Choose Your Own Passion Adventure Myth
This adventure story is reproduced from the thread I started last year called Easter Myth Week - http://www.rationalresponders.com/forum/20050
Since beginning tomorrow marks the annual rite celebrating the mythical adventures of the Jesus I felt that everyone should have the opportunity to create their own version.
One can even claim that it's supported in the Gospels, see the above link for all the details.
Have fun with it.
Choose Your Own Passion Adventure Myth
1- When Jesus came into Jerusalem he -
a) Rides in on a donkey colt 2 disciples stole.
b) Rides in on an ass & a colt because he has so much baggage or his own ass was too big for only one.
c) Rides in on an ass he personally steals.
2-After he arrives in Jerusalem he -
a) Goes to the Temple and overturns the moneychangers concessions committing insurrection.
b) Goes to Bethany and the next morning is hungry. He sees a fig tree and wants figs. The Sun Scorched One is so pissed when it has none, wrong season, he cursed it. Hungry, he has ill temper and trashes the concessions at the Temple. The following day, the tree has died. Jesus tells his disciples if you believe hard enough, you too shall cause property damage and untold destruction such as casting mountains into the sea.
c) Spies a fig tree as he is hungry. It has no figs, wrong season. He cursed it and it immediately dies. The disciples are amazed. Jesus says, if you pray hard enough you can have mountains cast into the sea. Jesus doesn't mention this will cause loss of life and tsunamis.
a)has a massage, from expensive oil which was done by a woman who is not named. The disciples say it should be sold for cash for the poor. Jesus said no, I liked it.
b)recalls the foot massage a hooker gave him with expensive lotion. He also enjoyed this as well, though the disciples wanted to sell it this time too.
c)recalls the great massage Mary gave him. Judas always looking for money wants to sell it.
4-The priests want to capture Jesus so-
a)Judas goes to them and agrees to do it for 30 pieces of silver.
b)Judas goes to them because Satan has entered him and he agrees to sell out his friend.
5-Jesus wants a location for the Passover meal-
a)so he sends out 2 disciples that are to look for a guy with a pitcher, then follow him home. They are to go inside and demand to see the hall that the master wants for the festival.
b)so he sends his disciples to a man who is told that Jesus wants to have his meal there.
c)so he sends Peter & John to follow a guy with a pitcher home. They are to go inside and ask to see the banquet room.
a)washes the disciples feet.
b)doesn't wash their feet, go to 7
a)one of them will betray him and he'll have his hand in the main dish with me.
b)one of them will betray him and he'll have his hand in the main dish with me. Is it I asked Judas? Yes.
c)the one that will betray him has his hand on the table at the same time as he does.
d)the one that will betray me will take a sop from me.
8-Jesus said Peter will deny him 3 times-
a)before the cock crowed twice
b)before the cock crows.
a)they sing a hymn and go to the Mt of Olives.
b)Jesus tells them to sell their clothes and buy swords.
10-When they get to Gethsemane-
a)Peter, James, & John go with him apart from the others, Jesus then goes away by himself. He returns 3 times finding them asleep.
b)Jesus goes a stones throw from the disciples and prays. An Angel comes to help him. He sweats as in blood droplets.
c)Judas shows up with the armed men.
11-When the armed band arrives to seize Jesus-
a)one of the disciples slice off the ear of the high priest's servant.
b)one of the followers slice off the high priest's servant ear and Jesus immediately healed it.
c)Peter slices off the ear of Malchus, the high priest's servant.
12-After the armed men arrive-
a)Jesus said he could have 12 legions of angels for defense if he wanted.
b)all the followers flee in fear, one so terrorized he loses his robe and runs naked from the scene.
c)Jesus causes them to all fall to the ground with just words.
13-After he is captured, Jesus is taken to-
a)the high priest's palace.
b)the high priest's father-in-law's house.
14-Peter follows and gains access-
a)by walking into the outer courtyard, warming himself by the fire.
b)when another disciple who is known to the priests goes in and informs the woman at the door to let him inside.
15-Peter denies knowing Jesus first to-
a) a serving maid at the fire and then the cock crows.
b)a woman who approached him in the courtyard.
c)a woman inside the hall.
d)the woman at the door who lets him inside.
16-Peter denies knowing Jesus the 2nd time to-
a)another woman while he was standing around near the fire.
b)a maid while he is on the porch.
c)another who claims he too was among the followers.
d)those standing about the fire.
17-Peter denies knowing Jesus the 3rd time-
a)to others who said surely you are one of his followers as you are Galilean. The cock crowed a 3rd time.
b)to those about the fire. The cock then crows.
c)to a man who said, he is one of them as he is Galilean. Jesus then looks directly at him.
d)to a servant who is a relative of the guy who's ear Peter had cut off.
