I know that you want to be Canadian please
Posted on: October 31, 2009 - 9:56pm
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I know that you want to be Canadian please
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I want to spend a few days with that hot blond Canadian chick...
=
Not to nitpick, but it should have been titled "America's Hat, Please".
America's brain would be more fitting than hat.
Catchy.
Enlightened Atheist, Gaming God.
Hello Vastet.
With love
Canada's balls.
=
I'm only projecting because I'm slowly realizing my country is doomed to die a slow death from stupidity.
"Faith, Faith is an island in the setting sun,
but proof, proof is the bottom line for everyone."
Proof, Paul Simon
Nothing this hard should taste so beefy.
Parts perhaps.
Enlightened Atheist, Gaming God.
^ Made popular by jealous United States residents. And Canadians who couldn't stop laughing.
Enlightened Atheist, Gaming God.
"Step One, lose the gun."
Ummmm. No. In fact, I think I'll buy another so I can loan those two people one of mine with two bullets.
We really need to move some of our border guards away from the south and transfer them up north. We need a 49th parallel demilitarized zone with bunkers every 50 yards. Oh we'll put up signs in French too.
"Arretez! S'il vous plait."
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And WE really need to conquer your asses again. This time, we shouldn't let you have your country back afterwards.
Enlightened Atheist, Gaming God.
I grew up in central Maine, {South Brewer} so I know exactly what a damn Yankee is.
Battle of Chrysler's arm, battle of Queenston Highs, battle of Lundy"s lane, after all three we kicked yankee butt back over the nearest boarder {due South}, you managed to burn York {Modern Toronto} to the ground but General Zebulon Pike {Pike's Peak} died in the effort. The following year, in retaliation we Burned Washington D.C. to the ground.
Now grab a Tim Horton's and a hockey stick an see if yea up to it agin', eh?
"Very funny Scotty; now beam down our clothes."
VEGETARIAN: Ancient Hindu word for "lousy hunter"
If man was formed from dirt, why is there still dirt?
Just brought back a memory from 2000 when I was sight-seeing in Europe, pressing through crowds in the central part of Florence, Italy, taking in the medieval architecture and classic statues, such as the replica of Michelangelo's David.
What grabbed my eye was the sight of two bright red coated figures on horseback trotting along a nearby street.
Never did find out what the occasion was...
Favorite oxymorons: Gospel Truth, Rational Supernaturalist, Business Ethics, Christian Morality
"Theology is now little more than a branch of human ignorance. Indeed, it is ignorance with wings." - Sam Harris
The path to Truth lies via careful study of reality, not the dreams of our fallible minds - me
From the sublime to the ridiculous: Science -> Philosophy -> Theology
oooooohhhh!!!
"200 years ago we were badass!!!" - Canada
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"Step one, loose the gun"
Sure. No problem Canucks. You know the rules. You can have it when you take it from my cold, dead hands.
But there really is a flaw in the song: I already live in America, why would I move to America's Jr.?
Canada conquered the the US? Don't make me laugh. We looted Toronto (or York, as it was called) and the British relatiated by burning down some of the public buildings in D.C. That ain't conquering and we all know it.
"You say that it is your custom to burn widows. Very well. We also have a custom: when men burn a woman alive, we tie a rope around their necks and we hang them. Build your funeral pyre; beside it, my carpenters will build a gallows. You may follow your custom. And then we will follow ours."
British General Charles Napier while in India
You mean the White House, right?
I bet the Romans wouldnt consider it a defeat if some hairy barbarians thrashed the Senate, either *snicker*
What Would Kharn Do?
Even 70 years ago we did more than you. We only fight when we need to. When we fight, we always win. You cannot say the same. Afghanistan has a better track record than you do.
Enlightened Atheist, Gaming God.
Don't forget to brush your teeth!
Theism is why we can't have nice things.
You're proving your own ignorance. Even if you want to ignore the fact that a huge chunk of the troops were Canadians from the land called Canada who called Britain home as much as you ever have, they raped your asses all the way to New Orleans. FAR south of Washington. You pussies were begging for a ceasefire.
