Just another Infidel
Seems I have a slightly different story from many I've seen here. I identified very much with INFIDEL by Ayaan Hirsi Ali. Despite the differences in our faiths, she had many of the same experiences and asked many of the same questions as I did.
I was raised in the church. A modern and, what I thought at the time, fairly forward thinking Mennonite Church. But not only was I raised there...I BELIEVED! I think the first time I "accepted the holy spirit" I was around five. I remember going for long walks and thinking I could hardly wait to die so I could get to heaven. I used to repent for days if I so much as THOUGHT the words, "Oh my God!" I served on the committees and was even president of the youth group. I bought the whole thing hook, line and sinker...for a very long time. The thing is....I did have questions, very early on. But I allowed them to be answered by what I called "faith" at the time. Also, I never really felt like I fit in. Try as I might I couldn't seem to form good friendships. And when my husband joined (also a Menno, but thankfully just as open to change and free thinking as I was) he felt the same way. It took a lot of years, but eventually we figured out that we, very simply, had nothing in common with these people. Over the years, thanks to having 3 kids, and life just getting busier, our attendance declined. And I found myself asking more questions. A lot of very tough questions. Then I started writing. I took up writing erotica novels, and the open-minded stance towards all things sexual began to open my mind even further...to all sorts of things. Eventually I came to the only--and obvious--rational conclusion. And here I am. I can't tell you how good it felt the first time I allowed myself to say the word "fuck" and not feel like I had to repent for 3 days. LOL
I HAVE lost friends thanks to my beliefs, but of course what kind of friends were they to start with? My parents are the only ones I choose to actively protect from my beliefs (or lack therein), but that is only because they're in their mid-80's, and confiding this would serve no purpose other than to cause them pain.
I am now the mother of 3 of the smartest, most fun, most amazing teenage boys on the planet. I have a wonderful, supportive husband whom I enjoy more every day. I write smutty novels and teach workshops where I spew dirty words in front of dozens of people. And I have never had more fun. I live in Southern Ontario Canada.
And that, in a rather large nutshell...is me. This place looks like fun.