How do you make someone understand when it seems they don't want to?

rebecca.williamson
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How do you make someone understand when it seems they don't want to?

So I'm having a problem with this person I know. I try really hard to explain things to this person and they just go in circles and misinterpret EVERYTHING. I can say "it makes me feel sad when you do blank" and they come back with " oh you think the world is out to get you". Wtf? How do you make someone understand that they can't run over you when they are the one that brings the conversation up? Or do you even bother?

If all the Christians who have called other Christians " not really a Christian " were to vanish, there'd be no Christians left.


Luminon
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Try to write it in big

Try to write it in big letters and simple words on paper. Then emphasize, that sometimes women REALLY DO mean what they say exactly as they say it.

My parents know some people like that and they avoid them, don't invite them for visits, or anything. Although they're maybe those who don't listen, rather than misinterpret things.

Beings who deserve worship don't demand it. Beings who demand worship don't deserve it.


Sandycane
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rebecca.williamson wrote:So

rebecca.williamson wrote:
So I'm having a problem with this person I know. I try really hard to explain things to this person and they just go in circles and misinterpret EVERYTHING. I can say "it makes me feel sad when you do blank" and they come back with " oh you think the world is out to get you". Wtf? How do you make someone understand that they can't run over you when they are the one that brings the conversation up? Or do you even bother?
That sounds EXACTLY like my ex-bosses wife! It was as if we were each speaking a foreign language to the other - her mouth would move and words would come out but what she said made no sense and had nothing to do with what I said to her. I just avoided her as much as I could and when we did have to communicate, I kept it simple to 'yes' or 'no' questions and answers. That helped.

If your friend is important to you, you need to find a better solution than this though.

'Unthinking respect for authority is the greatest enemy of truth.' A. Einstein


Beyond Saving
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 I believe willful

 I believe willful ignorance is an incurable condition, however in some people pot and/or alcohol can help alleviate the symptoms for a short time. Or the medication can be applied to yourself to make it less frustrating to deal with the person. 

If, if a white man puts his arm around me voluntarily, that's brotherhood. But if you - if you hold a gun on him and make him embrace me and pretend to be friendly or brotherly toward me, then that's not brotherhood, that's hypocrisy.- Malcolm X


EXC
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rebecca.williamson wrote:How

rebecca.williamson wrote:

How do you make someone understand when it seems they don't want to?

 

Deadly force, bribery or addictive motivators such as drugs, sex, food, music, power, social acceptance, religion, etc..

 

Reason only works when it can be linked to survival and pleasure. Reason is not a motivator in and of itself, that is why people will usually not listen to reason.

 

“Religion is regarded by the common people as true, by the wise as false, and by the rulers as useful.” Seneca


Atheistextremist
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This person has

 

made their mind up about you and your motivations and uses themes, tones of what you are saying to confirm the bias of their baseline opinion.

It's hard to know what you should to without an appreciation of context. Is this work or personal? I'd try communicating through a third person.

I tend to think someone who refuses to listen to you at all is showing some self focus issues that aren't your fault.

Can you take the discussion somewhere out of both your comfort zones and try to get back to a core communication position? Re-connect?

Why not send the form of words you posted here to this person?

 

 

 

"Experiments are the only means of knowledge at our disposal. The rest is poetry, imagination." Max Planck


harleysportster
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Sadly enough

The behaviors of some people can be quite hard to determine. I have had experiences with people, where I could try and talk to them about an issue for hours and hours and it would seem like a common ground was being reached, only to have them revert back to their original stances. Which would make me feel like all of my communication was just a waste of time. I think alot of it depends on the person that you are trying to communicate with and what the actual issue is. There is a possibility, that the person has events and people in their past, that influence the way that they behave in the present. There is a possibility that present communication, might be interpreted based upon previous experiences that this person has had and thus, the reason for some of their more mystifying reactions. Hmm, how well do you know this person ? How well do you know their history or their previous patterns of behavior. I could guess that some of their reactions could have alot to do with that. But then again, this is all speculation on my part and I could be completely wrong.

“It is proof of a base and low mind for one to wish to think with the masses or majority, merely because the majority is the majority. Truth does not change because it is, or is not, believed by a majority of the people.”
― Giordano Bruno


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It's called deprogramming,

It's called deprogramming, and it's illegal in most places because it involves imprisoning the person against his or her will.

There have been some interesting cases of deprogramming in the past where the family has given consent, but these days they usually result in lawsuits or even criminal charges.  If the deprogramming is successful, however (if the person doesn't fake it to get free- or the deprogrammer is good enough to catch that), then the person usually won't press charges in my understanding- it is, however, quite a big risk, so not done often these days.

Seems like it's better to cut your losses, from a legal standpoint.  The 'friend' probably isn't worth risking jail for.  If the person is in a suicide cult, or something of that matter, if you can collect evidence of this, you may be able to get out of criminal charges in court on the basis of trying to save the person's life- aside from a case like that, though, I wouldn't suggest any unlawful solution.

 

The advice about drugs might be workable (also technically unlawful in many places)- if not unlawful where you live, that might work if the person will take them willingly.  That seems like a bit of a long shot, though.


rebecca.williamson
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Thank you everyone for the

Thank you everyone for the advice and opinions. This is a personal thing and I think I know what I need to do now. A lot of what everyone said I've been thinking the same. Thanks everyoneSmiling

If all the Christians who have called other Christians " not really a Christian " were to vanish, there'd be no Christians left.


jimmy.williamson
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replys

I am sorry that this domestic issue was displayed on this form..

I realize that everyone that responded to this did with go intentions. The problem is that post itself was used as bullet for an argument.

I have received e-mail with each of your post stating "see ________agrees with me your an asshole.."

