How should I deal with this work situation?
Offline My kitchen manager jumped the gun criticizing me for not checking my work before I put things up. IF he had simply watched and observed he would have seen me check my work.
I yelled at him because I felt like he was singling me out and got angry the next morning when I pointed out that others were making the same mistakes.
NOW, that is not my real issue. I know the reality, at least with the owner, that they have the right to fire me no matter how wrong I think they might be.
THAT is only the buildup to my real issue.
After saying "Don't raise your voice to me" my kitchen manager, outside earshot of everyone said to me, "you don't know how many w-2s I have filled out because I got into it with people". That was a veiled threat to get physical with me.
Having been raised by parents who hit me( I still love my mom and she didn't know better, I think she was simply trying to toughen me up, I have gotten over that and she she only yells at me now). AND having been beaten up in high school by bullies, after I got away from all that I said to myself I would never put up with those kinds of threats.
I already fear losing my job, not because I don't do a good job, but because it would be easier for my owner(not the kitchen manager) but the owner to save money by having the cooks multi task. THAT is bad enough.
But there to me is absolutely no excuse, to imply or use direct physical threats, even if I did raise my voice to him.
So I am wondering what I should do about this "implied" threat. He is much bigger than me and knows he could physically kick my ass. I have never hit a co-worker out of anger and never will so I am not going to "get into it" whatever that means, with him.
HOW do I proceed? I don't want to lose my job, but I also should not have to live in fear of being hit on the job.
My bottom line is no matter how wrong he thinks I was in raising my voice he has no right to touch me.
I have yelled at and been yelled at by everyone else there and in the end we all get over it and no one has ever hit anyone because of it. Working in a fast paced business will produce stress, but I do not see that as an excuse to threaten people, real or implied.
"We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus -- and nonbelievers."Obama
Check out my poetry here on Rational Responders Like my poetry thread on Facebook under Brian James Rational Poet, @Brianrrs37 on Twitter and my blog at www.brianjamesrationalpoet.blog
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Offline We'll if he ever did get violent, then he would very likely end up having to explain his actions before a Judge in criminal court and suffer the legal consequences and most likely lose his current job.
yeah, now that i think about it, i bet it was all a bluff. i don't know what he meant by "getting into it" with former coworkers, but i doubt he ever beat up a coworker, though i'm sure that's the impression he wanted to give you. he'd have had much more problems than just finding a new job.
with that in mind, i amend my former post. i think my reaction to that remark would just have been to snort sarcastically and say "shee-yit" in that way that only appalachian people can do properly, in order to convey the maximum amount of scorn.
"I have never felt comfortable around people who talk about their feelings for Jesus, or any other deity for that matter, because they are usually none too bright. . . . Or maybe 'stupid' is a better way of saying it; but I have never seen much point in getting heavy with either stupid people or Jesus freaks, just as long as they don't bother me. In a world as weird and cruel as this one we have made for ourselves, I figure anybody who can find peace and personal happiness without ripping off somebody else deserves to be left alone. They will not inherit the earth, but then neither will I. . . . And I have learned to live, as it were, with the idea that I will never find peace and happiness, either. But as long as I know there's a pretty good chance I can get my hands on either one of them every once in a while, I do the best I can between high spots."
--Hunter S. Thompson
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Start looking for a better job in your off time before you do get fired and if he gets physical and kicks your ass on the job you sue the fuck out of him.
If it were some off the job kind of conflict I would say man up and punch him in the nose. But on the job, they get physical with you they are fucked so don't swing unless he swings first and don't swing at all if there is no witness who will be truthful.
I'm not usually for suing people but if he is a prick and stupid enough to attack you he deserves it. You will be able to sue for physical abuse, loss of your job/income and mental stress. He will also get jail time most likely. Main reason I have stayed my hand this long against assenine customers, I don't like jail at all.
Faith is the word but next to that snugged up closely "lie's" the want.
"By simple common sense I don't believe in god, in none."-Charlie Chaplin
i would say something to the effect of, "you do whatever you feel you need to do, hoss, but you'll be filling out a lot more paperwork than that if you lay a hand on me" (i.e., an implied legal threat).
actually, what i would mostly likely say is, "you do whatever you feel you need to do, hoss, and you very well might take me, but you'll wish to god you hadn't gone through the trouble when you're pickin' an ear up off the ground."
but i think the former phrase is more in line with your ideology.
