Fuck Christmas

Sapient
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Fuck Christmas

A few years ago I googled "Fuck Christmas" and the first thing that came up was right up my alley.  I asked for permission to repost it and have used it a few times since.  Please feel free to post your Christmas grievances in this thread!

 

Oh man, fuck Christmas.

Seriously – are you kidding me with this “There’s a war on Christmas” bullshit? FOX News wasn’t raking in enough cash already from all the Christmas commercials for Kill ‘em All Barbie and Girls Gone Wild Brand Toddler Gear? They had to start publishing books about some bogus attack on Christianity? And who did they pick to lead this particular charge?

John fucking Gibson. This guy has wiener written all over him.

Bill O’Reilly gets all the credit as the biggest nutcase in FOXville, but Gibson really deserves his own special wing in the happy house. This motherfucker’s embedded assignment reads “Up Karl Rove’s ass.”

What makes him such a dick? I mean, besides making a fortune by screaming hysterically about how oppressed Christians are by the other twenty percent? How about advocating bombing countries that don’t vote the way we want in their own elections? Way to encourage democracy, fuckhead. And maybe he was kidding when he wished, on air, that the French had gotten the 2012 Olympics instead of the Brits so the terrorists would “blow up Paris,” but it might have been just a touch over the top to call for it again on the day of the London train bombings. Classy move, asshole.

And really? That’s just scratching the fucking surface. Anyone remember who was responsible for the bombing of the Federal building in Oklahoma City? John does:Iraq. And speaking of Iraq, Gibson thinks Rove deserves a fucking medal forouting that CIA agent. And, like any good reporter, he wanted to burn the Florida ballots after his buddy Bush got “elected” rather than, I don’t know, count them? “Is this a case where knowing the facts actually would be worse than not knowing?” That right there is why sometimes it’s useful for journalists to go to, what do you call that fucking place? Oh yeah, journalism school.

And now he’s all worked up about Christmas being stolen. What is this, the fucking Fairytale Network? It’s a national fucking holiday and we’re spending gobs of our hard-earned tax dollars on wreaths and lights for your special Santa day. But these bastards are all “But they call them Holiday trees!” Here’s a clue: no, they fucking don’t. Ok, maybe in a couple places, like on FOXNews.com and at theWhite House, but if Christmas is under attack, I’m Kris fucking Kringle.

And guess who’s stealing Christmas, according to Gibson. Go on — guess. “A cabal of secularists, so-called humanists, trial lawyers, cultural relativists, and liberal, guilt-wracked Christians — not just Jewish people.” (Emphasis mine. Pure, unadulterated anti-semitism, his.) A cabal? Are you fucking kidding me? Could we try to be a little more fucking original with our Jew-hating?

Speaking of Jew-hating, Pat Buchanan has joined the hype-a-thon of the supposed Attack on Christmas, too. Or, as he put it, “What we’re witnessing here are hate crimes against Christianity.” Sorry? We’re not so hot on paying for an inflatable camel for your goddamn nativity scene and suddenly we’re Slobodan fucking Milosevic? Fuck you. Get some goddamn perspective, you little prick. When they start hunting Christians in the streets, it’ll be time to start yelling “Hate crime.” And no, it won’t count when they start chasing you with the torches. That’ll be called “The Most Wonderful Time of the Year.”

And Bill O’Reilly, Gibson’s cellmate in the silly shack, is doing his part to save Christmas, too. He’s been going after New York’s Mayor Bloomberg (that Commie) because he says the Christmas Tree at Rockefeller Center has beenrenamed a “Holiday Tree,” and “No Christian Christmas symbols are allowed in the public schools.” The only problem? Neither of those things is even remotely fucking true.

It takes some super-sized balls for O’Reilly to get all lathered up about sinners and their fictional anti-Christian crusade. Every fucking person on the planet has hard and fast evidence that Bill is a world-class pervert, but still he feels totally justified lecturing the rest of us on our moral inferiority.

How fucked up is Bill O’Reilly? Pretty fucked up. Everyone got so crazyfaced about him confusing a sponge and a Middle Eastern snackcake (pretty fucking funny, mind you), that they missed the scary bit: what he meant to say. Old Bill wanted to get all funky on his intern like this: (you’ll excuse my foul language, I’m quoting an award-winning newscaster here) “I’d take the other hand with the [loofah] thing and put it on your pussy.”

loofah (lū’fə) noun. A natural exfoliating sponge.

exfoliate (ĕks-fō’lē-āt&rsquoEye-wink verb. To remove (a layer of bark or skin, for example) in flakes or scales; peel.

That’s right. Bill O’Reilly, fount of morals, is super familiar with the female anatomy. So much so, that he knows how good it feels to have one’s pussy exfoliated. We’re talking h – o – t, Hot. That’s exactly who I’m going to for mylife lessons.