This is not the purpose of this form.

I think that all would agree that in the context of a marriage it changes things.

Most of the answers seemed to be directed at dealing with the neighbor or distant relative not a spouse. Using people out of context to strengthen your argument is real low thing to do in my book.

Again I am sorry that any of you wasted time on this..

Throughout human history as our species has faced the frighten terrorizing fact that we do not know who we are and where we are going; it has been the authority (the political, the religious, and the educational authorities) who have attempted to comfort us. By giving us order, rules, and regulation. Informing or forming in our minds their view of reality. To think for yourself you must question these authorities. THINK FOR YOURSELF…


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Just a thought, but perhaps

Just a thought, but perhaps she's trying to make a point you should be paying attention to?  Maybe she's blameless and you're being an asshole?  Maybe you're blameless and she's being an asshole?  Maybe you're both being assholes?

 

Either way, it might be a good idea for you both to cool off for a while, then talk it over with the understanding that you are both serious about whatever the issue is.  Obviously it is important enough for both of you that you're both willing to bring it up in 'public' to make a point.  Good luck.

 

*Edit* Although, to be fair, she didn't bring your name up.

Everything makes more sense now that I've stopped believing.


rebecca.williamson
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Ok just so everyone knows I

Ok just so everyone knows I didn't mention a name because imo it doesn't matter who you are dealing with. A co-worker, a family member, a friend or a spouse. When they want to discuss things with you because there is a problem, but then don't want to listen to yours then that in itself is an issue to me. To be fair I didn't mention who I was talking about. I just asked for opinions. Also I am sorry for the immaturity.

If all the Christians who have called other Christians " not really a Christian " were to vanish, there'd be no Christians left.


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Again, good

Again, good luck.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'll leave this open, but if anyone posts anything nasty it will be locked.

 

Everything makes more sense now that I've stopped believing.


Cpt_pineapple
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Here's a good book on the

Here's a good book on the matter

 

http://www.amazon.ca/Mistakes-Were-Made-But-Not/dp/0151010986

 

 

 


mellestad
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Cpt_pineapple wrote:Here's a

Cpt_pineapple wrote:

Here's a good book on the matter

 

http://www.amazon.ca/Mistakes-Were-Made-But-Not/dp/0151010986

 

 

 

http://www.amazon.com/Mistakes-Were-Made-But-Not/dp/0156033909 <-- Link that does not reek of maple syrup.

Everything makes more sense now that I've stopped believing.


Cpt_pineapple
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mellestad wrote:Link that

mellestad wrote:
Link that does not reek of maple syrup.

 

 

 


mellestad
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Edit: Actually, I finally bought the book just now.  I've seen enough people link to it, it must be good! (I bet there is a chapter in the book about appeals to authority!)

Everything makes more sense now that I've stopped believing.


Sandycane
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mellestad wrote:Again, good

mellestad wrote:

Again, good luck.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'll leave this open, but if anyone posts anything nasty it will be locked.

 

Party-pooper.

Are you opposed to PMing?

'Unthinking respect for authority is the greatest enemy of truth.' A. Einstein


mellestad
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Sandycane wrote:mellestad

Sandycane wrote:

mellestad wrote:

Again, good luck.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'll leave this open, but if anyone posts anything nasty it will be locked.

 

Party-pooper.

Are you opposed to PMing?

I don't care what anyone does in PM as long as it doesn't break forum rules about harassment.  But I am willing to lock a thread to save them from themselves if they start calling each other doo-doo heads.  That's all I meant.

Everything makes more sense now that I've stopped believing.


jimmy.williamson
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I had no intentions in

I had no intentions in throwing around the doo doo head word! Lol
I just felt that people needed to know the root of these post.
Again this is not the place to do those type of thing.
I am sorry if it sounded immature.
I don't want to argue on a forum. Not with a spouse anyway.

Throughout human history as our species has faced the frighten terrorizing fact that we do not know who we are and where we are going; it has been the authority (the political, the religious, and the educational authorities) who have attempted to comfort us. By giving us order, rules, and regulation. Informing or forming in our minds their view of reality. To think for yourself you must question these authorities. THINK FOR YOURSELF…


Sandycane
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mellestad wrote:I don't care

mellestad wrote:

I don't care what anyone does in PM as long as it doesn't break forum rules about harassment.  But I am willing to lock a thread to save them from themselves if they start calling each other doo-doo heads.  That's all I meant.

Got 'cha.

'Unthinking respect for authority is the greatest enemy of truth.' A. Einstein


Sandycane
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jimmy.williamson wrote:I had

jimmy.williamson wrote:
I had no intentions in throwing around the doo doo head word! Lol I just felt that people needed to know the root of these post. Again this is not the place to do those type of thing. I am sorry if it sounded immature. I don't want to argue on a forum. Not with a spouse anyway.

Hi Jimmy. The funny thing is, no one had a clue as to who the OP was about until you identified yourself. I agree, this is no place to air your personal business...especially now that we know who you are. Now, both of you stop being such doo-doo heads!   and kiss and make up.

'Unthinking respect for authority is the greatest enemy of truth.' A. Einstein


jimmy.williamson
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Apology to all

I will say that I am sorry for bring this thing up.
I am sorry that all of you have been brought in to this domestic issue.
And to Becky I am sorry that I exposed this to the world of RRS.
I hope that all can be forgotten. For now anyway.

Throughout human history as our species has faced the frighten terrorizing fact that we do not know who we are and where we are going; it has been the authority (the political, the religious, and the educational authorities) who have attempted to comfort us. By giving us order, rules, and regulation. Informing or forming in our minds their view of reality. To think for yourself you must question these authorities. THINK FOR YOURSELF…