It's in my nature...
Hopefully, I can fluently describe what I perceive to be "In My Nature." Hopefully, I can get a response that might help me determine what I believe, what I am, and what I could do with my beliefs. I've lived my life with a set foundation of beliefs that have been constant. I've been through a multitude of different religious experiences and each one served it's purpose for the time being, but now I find that I'm a bit lost in what I should believe in. My philosophies are crumbling and each passing day I don't grow more jaded, I grow more confused. The more I seem to know about something, the less I seem to understand it. So I want to pose the question: Where can I find the answer?
First, I will briefly describe my religious, philosophical, and theological history using a list:
- I was raised by Christians who wanted me to find my own religion. They believed I should have a strong philosophical foundation in order to harbor good morals, values, self concepts, and other good things that will help me find happiness.
- As a result, I went through different phases of philosophies and religions. Including, but not limited to Apostolic Pentecostalism, Catholicism, and Buddhism. Eventually, atheism. As far as my philosophical standpoint, I have no clue.
- My religious and philosophical beliefs, like anyone, developed through the experiences I've had. Each seemed to play an important and strong role in specific times during my life. They helped me through different situations.
- Now, I hold few philosophical values.
Now that I've described my history, let me describe some of the values I hold in a very simplistic way. These include, but are DEFINITELY NOT LIMITED TO:
- Family: I believe family is undeniably essential. You can't choose who gives birth to you and you're biologically related to, but you can choose your family. Family is love, respect, loyalty, and honesty. Like life, family can't always be fair or kind. But it's what you have. Whether one other person is your family or you are a family of mankind is irrelevant. It's family.
- Friends: A true friend is nothing less than family. They are one in the same.
- Other people/Strangers: I will admit to holding a prejudice against a few select group of people, like everyone. However, if I sweep away all of the cloudy negative thoughts I have toward different groups, I will tell you that everyone is the same. We are all born to live a tough life and we will always die when we need to. I respect everyone I meet, I am kind to everyone I meet, and I am generous and caring towards everyone I meet, until they give me a reason not to be. Plato once said "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." I look for good base qualities: loyalty, respect, kindness, generosity, intelligence, honesty, humor, cleverness, thoughtfulness, happiness. Typically, if someone lacks in a few areas, as long as they have other good qualities that outweigh the bad. I don't judge people based on their bad qualities because I've made enough mistakes of my own to be a hypocrite if I ever said anything about what someone else does.
- Organized Religion: Religion served it's purpose during the early times of humanity when we still had government systems largely based on religion. Those religions provided a set of laws that the people had to obey in order to live a... "healthy" lifestyle (it's the only word I can think of). Today, ever since the separation between Church and State, we no longer need religion because we are still surviving with sets of laws that, if obeyed, will provide us with the opportunity of living a healthy life (arguably). But, it still serves its purpose for those who are fearful of what might happen after death. It seems that's it's only use - answering the enduring question: "What will happen when I die?" I also think that some of the accusations religions make toward humanity and it's development are far-fetched, such as the fact that the earth is 5000 years old... it's 4.6 billion years old, behaviorally modern humans are 50,000 years old...
- Spirituality (as opposed to religion): Spirituality also serves it's purpose. It answers the question I previously stated. I, personally, cannot say that I believe nor disbelieve in a spiritual plane. I don't really know if I believe in God or not. Honestly? It's all interesting. What would God be? Is it a white bearded man in the clouds? Is it an unseen force that determines the fate of everything in the universe? Is IT, in fact, an IT? Maybe it's a she? Maybe it's a dog? Maybe it's a grain of sand? Maybe it's the force of gravity said to aid in the creation of the universe? I don't know. If I was going to believe in a God, I would say that the God I believe in cannot be described in neither books, nor faith, nor science. I don't know how to describe him. I suppose God is an intangible force. If I wanted to try and put words to it, I would say that God is the ridiculous question you get to every answer: Why? Why this? Why that? Why? Why? Why?; God is the gravitational force that let's our Earth travel around the sun at 1700 km/hr; God is that little human instinct that tells you when something is a bad idea; God is you, and God is me. But why should we worship God, when God is all around us and God is everything? I sound like a Christian, but I can tell you that everything I believe to be God doesn't mean more to me than the shit I took this morning.
- Humor: Always laugh. There is nothing in this world you should not joke about. Absolutely nothing.
I suppose I will stop there, since I hit every major point in a person's life, or at least every major point that's relevant to this topic. In my nature, I suppose I believe in God. I suppose I can't deny that there is something more in the universe than just this life, then death and eternal blackness. I don't value life, I don't value God, I don't value religion, I don't value people. Well... I value my family and friends, myself, and my values and beliefs and morals. But even I can't deny the potency of human life. I can't even deny the fact that there is that extra something, that unknown X that nobody can look past. Existentialists believe "life is meaningless, ultimately." Nihilists believe "we can never known what is true, so nothing is true." What I wonder is, how are they to tell? Why should they be given the authority to determine what life is and isn't? They can only tell us what life is and isn't for themselves. That's not what life is for me, and that certainly isn't what life is for a Christian.
Surprisingly, I don't think I have any philosophy. I value the people I love and myself. And where I have searched, and searched, and searched... I found nothing of any relevance to the greater picture of life. Everyone who calls themselves one thing - an atheist, a Buddhist, somebody who worships cauliflower - is missing the forest for the trees. Why should one person bind themselves to once principle that will mean nothing when they die? Does it mean a happier life when you're alive? Not necessarily; in fact, not at all. The only The only thing I can say I do believe in is science. I don't think that there is a single thing in this world that we cannot explain with science - it's just a matter of when and how advanced our science is as that point. If we are able to accelerate a proton to 99% of the speed of light, something that scientists 100 years ago could never even dream possible, using the large hadron collider... what else are we capable of?
Now, I know it's ridiculous to even fathom the idea of asking someone else "Where do I find the answer?" In this situation, I'm the only one that can find the answer. None of you can get into my head and tell me what's best, but I suppose I should change my question ... What do you all think? What's your opinion on all of this? Am I full of shit? Or do I have something going?
Tell 'em that God's gunna cut you down.