Enlightened Atheist, Gaming God.
And you are proving your own ignorance and dishonesty.
Although British Forces, primarily veterans from the Napoleonic Wars, did make an attempt on New Orleans, they did so by way of a naval landing. Your comment implies the Canadians managed to march down to N'Arlans, which is patently retarded. The Burning of D.C. was likewise accomplished by a naval raid, not an army marching southward from the border.
Canada's primary contribution of forces were in the militias that defended their land from American Offensive Operations, ensuring that what little territory had been occupied by either side was returned at the end of the war. The Burning of D.C. was carried out by a squadron of the Royal Navy, not Canadian Militias (although with Britain's dire need for able sailors in the Napoleonic Wars and thus, the war of 1812, it is entirely possible that there were Canadians in the ships. But then again, considering one of the primary causes of the war was Britain Impressing American sailors into their navy, it is also possible that there were some American Sailors doing the burning), and the Battle of New Orleans had no Canadian Soldiers in it, with its army composed of primarily the regiments of the British West Indies Forces, thus native Jamaicans and British Veterans of the Continental, Particularly Iberian, Campaigns against Napoleon.
This doesn't even get into the fact that the Battle of New Orleans was a resounding Victory for American forces who, despite being outnumbered 4000 to (numbers conflict, and range anywhere from 7500 to 25K) inflicted monstrous casualties on the British for comparatively little in return (2000 vs 71). Likewise, you also don't mention that the British occupied Washington D.C. primarily by the superior firepower of their navy (no shit, they're the bloody British, America wouldn't start looking to become a serious Naval Power until the Panama Canal at the Earliest, and wouldn't consider Naval Matters to be Serious Business until The Great War. And even despite this, America won a good portion, if not most, of the one on one ship battles and had a few big naval victories, where they were ostensibly hopelessly outnumbered and outgunned by the largest naval power the world had ever seen), and even then they only managed to occupy the city for 26 hours before they got their asses spanked by Mother Nature.
Furthermore, the treaty of Ghent had already been signed, and the Battle of New Orleans had no effect on its terms and conditions other than to convince the British they would have to uphold them. Even more, it had been in negotiation for since long before even the Burning of D.C.
Ultimately, once Napoleon abdicated and the British weren't trying to mess with American Trade or Steal their Sailors, both sides started to look at the war as an awkward exchange that would be best put to rest. Thus, the final Peace was a white Peace with all territories returned, save some random Island America took and never gave back who's name I forget.
Furthermore again, there is a great deal of support in the historical community for the idea that the War of 1812 was one of the major, if not the most important events that lead to the fostering of Canadian Unity. Thus it is not an untenable appraisal that one of the major reasons Canada exists today is because of the war of 1812. This is especially plausible when one considers that possibly a third of all current English speakers in the British Colonies might have been American Born individuals who went to Canada purely for cheap Land.
The war had a similar effect in the USA, which had been extremely divided in its opinion of the war, with New England defiantly opposing it, to the point of openly talking of secession from the Union. These talks were then promptly cut short by the end of the war. Had the US been truly united, the war could have gone vastly differently, as a more solid foundation in New England could have provided a suitable framework to launch a more aggressive invasion of Canada. Likewise, the British Occupation of parts of New England may have been vastly different. Of course, the major failing on both sides of the war was utter retardation when it came to offenses, both by the British and the Americans, seen most clearly at the American defeat at Detroit which turned into a full scale route, allowing the British to temporarily occupy the area, and the Battle of New Orleans, where the British Commander missed every opening presented to him, and thus got his Ass Handed to him by Andrew Jackson, a relic from the days when American Presidents were still Badasses in their own rights.
The War of 1812 was effectively just a largely pointless conflict which caused few official changes, but served as a massive 'team building' exercise to Canada and the USA.
So Please, before you relentlessly butcher a complex historical event in favor of your quaint notions of patriotism, or to serve as one massive cock measuring competition, perhaps you should actually learn something about it?
Just sayin'.
