Conscious ejaculation, psychosis and mysticism
Offline Hi everyone,
I would like to talk to you about my mystical experiences.
I am now 33 years of age. When I was 17 years old, I prayed the Rosary intensely. While praying the Rosary, I had inner visions of a spiritual light, brighter than the sun, which radiated love, peace and warmth that penetrated my soul. It filled me with joy and bliss. This inner light became brighter the more intensely I prayed the Rosary. However, after about a year or two, this light was replaced by spiritual darkness – a dark night of the soul. As a teenager, my hormones were raging, and I frequently consciously ejaculated. The spiritual light that I used to experience when praying the Rosary decreased and became darkness when I consciously ejaculated. I could not control the urge to ejaculate, and I just did it.
After a while a pattern emerged. The quantity of conscious ejaculations was in direct proportion to the spiritual darkness into which my soul was plunged. The greater the quantity of conscious ejaculations, the deeper the spiritual darkness my soul fell into. However, after a few years of practice, I learned to stop conscious ejaculation with frequency. I managed to reduce conscious ejaculation down to once per year. Then the spiritual light returned in my soul. I call the light Heaven and the darkness Hell, because that is how the two states felt to me. Hell (the spiritual darkness) incorporated psychosis. In the spiritual darkness, I heard voices swearing and cursing as two to three syllable phrases. These voices were accompanied by a burning and churning sensation in my head, thorax and abdomen.
Between 1995 and 2009, my soul was in a state of what I call purgatory, the dark night of the soul, or Hell-Heaven Continuum. Please correct me if I am using the wrong terminology. What I discovered about this Hell-Heaven Continuum is the following. At the Hell end of the continuum there is the Hell point of no return. And at the Heaven end of the continuum there is the Heaven point of no return. When my soul was in purgatory, conscious ejaculations caused my soul to descend towards Hell. I once perceived a Hell point of no return, which if I had crossed, would have been suffering of my soul that increases exponentially over infinite time. In March 2009, I crossed the Heaven point of no return. This is happiness that increases exponentially over infinite time. My soul crossed the Heaven point of no return by reducing conscious ejaculations to once per year.
After crossing the Heaven point of no return, something mysterious happened in my soul. Conscious ejaculation no longer caused spiritual darkness. My soul no longer descended towards Hell as a consequence of conscious ejaculations. Furthermore, if I now withhold conscious ejaculations, I develop acute psychosis i.e. I start hallucinating. These hallucinations are very disruptive. The hallucinations go away altogether if I consciously ejaculate frequently. I have a question about this. In the Catechism of the Catholic Church, 2352, it says that masturbation is a sin. If I do not masturbate, the hallucinations I experience make it impossible for me to function normally. It is only by masturbating that I can get rid of hallucinations. So how do I get around this problem? I need to masturbate to get rid of hallucinations which disrupt my life, but masturbation is a sin. The hallucinations I experience by not masturbating make me a danger to myself and others. So is masturbation the lesser of two evils?
Idealist
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I don't know where to start...
Maybe I'll start by saying this: Masturbation is not sin at the eyes of the Bible, it is not written in ANY of it's pages. The sin of masturbation was an invention of the catholic church like many others.
In fact regular masturbation, if you can't have sex for any reason, is good for your health! I'd recommend a google search for both things; the sin of masturbation and the beneficts.
I'd say you are a very impressionable person. It's not normal to have allucinations, I'd say you better get help from a specialist. Clearly your story points to a built up of a feeling of guilt over all these years, because of masturbation, that in your mind was sinful. You probalby don't believe me but I do think the visions you have come from your mind. Your struggle with the acceptance of this normal physiological function proves this.
Teralek is right, masturbation was never mentioned as a sin in Bible. There's a case when God punished a guy called Onan for spilling his seed, but that's coitus interruptus. Onan was greedy and didn't want to conceive a heir with widow after his brother, who would inherit the property. So greed is the sin, not sexual functions.
