FYI: I may come across as a Christian in this post, but I am still an agnostic. I enjoy having deep discussions about religion, human nature, and history, and I am just sharing my thoughts//opinions/questions, and hope to get feedback.
I use to be what I thought was a Christian, then I became an Agnostic-Atheist. Long story. However, I have been doing some deep thinking lately about God, and have an interest into becoming perhaps a real mature Christian for the first time.....maybe. But it's a big choice, and I can't rush into it. Now what I am about to ramble about did not just happen overnight. It was a long process, and this rant will be long, and will be followed up with more posts.
In my opinion, for twenty-four years, I was a believer of what Dinesh D'Souza calls "Crayon Christianity". i.e....I believed in God because I was taught to believe, I was in it for the trip to Heaven, I highly underestimated the powers of Satan, and because I assumed you got whatever you wanted and because I never got what I wanted, and because I suffered, was not born the most handsome man ever, have also been around some pretty nasty people too many time's in my life, never was given protection from God from those people, was a total coward, and finally, I was born with learning disabilities. I am almost thirty-years old, and I can honestly type that it has ruined my life. Any and all issue I have/had can be traced back to these problems in my brain. I have suffered so much as a result of it that I have come close to killing myself, and I fear one day I will. But I digress.
I finally stopped believing in God because I could not understand why he made me this way, and why he has left me to the wolves so many times when I tried so hard to be a good Christian. For the most part of my life, people have patronized me or have been rude and sometimes cruel to me whenever they are not ignoring me. I've compared myself to Job for years before I quit. It started as a hate for God when I was a kid and teenager, but then soon lead to no belief at all in my mid-twenties and has been like this for several years now.
On the other end - I think there are literally millions of people who are the same way in a sense. They assume their good gifts come from God, but....if God is real....
1. I don't think God has a plan for everyone.
2. I don't think God knows everything.
3. I don't think God is all-loving, and is fully capable of punishing people, as well as rewarding human beings, and has done both.
4. I don't think for the most part God interferes much in life, and I don't think there is any set plan.
5. Christians often say life here doesn't matter, and that it's only about Heaven. I disagree. I think that this life here on earth DOES matter.
6. I don't think overpraying is a good thing. Pray once for your request, then leave it alone.
7. I don't think going to church is always a good thing, especially if it is filled with false converts who will only lead you to sinning.
I think that above is all apart of "crayon Christianity", and mostly came from the mouths of humans. Not God or the bible.
Most of the Christians I have been around through out my life are/were not real Christians, and would be offended that I would say they are not, but according to the bible, they are false converts and God will one day say to them: "Depart from me. I never knew you."
I know they are/were not true Christians because they lie, they steal, they get into fist fights, they get drunk, they do drugs, they watch porno, they enjoy violence, they pressued me into sinning when I was a Christian, they lust, they take the Lord's name in vain, and more, and they are open about it, and they don't care.
Why? They blindly assume God will forgive them because Christ died on a cross, and therefore, they don't have to follow the rules anymore. To me, that's like a serial killer killing, but then telling God he is sorry, but then goes out and kills again next week, still expecting to get into Heaven. To God, ALL sins are equally the same according to the bible and He sees murder the same way he sees lusting. The reason why you and I don't see murder and lying as the same thing is because according to the bible, you and I are sinners. God is so perfect, the sins are all the same to him.
A true Christian would have God within their soul, and thus would have no desire to sin, and would see lusting or lying or physically hurting or mistreating another human the same way they see murdering someone. They'd see it as so horrible, they wouldn't even want to think about it and would be disgusted by it. To me, all the rules in the bible are there for a reason, and I get most of them, and living that lifestyle can lead to a happy life. And to me, that is being a Christian. And you follow the Lord not so you can go to Heaven or to get whatever you want, but because following His rules can be Heaven within itself.
If the Devil is indeed real, he is so good at what he does, it is beyond scary because he tricks millions of people into sinning daily, and still makes them think they are Christians who will go to Heaven, and then in the process, is able to turn people like me off from Christianity. Satan is indeed a master of deception. Being around these false converts is what lead to me leaving Christianity because I believed that is how Christianity was, but in all reality, I was not hating God, I was hating a wolf in sheep's closing. i.e. I was hating Satan pretending to be God.
Upon more thinking, I qu...estion if "Crayon Christianity" is the right title. I think "Satanic Christianity" would be the more ideal title since Satan IS able to trick millions of Christians into sinning daily, but still convince them they are Christians. In all honestly, I wouldn't want to follow a God that lets repeated liars into Heaven anymore then I'd want to worship a God that lets serial killers into Heaven.
Millions of non-Christians hate/mock Christianity, but they are hating The Devil's counterfeit Christianity.
......That is assuming any of it is real of course. Just because millions of people do not understand the bible still doesn't mean it's true. But maybe it is?
There are tons of smart people from both sides on here, and I'd love to get your responses to this post.