And watch out for the 'Militia Myth'.
Oh, and before you get pissy with me about this and accuse me of just reading 'American Propaganda', most of my information either came from or was corroborated by The Library of CanadaIncluding the claim that the Battle of New Orleans "had no connection with Canada, nor any effect on the outcome of the war".
When you say it like that you make it sound so Sinister...
I guess they made that video during the only 4 weeks they have for summer
either that or went south to make it
Whatever goes upon two legs is an enemy.
Whatever goes upon four legs, or has wings, is a friend.
No animal shall wear clothes.
No animal shall sleep in a bed.
No animal shall drink alcohol.
No animal shall kill any other animal.
All animals are equal.
When it comes to cock measuring I will conceed that Americans are far bigger cocks then Canadian.
The Treaty of Ghent, signed on December 24th, 1814 ended the war!! Hurrah, hoop hoop hurrah!!!!. The battle of New Orleans happened on January 14, 1815. Three weeks after the war had ENDED!!! Such is the insanity of war-for-gain, or any other reason. AND btw we won, eh?
"Very funny Scotty; now beam down our clothes."
VEGETARIAN: Ancient Hindu word for "lousy hunter"
If man was formed from dirt, why is there still dirt?
And this was 200 years ago! no one cares. Point is both America and canada are cocks, admitedly America more so than canada. Neither country has done anything "great" in a loooooooooooong time or indeed ever really. The main reason America even got into its world number 1 position is because of geography..... as in it is not in europe so did not get trashed by a war. That means at the end of WW2 america was in a good position to expliot other countries.... and expliot they did. And guess what canada came along for the ride. Nothing great about either America or Canada or your 200 year old war... the end
Whatever goes upon two legs is an enemy.
Whatever goes upon four legs, or has wings, is a friend.
No animal shall wear clothes.
No animal shall sleep in a bed.
No animal shall drink alcohol.
No animal shall kill any other animal.
All animals are equal.
"And you are proving your own ignorance and dishonesty. "
Welcome to the club.
"Although British Forces, primarily veterans from the Napoleonic Wars, did make an attempt on New Orleans, they did so by way of a naval landing."
Irrelevant. Learn to read.
"Your comment implies the Canadians managed to march down to N'Arlans, which is patently retarded."
Only a fool would decide to read my comment that way.
"The Burning of D.C. was likewise accomplished by a naval raid, not an army marching southward from the border."
Also irrelevant. And plenty of Canadians in the Royal Forces. Always have been, since Canada was Canada.
"Canada's primary contribution of forces were in the militias that defended their land from American Offensive Operations, ensuring that what little territory had been occupied by either side was returned at the end of the war."
So it's official: you're a moron. Since no assault can take place without a defence, and Canadians are and were in all branches of British service, and we were
Enlightened Atheist, Gaming God.
instrumental in keeping supply lines up and going. The fact is that Canada and Britain fucked up the US, burned DC, and made it as far South as New Orleans (as pointed out, AFTER the war was over, we were still raping you pussies). AND the reason New Orleans was repelled is BECAUSE the war was over. Most troops and reinforcements and supplies were already on their way back here or Britain. That force was working on its own.
I hereby invite you and every American to shut your mouth. You want to piss on Canada, making shit up, and I WILL show your stupidity to all who care to read it. Quit being egotistical fucktards with overinflated egos and history, and you won't have to eat your own words.
Enlightened Atheist, Gaming God.
Vastet,
It was the second time that America was able to rebuff the British... one of the most powerful military forces at the time. Yes, they may have one some battles, but we won the war. I think that Americans can take pride in that... just as Canadians can take pride in eventually becoming their own nation. I'm not too clear on when Canada received complete autonomy from Britain... was it 1931? Did you have to ask politely or did you pay for that autonomy with the blood of your people?
And we're pussies.
pretty much yes.
Can't we all just get along?!
Thats what America said after a year in Vietnam
Whatever goes upon two legs is an enemy.
Whatever goes upon four legs, or has wings, is a friend.
No animal shall wear clothes.