Priests of all kinds fought sexuality, because they wanted to have monopoly on marriage, and everyone who would want to marry (have sex) and have children (almost everyone in the whole fuckin' world) would have to obey their godma... er, dogma
, to have a permission for marriage. (or divorce) Masturbation and fornication was then something like today is illegal downloading of warez, it makes people independent of authorities and institutions. Churches want to have copyright on sexuality, you know?
I think what really pulled you away from the blissful state was not ejaculation, that's a normal bodily function, but a guilt from it. I can assure you that I know this heavenly state of existence very well and there is no correlation between it's occurence and how often I get off.
Beings who deserve worship don't demand it. Beings who demand worship don't deserve it.
Uhm, guys ? You do know he's just taking the piss, right ?
Thanks for your responses.
No I’m being serious. I really do have this problem. It disrupts my life, and it’s very irritating. I am grateful for any constructive contributions about how I can deal with this problem. I need all the help I can get.
Idealist
You're telling us you're a compulsive masturbator, and you're being serious ?
I'm probably falling for a poe again, but sure, okay, here you go : http://www.sexualrecovery.com/
Salt peter reduces your ability to get it up. As does diabetes and subsequent nerve damage. Prostate troubles will put a damper on it. So will getting old. Basically, you just have to wait and the problem will go away by itself. Only a couple of more decades to go.
Really, it is a non-issue. Frequent release of sexual tension and ejaculation is good for your emotional state and body. A healthy young male person should be regularly ejaculating and enjoying the associated release of endorphins. Not releasing sexual tension has a negative impact on your body. Why would god/s/dess want you to be ill? And your other option is to get married and get laid a couple of times a day until you get the hormone levels down. You might want to focus on achieving that goal.
-- I feel so much better since I stopped trying to believe.
"We are entitled to our own opinions. We're not entitled to our own facts"- Al Franken
"If death isn't sweet oblivion, I will be severely disappointed" - Ruth M.
It's hard to find a good woman these days...
Thanks everyone for your responses so far.
I have had a read of that article on compulsive masturbation at that link you gave. I don’t think I am a compulsive masturbator. I only masturbate about three times per week, and it’s for five minutes at a time. So unlike the individuals described in that article, I don’t masturbate to the point of self harm, my masturbation does not cause me to isolate myself, and I don’t use pornography to ejaculate. Just a few flicks of the wrist and it’s done.
I also have a girlfriend, and we have sex almost every day. Sometimes it only lasts for ten minutes. But she’s fine with that. In my opening post I should have been more specific. I try to use the term ‘conscious ejaculation’ rather that ‘masturbation’, as we also ejaculate during sex with a partner.
I consciously ejaculate on average, three times per week. Conscious ejaculation stops me from experiencing hallucinations. I am diagnosed with psychosis. My psychosis manifests as hearing voices. But when I consciously ejaculate, the voices stop. By consciously ejaculating at least three times per week, the voices never come back. So conscious ejaculation actually helps me. It keeps psychosis at bay.
My only problem is whether or not it is a sin. Teralek and Luminon really helped by saying that masturbation is not mentioned in the Bible. That helps me feel better. Although Jesus did say that if one looks at a woman lustfully, then one has already committed adultery in one’s heart. It is impossible to masturbate without having lustful thoughts. So maybe this teaching of Jesus implies that masturbation is a sin.
cj has also helped. I am sure that my god/s/dess would not want me to be ill.
So we have arrived at this. The website link posted by Anonymouse says that frequent conscious ejaculation is harmful. But cj says that it is good. So which is it? Is it harmful or good? I suppose that’s a science question, as well as a religion question.
Please can you tell me what ‘poe’ means. Thank you.
Idealist
Three times a week isn't harmful, so relax.
If you've been diagnosed with psychosis, you need to go see your shrink and ask his opinion on this as well.
You on any meds ? Cause any kind of compulsive behaviour could be a side-effect.
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=poe
If you're not one, sorry, but we've had so many, I really can't tell the difference anymore.