"I have never felt comfortable around people who talk about their feelings for Jesus, or any other deity for that matter, because they are usually none too bright. . . . Or maybe 'stupid' is a better way of saying it; but I have never seen much point in getting heavy with either stupid people or Jesus freaks, just as long as they don't bother me. In a world as weird and cruel as this one we have made for ourselves, I figure anybody who can find peace and personal happiness without ripping off somebody else deserves to be left alone. They will not inherit the earth, but then neither will I. . . . And I have learned to live, as it were, with the idea that I will never find peace and happiness, either. But as long as I know there's a pretty good chance I can get my hands on either one of them every once in a while, I do the best I can between high spots."
--Hunter S. Thompson
I sort of agree about suing though I don't think you need to telegraph your punches by informing him of any intent you may have.
But, for as long as he works there, go with a buddy. To your car or your locker or where ever. If you don't have one, get a motion sensor light or two for your yard. You might want to consider a noisy, yappy dog if you don't already have one. Even a Chihuahua can be intimidating and will wake you up in plenty of time to dial 911 - a real protection dog would be a Australian Cattle Dog (aka Blue Heeler) or a Australian Shepherd or a Welsh Corgi. They will be protective and they will bite and they are fast. And they are smart so you can train them to which regular visitors are okay and not to be bit.
Paranoid? yeah.
You want to be really paranoid? Figure out how to record your conversations with him.
-- I feel so much better since I stopped trying to believe.
"We are entitled to our own opinions. We're not entitled to our own facts"- Al Franken
"If death isn't sweet oblivion, I will be severely disappointed" - Ruth M.
Is reporting the threat to your kitchen manager's boss an option? Even if the big boss can't do anything about it it would at least a. give your kitchen manager the idea that you are not intimidated and that you were uncomfortable with the veiled threat, b. if something should come out of the incident with the kitchen manager the big boss would have at least heard about. c. the big boss may have complaints from other that you are not aware of and will watch the kitchen manager more closely.
Tough situation. Good luck!
KORAN, n.
A book which the Mohammedans foolishly believe to have been written by divine inspiration, but which Christians know to be a wicked imposture, contradictory to the Holy Scriptures. ~ The Devil's Dictionary
No matter how you move forward with this, it sucks for you. If you bend over and take it, he will take that as a sign of weakness and continue in the future. If you man up, you lose your job. Either way, there's not much of a future at that job for you. I would just look for a different job if I were you. You shouldn't be defined by what you do, but by how you do it. You'll be fine as along as you have good work ethics and in the end your self image is more important than your job.
"Don't seek these laws to understand. Only the mad can comprehend..." -- George Cosbuc
I'd tell him what he did was wrong and that if he tries anything he'll get what's coming to him and leave it at that.
Physical threats are wrong and this numbskull started them. Can you raise this with the boss/union?
This is a no-win situation for both of you. He can hardly beat you up in the workplace and get away with it.
I can see what a pain this is, having been knocked around as a kid myself. Doesn't take much to put you right back where you were at the age of ten.
I have some rage issues as a result of that stuff and would probably go completely mental in your situation.
"Experiments are the only means of knowledge at our disposal. The rest is poetry, imagination." Max Planck
Can you afford to hire a hit man ?
First of all, do not go around telling everyone at work about it, that will only make it look like you are trying to cause trouble. Second, talk to the owner when you are calm and explain to him your concerns. Keep it simple and straightforward and simply tell him what happened.
Make it clear that you don't want to cause any problems but believe that your manager is creating a hostile working environment. Hell, I would even admit to making a mistake and apologize for yelling at the manager. Explain that it was just an incident where egos got too big and the manager took it over the line. You don't want to get into a "did not, did too" argument over checking your work. Keep it focused on the threat.
Unless the owner is a complete dipshit, he is going to take it pretty seriously because if you talk to him and he does nothing, he could face liability if the manager does something stupid. Write down dates, times, weather, other people in the building etc. that you remember from when the manager made the threat and also when you talk to your boss and store them somewhere safe. Those kinds of details will help you if something does happen and you decide to file a lawsuit or if you get fired and try to seek unemployment for wrongful termination.
Most likely he is going to sit the manager down for a talk and will probably document it to cover his own ass. Unless the manager has some other issues or history of doing something similar things it really doesn't warrant more than that. If the owner is any good, he should stop and check with you after a few days to see if the manager has done anything to try to get back at you for reporting him. Regardless, you should talk to the owner again if the manager does anything like confront you about reporting him. Most of these workplace issues remain minor and are mostly a result of people venting stress from work or home, but it is usually best to make sure the chain of command knows whats going on so that if it does become serious, something can be done quickly. And owners/upper level managers HATE being blindsided by this kind of thing.