No animal shall sleep in a bed.
No animal shall drink alcohol.
No animal shall kill any other animal.
All animals are equal.
BA-ZING!
And Latin America... and Iraq... and Afghanistan... well, you get it.
So, I don't get it. Is Vastet just trolling Americans or does he really think this way? I made a smart-ass comment in good fun on this thread and some people seem to be joking around, but Vastet seems genuinely pissed at the US and want to tell us about how the Canadians 'raped' us 'pussies' about 200 years ago (ignoring the fact the non-Candian British soldiers did virtually all the fighting against Americans at sea and on our land). This is as bad and irrelevant as an American slurring the British for loosing the Revolutionary war. After a few centuries, you should just let it go. England and Canada are our pals and noone is going to be 'raping' anyone's 'pussies.'
Maybe I just don't get this because I've never seem Canadian nationalism before.
"You say that it is your custom to burn widows. Very well. We also have a custom: when men burn a woman alive, we tie a rope around their necks and we hang them. Build your funeral pyre; beside it, my carpenters will build a gallows. You may follow your custom. And then we will follow ours."
British General Charles Napier while in India
Aye, tis a rare sight indeed... but it tends to rear its head every so often when dealing with americans and "history"
What Would Kharn Do?
Never completely
Canada is still suckling the breast of Queen Elizabeth II; she is the head of state
People who think there is something they refer to as god don't ask enough questions.
@Jeffrick;
I will state I consider both the USA and Canada to have both been the 'good guys' in the war of 1812, Britain; not so much. Both Canada and the USA had good reasons for fighting, the USA to stop Britain from stealing their sailors, and Canada because the USA was invading and kind of being big meanies about the whole thing.
And like most wars, both lost. Sort of, the National Unity fostered by the war on both sides was a powerful contribution towards their growth and development into the countries they are today. Furthermore, as this war at least partly stopped talk in New England of Secession and brought them closer into the Union, it is possible that had it not hapenned, they would have seceded when the South started Shootin' Canons, and the Union might have lost the Civil War. But at this point I am so far into speculative fiction that all bets are off. For all we know if the war of 1812 didn't happen, Nazis** Terminators with Jetpacks could have gone back in time to kill Abraham Lincolns Dog to keep it from saving the world, or something.
As for the Battle of New Orleans, you have to remember that Peace was signed in Europe, and word had to then travel to America to actually take effect. Furthermore, some sources state that the war had not officially ended until the US Congress also ratified the treaty, which had not hapenned yet. according to a review of Don't Give up the Ship! the idea that the Battle of New Orleans hapenned truly after the war was over is largely a myth. Unfortunately, I haven't read the book yet so I cannot say for certain. It is still quite regrettable that it ever hapenned, though had it not, the US might not have elected Andrew Jackson to be President
Ultimately, It was also a sorry affair to begin with and deserves to be learned from. The lesson being; (Wheel of Morality turn turn turn, tell us the lesson that we should learn. And the moral of today's story is
'Just because you are at war with someone, doesn't mean you can be a dick to everyone else'.
@Tapey+lokipro; I know amirite? This was like, so long ago. People should be able to look at it objectively by now, its not like any of us have friends who are suffering from PTSD from the incident or anything. But sadly, now I turn my attention away from happy fun times to dissecting Vastet's Response to me.
I'll try to keep it brief and light hearted. So, Once more into the Breach old Friends!
@Vastet;
At what point did I ever imply that Canada didn't do anything worth remembering, or that the Canadian Defense of their homeland wasn't vitally important to the war effort?
Oh Right, Never.
In fact;
HOLY CRAP!
Right Back atcha Buddy!
So you weren't trying to suggest that Canada ravaged the American countryside all the way down the East Coast to the Gulf of Mexico and you accept that the Burning of DC and the Battle of New Orleans were isolated naval attacks that never managed to hold any ground worth noticing? In that case, my bad.
And they made it that far south essentially purely through strength of numbers. The British Performance on the Seas was pathetic, and they lost all but one of the one-on-one ship battles to superior American Firepower and Training, as stated Here.