Sorry, where were we? Oh yeah, fuck Christmas.

Can we back up just a couple steps here? At what point did a basic understanding of the separation of church and state become a fucking war on religion? And how did we get to the point where you can call an organization set up to defend our civil liberties “Terrorists” on national television and no one fires your ass? Enough. Fuck all of you lying little shitheads who wish the world was out to get you so you could play the poor oppressed victims. Wake up assholes — you’re the cowboys, not the fucking Indians.

“But we want to display our Christmas tree on city property!” You can, go right ahead. “They’re stopping us from praying in school!” They’re not, so fuck off. “We’re not allowed to say ‘Merry Christmas’ anymore!” Are you fucking kidding me? Knock yourself out. Say it at work, scream it in your high school lunch room, hell, tattoo it on your fucking forehead for all we care. Guess who’s gonna be theredefending your right to do every one of those things? The fucking ACLU. One of these days you bastards are going to drive those fuckers out of business, and thenyou’ll see some actual attacks on your religious liberties. I thought conservatives were supposed to be all proud and independent? When did they turn into a bunch of fucking crybabies?

Let’s back up even fucking further, shall we? Can anyone tell me how old Christmas is? Anyone? Two thousand years, give or take, right? Gee, who’s been reading their No Child Left Behind History Textbooks? Try fucking four thousandyears. Huh. Twice as fucking long as your little baby king has been around. How could that possibly be, unless. . . waitaminute. . .

Christmas isn’t fucking Christian. Ok, now we’re talking.

That’s right, that Yuletide cheer you’re spreading? What exactly do you think Yuleis? It's the fucking Pagan celebration of solstice. And those “Christmas” traditions? They’re not just like Pagan rituals, they fucking are Pagan rituals. Way before your Jesus got all magical with the bread and fishes, the Romans were celebrating the birth of Mithra on . . . guess? Go on – guess. December fucking twenty fifth. What a weird coincidence. Practically the whole thing is ripped off from the fucking Druids and the Romans. Twelve days? Check. Exchanging gifts? Check.Mistletoe? Check. And you’d better fucking believe that those decorated trees that Gibson and Co. are so bent out of shape over are as Pagan as the Rune and Crystal Shack at Pentagramfest 2005. You might as well be building miniature fucking Stonehenges in your den.

And don’t you read your own goddamn Bibles? Jesus was born when? In the middle of winter? Lot of Shepherds out watching their flocks around that time of year in Bethlehem? No, because they’d be freezing their fucking asses off. Tell you what – y’all go figure out which one of the different Bible stories about the birth of Baby Jesus® you want to believe, and then we’ll argue about whether it fucking happened like that or not.

Christians just stole a bunch of traditions from other cultures, slapped them together, stuck a fucking tinfoil star on top and called it the Most Important Holiday of the Year. Modern American Christmas makes Michael Jackson look positively organic.

But you boys at FOX still freak out every year about how everyone's out to get your special trees. This is really the most important thing you have to talk about? Whether Target says Happy Holidays or Merry Christmas? Here’s a brainstorm: there’s a fucking war on. Our soldiers are out there dying while you guys do your 14th live feed of the day from WalMart to show us what good little consumers we are. What Would Jesus Do? He’d jump over that newsdesk and kick your ass for that shit. Are you sure you want to hang your journalism credentials on a story about what some guy calls a tree?

Well we’ve fucking had it. You want to play bullshit games and scream about how God’s fucking judgment is gonna come raining down on us if we don't start watching our vocabulary? Go right the fuck ahead. But let me clue you in on something: fire and brimstone ain’t no deterrent for us. We’re not going to hell, assholes, we’re fucking in hell. We live with you.

And fuck Easter too, you fertility–rite–celebrating, whiny, self-righteous, don’t–know–the– history–of–your–own–religion assholes. Fuck off. 

 


Brian37
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What I hate about Christmas

What I hate about Christmas is that they fucking beat you over the head with it 3 months in advance. You don't see Jews do that with Hanukkah. IT'S ONE FUCKING DAY! Crowded malls, and over commercializing.

I get the presents. I get being with family. It is to me an excuse to have a day of and spend time with my mother and have fun.

But there are other religions and non-religious people who live here too, and while we don't care how you celebrate the day, don't cry like whiny little babies when others don't celebrate the season like you do.

 

"We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus -- and nonbelievers."Obama
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True on all counts... But

True on all counts... But what does any of this have to do with Lobster and King Crab legs... Dolche de Leche Cheescake...  and me getting a Samsung Galaxy pad, and a new Robert Graham shirt?


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 Well, just yesterday, I

 Well, just yesterday, I got a huge windfall. It turns out that my employer was making an improper deduction for a couple of years and now they owe me the money that I did not know about.

 

I have been planning on building a balls up computer for a couple of months but was holding to a budget that was a whole lot less that what is now real. Suddenly I can do a whole lot better...