If, if a white man puts his arm around me voluntarily, that's brotherhood. But if you - if you hold a gun on him and make him embrace me and pretend to be friendly or brotherly toward me, then that's not brotherhood, that's hypocrisy.- Malcolm X
No one is going to get a physical fight out of me. That kind of crap is high school childishness.
He knows damned well he is bigger than me and I think this is more about me bruising his ego, not my work ethic. It is the simple bull elephant alpha male mentality.
If he raised his fist to me I would either fall to the ground and cover my face, or I would run to were other people were. The people I've known willing to hit you, don't do it in public in front of people, much like an abusive spouse.
Again, he admitted to having problems controlling his temper and lost jobs before because of his lack of control. Getting fired under normal circumstances doesn't involve threats, real or implied. Under no circumstances is it ever ok to touch someone merely because they "raised their voice" to you.
I didn't cuss him out, or call him names, I was simply frustrated that he was being selective about what he wanted to see. I don't see anything wrong with standing up for yourself, even if it is your boss.
My problem now is that I have to work under him worrying about him wanting to "take it outside", and not just to talk.
I really don't give a shit what he thinks I did in "raising my voice" just because I have a dick does not mean he has the right to hit me.
"We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus -- and nonbelievers."Obama
Check out my poetry here on Rational Responders Like my poetry thread on Facebook under Brian James Rational Poet, @Brianrrs37 on Twitter and my blog at www.brianjamesrationalpoet.blog
The thing is when he threatened me I had no witnesses. It was out back after the initial "don't raise your voice to me", then he said, "Lets go out back and talk", THATS when he said, "You don't know how many w-2s I have filled out because I had it out with people", and I told him that he was bigger than me and could kick my ass easly, if it were merely "I lost my jobs because I yelled at people", he would have made it clear to me "no, I don't want to kick your ass", He didn't correct me when I said he could kick my ass, which means he was willing to do so.
He knew damned well he was physically threatening me. I don't care what he thinks I did wrong, no one should have to fear physical violence on the job.
"We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus -- and nonbelievers."Obama
Check out my poetry here on Rational Responders Like my poetry thread on Facebook under Brian James Rational Poet, @Brianrrs37 on Twitter and my blog at www.brianjamesrationalpoet.blog
More advice, don't run around advertising this IRL. Sounds as if you have already advertised it to this guy and there is no way to say something like this without insinuating you are afraid in someones eyes who wants to intimidate you anyway. I don't understand the great fear of a physical confrontation, maybe that's a failing of mine, so I can't advise you much past this. But I wouldn't work where someone is pulling my strings like that it would make for a depressing fearful work environment. I ran off a confrontational asshole at work last year.
Faith is the word but next to that snugged up closely "lie's" the want.
"By simple common sense I don't believe in god, in none."-Charlie Chaplin
Lol, dude, I love your profile pic.
"Don't seek these laws to understand. Only the mad can comprehend..." -- George Cosbuc
None of them would come here anyway, and only a dick would fire you even if you were not using their name.
My last owners didn't give a shit about bitching, as long as you didn't do it in front of the customers. I have not used any real names or places.
Update, he came back to me today to say "you misunderstood me" after our owner talked to him. I didn't "misunderstand him". Even today when he tried to say "I wasn't threatening you", he talked about his past growing up where you "took the first swing" to get "respect". So even if he never hits me, I have to fear losing my job, merely because of his ego.
No one else there ever, even the prior boss's son, when I yelled at him, thought to fire me, even if they could. I knew damned well, even then, that they could have. He used the word "respect" and all that says to me is "don't bruise my ego". He even said about his own kids "My parents raised me to obey them, and that is what I want from my kids too".
Nothing I do there as far as my work ethic would get me fired. I am not fooling myself in thinking I have any rights, I don't. It just sucks that I know how this guy is going to "manage". But the way he described his past, I'm not going to put a damned thing past him.
I am just making a record here, "just in case".
And, as much as I love that job, besides his "management style", I am not going to live in fear of anyone. I may fear losing my job because I need to eat, but I am not going to fear him.