According to This Article The British army still received reinforements as technically the war was not over, as it wouldn't be officially over until the treaty was ratified in Congress.
This Account is generally supported, although the actual numbers on each side vary WIDELY, by other sites such as; Wikipedia and Encyclopedia Brittanica.
Really, the British Lost the battle due to a bunch of different factors including poor weather conditions, a beautiful suprise attack which made the British Hesitate long enough for Jackson to get some very solid defenses up, and the sudden loss of almost all of the British Army's upper leadership at the critical point of the battle, which caused the British Line to just stand in an open field getting blown to pieces by Grapeshot for a little while and is partly what contributed to the massive disparity in casualties.
Furthermore, as discussed with Jeffrick, the war wasn't actually over. The treaty went into the signing phase while the battle was already beginning.
I never pissed on Canada. I have never pissed on any country (Except the Netherlands, 'They've had it too good, for too long')*, the only person in this thread who has treated this subject with a serious intent to try to put down any country or people is you, so either you were reading someone elses post, or you're projecting so hard you could point your head towards a wall and use it to show off the photos from your family vacation.
Everyone else in this thread was mainly just accting like two buddies elbowing each other in the rib while laughing heartily. Look at Tapey and lokipro. And I will state now, one of the very few things I actually believe is that only those who are prepared to be laughed at should laugh at others. Lighten up.
I also find it Hi-Bloody-Larious that you accuse me of 'making shit up' when I am the only person in this thread who has actually sited sources.
For added Irony, the sources are generally the Library of Canada! HA! This isn't even an argument between an American and a Canadian, this is an argument between a Canadian and Canada!
In Closing;
I'm out of the serious discussion. If you want to keep ranting at your own Library, have fun!
*Ironically, that quote was originally directed towards Canada.
**Doesn't Qualify for a Godwin because I'm not referencing anyone else's arguments or even being the slightest bit serious.
P.S. You know how we were talking about Cock Measuring? Well it looks like Britain had the biggest one, in the form of Admiral George Cockburn
No Foolin'
P.P.S. HOLY CRAP the British Royal Navy was just FULL OF COCKS!
HA! I love this war now!
P.P.P.S. I would like to appologize to the Good Captain for making this thread about Serious Business. Can we now get this thread back on topic, namely making fun of a funny song by two silly Canadians? Please? And on the note about losin' the gun, Canada actually has quite a bit of gun ownership, being number 8 in the world according to This.
GASP! Guess we aren't so different after all
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. How 'bout a hug? Doomy? I've always wanted a Hug of Doom.
My Posts are too looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong.
When you say it like that you make it sound so Sinister...
I'm half Irish. Everyone treated us like crap in the 1800s, so I don't much care.
Fuck the English, fuck all of North America. The Scottish and Welsh are okay though.
Fucking potatos.
Oh, also:
Theism is why we can't have nice things.
Well done Sinphanius.
"Very funny Scotty; now beam down our clothes."
VEGETARIAN: Ancient Hindu word for "lousy hunter"
If man was formed from dirt, why is there still dirt?
Cleary, the most important part of your post...
No, no hugs, no hugs from Doomy, or to Doomy, or anywhere around Doomy... you can keep your damn arms to yourself! unless you happen to be trying to kill me, in which case, i fully understand and except
AND HUGGING ME TO DEATH DOESNT COUNT! -_-
What Would Kharn Do?
Sounds like someone needs a huuuuuuugggggg. come 'ere you!
Not to be confused with a Huuuuuudge. No one wants one of those.
And I agree, that was the most important part of my far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far lol far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far fa tooooooooooooo loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong Post.
Like for real.
It wasn't the best part though, that was my 'The Master' Double Thumbs Up picture.
And everyone knows that the real defense of Canada was carried out by the Mooses. Especially by those in Rooms.
Oh NO!, my posts are approaching critical-reference-mass, quick, someone find Neo, we need him to Divide by Zero!
Crap!
When you say it like that you make it sound so Sinister...