I used to be on injections of depixol once every two weeks. But my psychiatrist has decided that since conscious ejaculation three times per week gets rid of the hallucinations, I no longer need the depixol injections. It really works. Three times weekly conscious ejaculation gets rid of the hallucinations. So no more meds for me.
To Everyone: We still need to know, is frequent ejaculation harmful or beneficial? Do you have any useful scientific or religious links to back up your claims? Anonymouse’s link says it’s harmful, but cj seems to be saying it’s beneficial. I put this question to everyone reading the thread.
Idealist
It also decreases the risk of late-middle age urinal problems with enlarged prostate, because it's an exercise that keeps it flexible and in good shape. And many other things.
Also... well, if you have a potential problem with voices in your head and hallucinations, it is good to trust your psychiatrist. Mystical practices require a stable and sane personality, otherwise it can be dangerous for mental health. It is possible that sexual practices help because they help you to get again in touch with your body and physical reality. If that wouldn't work, medications would be very recommended.
In my experience, it's very important to do some physical activity on which you can concentrate here and now. Sex is the best example. For most of people it can't be something unpleasant like hard work or causing yourself a pain, because that would force you to escape into the mind and beyond. If you're in good shape, some recreational sport or manual work can be also fun.
Beings who deserve worship don't demand it. Beings who demand worship don't deserve it.
Yes, do you swear with your left hand this is all true?
Taxation is the price we pay for failing to build a civilized society. The higher the tax level, the greater the failure. A centrally planned totalitarian state represents a complete defeat for the civilized world, while a totally voluntary society represents its ultimate success. --Mark Skousen
Dude, relax. The site specifies "to the point of injury". Doesn't apply to you. Not at three times a week it doesn't.
I've never heard of three wanks a week warding of psychosis, btw, but if it works for you, then good for you, and be glad it does.
Here's some more shrinks backing you up :
hrcak.srce.hr/file/76221
So yeah, go right ahead, and stop worrying.
Beats injections.
Pissed. I cheerfully please my self a couple of times a day and have my entire life from about 12-and-a-half yo to 43yo. If I didn't I'd be climbing the walls.
My record is 11 times in a day and I assure you that if there was going to be some sort of health issue associated with the practice, I would be displaying it.
A recent fertility test showed 98 per cent motility so no issues there. Really, Pissed, I'd just enjoy it, if I were you.
And feel free to enlighten us a bit further on this prayer-wanking technique you seem to have developed. Maybe I shouldn't have spurned jesus after all.
"Experiments are the only means of knowledge at our disposal. The rest is poetry, imagination." Max Planck
Don't stop. Jacking off a few times a week is a heck of a lot better than hallucinating and potentially hurting yourself or others. I'm sure any kind of god out there would understand. If your worried about "sinful" thoughts just get a good picture(s) of your girlfriend. Tell her your shrink said you had to do it.
If, if a white man puts his arm around me voluntarily, that's brotherhood. But if you - if you hold a gun on him and make him embrace me and pretend to be friendly or brotherly toward me, then that's not brotherhood, that's hypocrisy.- Malcolm X
I recommend Pissed_Ontologist check into the nearest psych ward, and stay there. Permanently.
PS: not for yanking yourself either, but for the delusions of "light" an "dark" mumbojumbo.
Enlightened Atheist, Gaming God.
Please call and talk to my wife. Please.
Everything makes more sense now that I've stopped believing.
That's what I was thinking. If I could kneel in front of Mary and instantly pop one out I'd build a little shrine. Probably a couple so I wouldn't have to walk across the house.
Shit, I'd just have a statue in my pocket. Embarrassing if it ever fell out at a meeting, but I think worth it overall.
Everything makes more sense now that I've stopped believing.
I am not a marriage counselor. Though if I got paid for it-----
-- I feel so much better since I stopped trying to believe.
"We are entitled to our own opinions. We're not entitled to our own facts"- Al Franken
"If death isn't sweet oblivion, I will be severely disappointed" - Ruth M.