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fuck christmas

 Sounds like something I wrote in a comment to a letter to the editor on my local news magazine's website. Some person, obviously Christian, was offended that one of the local banks didn't have even as much as a Christmas tree. The guy tried to claim that "no one worries about offending Christians", claiming that Wachovia and Chase banks' lack of a Christmas tree was offensive to Christians. What the fuck?

 

If you'd like to read the article here's the link: http://www.sj-r.com/letters/x1757248797/Letter-No-one-worries-about-offending-Christians

 

My comment's the one at the bottom of the list.

"As a militant atheist I do not advocate violence against religious people, they will kill themselves off eventually." - myself


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Fuck X'mas, indeed.

What I LOVE about christmas is the fact that it never really was about Jesus. All of these right-wing "news" sources railing about the "War" on christmas make me want to laugh. The only reason we celebrate christmas (here in the US at any rate) is the commerce. Before the advent (pardon the pun) of Santa Clauses and reindeer and presents and christmas carols in the 19th century, christmas was essentially a drinking holiday. The only people who attended any kind of "Christmas Mass" were the residents of monasteries, and they attended mass every day. Christmas was no particularly special day to them.

All of this garbage about the "reason for the season" is just so much nonsense. Since I don't usually want to start arguments with my family and friends, I usually stop myself from saying so, but neither do I allow such bullshit to get to me anymore.

I was singing at an Episcopalian church this christmas (a gig is a gig is a gig) and during the sermon, the priest said something about how nice it was to be in a place where he could say "Merry Christmas" out loud without getting into trouble. I wanted to yell out some sort of rebuttal to that, but I simply turned to the old man sitting next to me and said, "Have you ever gotten in trouble for saying 'Merry Christmas?'" He just smirked.

I don't really think that most people believe in a tenth of the crap that their priests and ministers spout out, unless Fox News is there to air it.


Brian37
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Tadgh wrote:What I LOVE

Tadgh wrote:

What I LOVE about christmas is the fact that it never really was about Jesus. All of these right-wing "news" sources railing about the "War" on christmas make me want to laugh. The only reason we celebrate christmas (here in the US at any rate) is the commerce. Before the advent (pardon the pun) of Santa Clauses and reindeer and presents and christmas carols in the 19th century, christmas was essentially a drinking holiday. The only people who attended any kind of "Christmas Mass" were the residents of monasteries, and they attended mass every day. Christmas was no particularly special day to them.

All of this garbage about the "reason for the season" is just so much nonsense. Since I don't usually want to start arguments with my family and friends, I usually stop myself from saying so, but neither do I allow such bullshit to get to me anymore.

I was singing at an Episcopalian church this christmas (a gig is a gig is a gig) and during the sermon, the priest said something about how nice it was to be in a place where he could say "Merry Christmas" out loud without getting into trouble. I wanted to yell out some sort of rebuttal to that, but I simply turned to the old man sitting next to me and said, "Have you ever gotten in trouble for saying 'Merry Christmas?'" He just smirked.

I don't really think that most people believe in a tenth of the crap that their priests and ministers spout out, unless Fox News is there to air it.

What they are too dense to see is that Christianity started out as a cult. The difference between a cult and a business, is that a cult sells superstition and a business sells a REAL product. But what both do is compete through marketing. The best way to be successful as a start up, is to incorporate surrounding motifs and ideas.

Blood sacrifice was a motif in polytheism long before the Jesus "sacrifice". The idea of purity in the female as being desirable was around long before the virgin birth claim of the bible. The idea of getting even in the OT was preceded by "an eye for an eye" in the Code of Hamarabi(sp).

Believers often try to challenge the atheist to say "show the connection". Which is bullshit. You cant always show evidence that you read a Harry Potter book. But JK Rolland didn't invent the motif of flying around on brooms. Just as you will never have recorded evidence of all the people you meet in passing and never see again.

What we do know is that humans are capable of falsely believing superstitions as fact. When you compare those two choices between a god being real, and the reality that people merely make them up and their culture is merely inspired by prior cultures, it is obvious that all if it is merely the wishful thinking of humans.

"We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus -- and nonbelievers."Obama
Check out my poetry here on Rational Responders Like my poetry thread on Facebook under BrianJames Rational Poet also on twitter under Brianrrs37


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Brian37 wrote:The idea of

Brian37 wrote:

The idea of purity in the female as being desirable was around long before the virgin birth claim of the bible.  

You mean they were trippin' on BJ's and anal sex?....

I keep asking myself " Are they just playin' stupid, or are they just plain stupid?..."

"To explain the unknown by the known is a logical procedure; to explain the known by the unknown is a form of theological lunacy" : David Brooks

" Only on the subject of God can smart people still imagine that they reap the fruits of human intelligence even as they plow them under." : Sam Harris