at: The Depression Cure: The 6-Step Program to Beat Depression Without Drugs by Stephen Ilardi that has gotten good press from Amazon reviewers.

On a philosophical note, I will share that I have been feeling some intense sadness this week, and a kind of aimlessness for a couple of months. Finally I went on a walk after trying and failing to get the support I wanted from my significant other. And in some way I made my peace with the sadness. I had a running dialogue with myself and realized that so often we rush to avoid the unpleasant feelings. But there is a danger in addictions and other foolish, unthinking choices of various kinds when we are so pressed to avoid the pain. Maybe if we can just allow ourselves to feel, and wait it out with patience and courage, and listen and wait for the good healthy impulses that will come in time, that will be enough.

"Love is everywhere, I believe it"   John Denver

Good insight, cj. That makes a lot of sense actually.

Ben, sorry to hear you're still feeling depression. Cj's idea might actually make a good reason to go see a doctor about this. If I'm not mistaken, Canadian health-care should cover Seasonal Affective Disorder and you may be able to get a doctor to recommend a light therapy device or something related to that idea.

I know it's tough overcoming lack of motivation (trust me, I know it ). One thing I've found is sometimes just making a phone call is enough to start me on the path toward getting the help I need. For example, just call your doctor (find one if you don't have one yet) and before you know it, you'll be talking to the receptionist. Then it's the most natural thing in the world to make an appointment. Then once you have an appointment, you don't want to forget it right, so you write it down or put it in your phone or calendar (I use Thunderbird's Lightning plug-in, which works well enough). Then when the appointment day comes up, you just go to the appointment. Then you're at the doctor's office, and before you know it, you're talking to someone who wants to help. (Believe me, each of these tiny steps was torture for me when I first started looking for help.)

Don't think too much about it, just do it without thinking. Don't plan ahead or wonder how it may or may not turn out. Just get the phone number, pick up the phone and dial. All the stuff down the road will sort itself out. You only need to get over the hump of getting started. It's not as bad as it may seem to you in the moments when you are doubtful.

Good advice.

When I was at my worst, I self-rationalized not seeking help because I was afraid of where it would lead (I had twice before been placed in involuntary inpatient care and did not wish to repeat the experience).  In the interest of not triggering anyone, I won't get into the details, but in late December 2008, I was in a situation where not getting help would result in my death.  I realized that no matter what my fears were, whatever came of seeking help was better than than what I was going to do.

I made the call, and once the ball got rolling, the process of recovery got a little bit easier to do every day.

I look at depression as a condition that makes you more sensitive, especially to derogatory remarks especially by those you trust or see as role models or authority figures (assuming that you don't rebel against authority) that you put some sort of trust in.  I still worry about things I can't control, and am still so sensitive that movies make me cry.  Being alone is traumatic.  When people act like my opinion is invalid, it pisses me off so bad I could....  Just remember that it is just making you more sensitive.  Try to relax, take deep breaths and be calm.

 I suffered from depression increasingly over the years.  Much was brought on by feeling I was somehow not thinking right and unable to live right according to the book (you know what book).  I felt I was very different from others, because I seemed to think vastly different than everyone else.  I felt like an alien among humans.  I felt evil cause I wanted sex and the book said it was wrong.  Learning that I was not the only one who felt this way helped me tremendously.  I was lucky that when I checked myself into a mental hospital, they didn't try to push god on me.  I was sure THAT wasn't the answer and it wasn't going to help.  In fact, that was probably the first time I allowed myself to admit to others that I didn't believe in god.  That alone felt so good it helped tremendously.  I could be ME without being told I was evil and worthless.  

My depression is still here, it has a chemical basis, I m sure, but I am lucky.  Most of the time it is manageable, because I am strong willed.  I am downright stubborn.  Now that I know it is not my fault, I fight it.  sometimes I have to take a little Lexapro, sometimes more(especially during winter), but now I know I can get through it.  I still feel like giving up sometimes, but I just ignore it and tell myself I am tired or stressed.  I am most vulnerable in the winter when activity is limited.  My biggest part of managing mine is WORK.  I try to stay busy.  Physical exercise and sunshine are both great for fighting depression.  I work in my yard and get some sun.  The sun makes me smile, the work keeps my mind focused on other things besides how alone and different I feel.  Sometimes I don't want to get out of bed.  I do it anyway.  I do something.  I may have to set a tiny goal and do that.  Simply, "I am going to get out there and cut bushes for an hour." and dong it means I accomplished something.  The more you accomplish, even little things, the better you feel about yourself.  

For years I wrote.  I wrote my fears, my hopes, my dreams.  I analysed myself.  I showed it to counselors (it helps them get an idea where my head is without having to think of it on the spot).  I wrote poetry, short stories, rambling thoughts, evil thoughts, whatever.  I examined why I felt like I did.  Tell your therapist why you feel so worthless, scared, paranoid, whatever.  Maybe he can help you work through some of the mental aspects that are aggravating the condition.  Once you see why a feeling is irrational, you can tell yourself that it is not valid.  Believe it or not, telling yourself that you are worth something, that you have good qualities (make a list), and telling yourself positive things helps.  Look in the mirror and tell yourself how great you are.  It might make you laugh at least, and that is good.  Find reasons to laugh it helps emotionally and physically.

I despise a lot of the meds out there.  Many dull you down so you don't sink so low, but it also stops you from feeling very good, too.  Still, many meds now are far better than the old stuff, and some people need them to fight severe depression.

I try to find dietary supplements that might help.  Depression lowers your body's resistance to disease and makes you feel generally tired, sore and weak.  Find supplements to help build up your body's natural health.  Hell, even orange juice can help.  Get exercise.  I can't stress that enough.  It makes your body release endorphins that reduce pain and release serotonin easing some of your depression.  It keeps your mind busy.

I know this is really all over the place, but I worked thru a lot of this years ago, and now i just stay busy.  I am sure I am fortunate that my physical depression is probably slight.  Hope this helps some of you guys .

Well, Canada's hospitals are better than that, but you'd still want to avoid being "formed" (committed in Canadian legalese). Generally inpatients here are those who are highly suicidal, or completely incapable of taking care of themselves and have noone to take care of them. Most psychiatry is outpatient based, which I think is the best option under the circumstances. It won't be pleasant at first, because it will almost certainly take time for the doctor to find the right combination of meds, but once he/she does it should get better quickly. I spent a lot of time as security in psychiatric institutions here, and had the horror and pleasure of being assigned to patient watches (24hr observation of the patient) for nearly ten years. I also have a father who was clinically depressed and spent time in a hospital until they found him the right meds combo.
One thing that is true is watching your meds VERY carefully if you are ever a patient. Nurses are highly prone to fucking it up. If patients were not as....

Not entirely sure if this thread died again or not but I felt that I had to add a bit. You are not alone mate I've had chemical based clinical depression for years now and on meds meself, venlafaxine to be specific. That stuff you can't even miss one dose of as the body goes into withdrawel within a day or so.

That said I can only tell you how I cope and maybe that might add more ideas. I have 4 cats myself, which have a tendency to cheer me up amazingly, vitamine D supplementation is working quite well for me (I practically exist indoors). Exercise for multiple bnifits and read. In particular satire etc such as Terry Pratchett, truth be told I think that author kept me alive for a while. I have a fantastic circle of friends as well. Also This thread could do wonders as a form of 'talk theraoy' perhaps? A place where people can be there for you? Hell you're welcome to chat to me on here as well squire.

Hope you start or have styarted feeling better squire

+1.

Only difference is I ran off and became a Jew.