"We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus -- and nonbelievers."Obama
Check out my poetry here on Rational Responders Like my poetry thread on Facebook under Brian James Rational Poet, @Brianrrs37 on Twitter and my blog at www.brianjamesrationalpoet.blog
Yea really hard to give good advice on something like this. It's hard to really know exactly whats happening, probably why no one has gotten too specific. If you take any though do not advertise your unwillingness to fight, it is only taken as fear and people feed on it. On the flip side you don't have to bow up and act like you will fight (unless you can intimidate him physically and in this case he would probably leave you alone) This guy may outwardly act like he is a bit repentant if you called him out by saying you would not fight him because there is some guilt attached to being an asshole that brags about being a bad ass and has threatened you with physical violence but trust me, inside he is thinking of how he could kick your ass if you have let on that you are not a "fighter". We still are and will always be animals.
Faith is the word but next to that snugged up closely "lie's" the want.
"By simple common sense I don't believe in god, in none."-Charlie Chaplin
You are so desperate for your fictional friend to be the center of attention when normal mundane human problems happen.
My lack of belief had NOTHING to do with my child hood asshole. Actually I clung to it more during my childhood and teens. My journey away from ALL gods, happened way after I had accepted my parents baggage wasn't mine.
My rejection of ALL gods, was not "Bad things happen, so there is no god/s"
NO DIPSHIT
"There is no evidence for God/Thor/Isis/Allah/ Vishnu/pink unicorns, because there is no empirical evidence for any of those claims"
I'd suggest you do a survey of our prison population before you go around saying my life sucks because my parents hit me. I am not a felon and haven't even had a speeding ticket in 7 years.
Suck on that Fido, how does it feel to be property Fido?
"We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus -- and nonbelievers."Obama
Check out my poetry here on Rational Responders Like my poetry thread on Facebook under Brian James Rational Poet, @Brianrrs37 on Twitter and my blog at www.brianjamesrationalpoet.blog
fixt
Faith is the word but next to that snugged up closely "lie's" the want.
"By simple common sense I don't believe in god, in none."-Charlie Chaplin
Yeah, I despise the alpha-male ass holes. I've found when it comes to the threat of physical confrontation these types are very selective about who they put out signals with. They only choose to start shit with someone whom they already think they have a good chance winning against. If they have serious doubts about the outcome watch how quickly they resort to diplomacy to keep from getting their own asses destroyed.
So far, I suggest following the advice of Beyond Saving regarding strict recourse in this situation and Rob has kind of touched on the psychological aspect of youir dilemma .
I think I understand that you mean you choose not give into fear in order to continue functioning. Certainly a constructive attitude.
I have frequently worked with "bubbas" who love to try and intimidate by say something like "I'm not scared of any man" In my mind I'm thinking " Well ass hole I wasn't going to scare you to death"
I like to troll the trolls myself. It's fun watching an asshole squirm, maybe I'm an asshole for it though /shrug.
Faith is the word but next to that snugged up closely "lie's" the want.
"By simple common sense I don't believe in god, in none."-Charlie Chaplin
Even if as he claims now, that he wouldn't get violent with me, like I said, his management style is "don't raise your voice to me" "obey authority, just like he says he is raising his children. Nice, so he is the "parent" and I am to be molded.
So I should sacrifice my self and my dignity to stroke his ego. He is ultimately right though, although he exposes his own insecurities by doing such. I find it pathetic that people will use their power position to get others to placate their egos.
But it is true, "don't mess with the alpha male", even when you've done nothing wrong. I don't have any less or any more flaws nor do I make any less or any more "mistakes" than any other person there. He doesn't want to see for whatever flaws I might have, I make up for in my caring and my work ethic. He also has no damned clue how many times I have corrected the work of others. I think he picks on me because I outshine him a far as the amount of work I do.
"We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus -- and nonbelievers."Obama
Check out my poetry here on Rational Responders Like my poetry thread on Facebook under Brian James Rational Poet, @Brianrrs37 on Twitter and my blog at www.brianjamesrationalpoet.blog
We'll if he ever did get violent, then he would very likely end up having to explain his actions before a Judge in criminal court and suffer the legal consequences and most likely lose his current job. Neither of which would look too good in his next job interview especially since many employers now do criminal background checks. I'm pretty sure he already knows this unless he's a complete idiot.
Any such actions by him toward you ( or any other employee ) would simply be him cutting his own throat. I hope nothing ever happens to you in this regard but if it ever did you would most likely be getting the last laugh. Believe me there are many attorneys out there whose sole mission is to squeeze every last drop of life out of such persons.