18-Jesus is taken-
a)to Pilate. Who decides to quickly dispatch him to his execution after he gave the people a choice between Jesus and Barabbas.
b)to Pilate. Who heeds his wife's warning as she had a dream he should have nothing to do with this incident. He then washes his hands of it, He gives the people a choice, Jesus or Barabbas will die, the other goes free. They want Jesus executed.
c)to Pilate. When he hears he is Galilean, sends him to Herod. Herod is elated, he wanted to see Jesus' magic tricks. Jesus did not perform. He is sent back to Pilate. Pilate gives the people a choice. Jesus or Barabbas will die, the other goes free. They want Jesus executed.
19-Jesus is taken to his execution site-
a)en route Simon is pressed into service to carry the cross.
b)en route Simon is pressed into service to carry the cross. and Jesus has time to discuss with the many women how their lives will become filled with woe.
20-While on the cross-
a)the other 2 criminals say nothing to him.
b)the other 2 criminals insult and make fun of Jesus along with the lynch mob.
c)one of the criminals insults and mocks Jesus while the other is repentant.
21- When Jesus dies-
a)the veil in the Temple is torn in two.
b)the veil in the Temple is torn in two. There is an Earthquake and dead people rise from the grave wandering the city.
c)it is right after he tells his mom and a disciple, behold thy mom, behold thy son.
22-Observing the execution-
a)from afar were many women including Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of James & Joses, and Salome.
b)close enough to talk with Jesus were Mary his mother and his disciple John.
c)may have been some of his followers from afar. (optional)
23-After Jesus has died
a)he is speared.
b)he is not speared.
24-Joseph asked Pilate for the body of Jesus-
a)and he was a rich man.
c)a good & just man.
d)all of the above.
25-Jesus is placed-
a)in a new tomb with new linen by Joseph
b)in Joseph's own new tomb.
c)in a new tomb after Joseph removed Jesus from the cross.
d)in a new tomb that was convenient to the place of execution by Joseph and Nicodemus.
26-The Herodian priests and their enemies the Pharisees-
a)went to see Pilate requesting the tomb be guarded and sealed lest his disciples steal the body and claim he had been resurrected as he had prophesied.
b)would not walk across the street to say shit to each other yet alone work on something together.
27-On the 1st day of the week-
a)Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of Joses & James and Salome visit the tomb.
b)Mary Magdalene and the other Mary visit the tomb
c)Mary Magdalene, Joanna, and Mary the mother of James & John visit the tomb.
d)Mary Magdalene went to the tomb.
28-When she/they got to the tomb-
a)an angel is inside who told them Jesus is not there he has risen & will meet his disciples in Galilee.
b)2 angels are inside the tomb who tells them that Jesus is risen and will meet his followers in Galilee.
c)2 angels are in the tomb and they ask why the weeping. When she/they turn around a man thought to be a gardener is asked where the body has been taken. The man says, Mary and is recognized as Jesus.
29-When the women -
a)see Jesus they touched his feet.
b)see Jesus are told not to touch him.
c)leave they tell no one.
d)leave, Mary Magdalene claimed to see Jesus.
a)see Jesus in the country while walking and he was in another shape or form.
b)one named Cleopas saw him on the road to Emmaus. When they stop for a meal, he disappears after he breaks bread.
31-A group of -
a)11 disciples see Jesus in Galilee when they are eating. He gives them their commission & departs for heaven.
b)11 disciples go to a mountain in Galilee where Jesus appears. He gives them their commission. He then is not in the plot of the story any longer.
c)11 disciples are informed of the Jesus sighting on the road when he appears to them in Jerusalem. After he gives them their commission he departs for Heaven from Bethany.
d)10 disciples were hiding from arrest warrants behind closed doors when Jesus appears. He breathes on them the Holy Ghost, rendering the Luke version in Acts pointless. Thomas not there does not believe. 8 days later all 11 are gathered together and Jesus returns. Thomas touches the marks in his hands as well as the gash in his side. Mary M wasn't allowed to touch him earlier but Thomas can.
This will enable you to create whatever version of the story you choose, depending on your mood of the day, the current church or denomination to which you belong or the delusion you consider to be real. You can of course try to say all these things happened and these choices are no more than the perspective of the writer. Good luck with that.
"I guess it's time to ask if you live under high voltage power transmission lines which have been shown to cause stimulation of the fantasy centers of the brain due to electromagnetic waves?" - Me
"God is omnipotent, omniscient, omnibenevolent, - it says so right here on the label. If you have a mind capable of believing all three of these divine attributes simultaneously, I have a wonderful bargain for you. No checks please. Cash and in small bills." - Robert A Heinlein.