Atheists lose one

mcap
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Atheists lose one

 Ray Comfort was preaching one Sunday when he noticed a young man sitting in the front row.He seemed nervous about being there so after the service he asked the man what was wrong.He told him he was there to screw up the service so his college buddies would buy him a case of beer.Ray noticed something in his hands and asked him what it was,he opened his hand and showed him the Bible he was reading.He gave his life to Christ that day.


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Damn, and I thought he'd be

Damn, and I thought he'd be holding a banana.


Hambydammit
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 So... are we supposed to

 So... are we supposed to be shamed that a college kid stupid enough to want to screw up a church service is also stupid enough to be convinced of anything by Ray Comfort?

Stupid is as stupid does, I say.

 

Atheism isn't a lot like religion at all. Unless by "religion" you mean "not religion". --Ciarin

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You'll excuse me if I don't

You'll excuse me if I don't immediately believe your story. It's the context, really.


Hambydammit
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 So, like... seriously,

 So, like... seriously, Will... I heard that there was this guy once who was eating baby kittens and raping women for breakfast, and he was in this hotel room, and he opened the Gideon's Bible, and it opened right up to a verse that said, "Thou shalt not rape women and eat kittens before lunch."  The thing is, there's no verse in the Bible like that.  God put it there, just so he could see it.  So you know what he did?

He switched to dog.

 

Atheism isn't a lot like religion at all. Unless by "religion" you mean "not religion". --Ciarin

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LOL, that's sounds like some

LOL, that's sounds like some of the bullshit stories the gideons would tell us when they would visit our church back in the day.

"I've yet to witness circumstance successfully manipulated through the babbling of ritualistic nonsense to an imaginary deity." -- me (josh)

If god can do anything, can he make a hot dog so big even he can't eat all of it?


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Hambydammit wrote: So,

Hambydammit wrote:

 So, like... seriously, Will... I heard that there was this guy once who was eating baby kittens and raping women for breakfast, and he was in this hotel room, and he opened the Gideon's Bible, and it opened right up to a verse that said, "Thou shalt not rape women and eat kittens before lunch."  The thing is, there's no verse in the Bible like that.  God put it there, just so he could see it.  So you know what he did?

He switched to dog.

 

Ooooohhhh!

 

Um, wait, couldn't he have just waited until after noon?

 

My favourite story of someone following biblical instructions is "The Year of Living Biblically" by A.J. Jacobs. An amazing read. The part where he tries to "stone" people with tiny pebbles so they won't notice is hilarious.

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fabulae! nil satis firmi video quam ob rem accipere hunc mi expediat metum. - Terence


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Yeah. Atheists "lost" one. I

Yeah. Atheists "lost" one. I can't help thinking about dodgeball, back in primary school. We used to send the kid who couldn't play over to the other side. I think atheists "lost" one in the same way. The average intelligence of atheists went up a smidgin. Strangely enough, so did the average intelligence of Ray Comfort fans.

"Yes, I seriously believe that consciousness is a product of a natural process. I find that the neuroscientists, psychologists, and philosophers who proceed from that premise are the ones who are actually making useful contributions to our understanding of the mind." - PZ Myers


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HisWillness wrote:Um, wait,

HisWillness wrote:

Um, wait, couldn't he have just waited until after noon?

Who's got that kind of time?

"Yes, I seriously believe that consciousness is a product of a natural process. I find that the neuroscientists, psychologists, and philosophers who proceed from that premise are the ones who are actually making useful contributions to our understanding of the mind." - PZ Myers


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mcap wrote: Ray Comfort was

mcap wrote:

 Ray Comfort was preaching one Sunday when he noticed a young man sitting in the front row.He seemed nervous about being there so after the service he asked the man what was wrong.He told him he was there to screw up the service so his college buddies would buy him a case of beer.Ray noticed something in his hands and asked him what it was,he opened his hand and showed him the Bible he was reading.He gave his life to Christ that day.

OMG! He didn't even have to do his ''banana'' bit ?!

 

 

Hambydammit wrote:

He switched to dog.

''Black Holes result from God dividing the universe by zero.''


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Any bets Ray signs that

Any bets Ray signs that kid's paycheck?

"I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions."
— George Carlin


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Quote:Any bets Ray signs

Quote:
Any bets Ray signs that kid's paycheck?

Is John Edward the "Biggest Douche in the Universe"?

Atheism isn't a lot like religion at all. Unless by "religion" you mean "not religion". --Ciarin

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jcgadfly wrote:Any bets Ray

jcgadfly wrote:

Any bets Ray signs that kid's paycheck?

No thanks, my bet is that the story is total bullshit.


 

"I've yet to witness circumstance successfully manipulated through the babbling of ritualistic nonsense to an imaginary deity." -- me (josh)

If god can do anything, can he make a hot dog so big even he can't eat all of it?


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hazindu wrote:jcgadfly

hazindu wrote:

jcgadfly wrote:

Any bets Ray signs that kid's paycheck?

No thanks, my bet is that the story is total bullshit.


 

 

Are you kidding?! Have you not seen his banana argument for Creationism?! It's like, so convincing!!1!one!!!

''Black Holes result from God dividing the universe by zero.''


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That sounds like a variation

That sounds like a variation of the Darwin deathbed conversion story. Complete bullshit until proven otherwise. All Jesus stories follow this same heart tugging format.

"So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence." - Bertrand Russell

Stewie: Yay and God said to Abraham, "you will kill your son, Issak", and Abraham said, I can't hear you, you'll have to speak into the microphone." "Oh I'm sorry, Is this better? Check, check, check... Jerry, pull the high end out, I'm still getting some hiss back here."


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hazindu wrote:jcgadfly

hazindu wrote:

jcgadfly wrote:

Any bets Ray signs that kid's paycheck?

No thanks, my bet is that the story is total bullshit.

 

 

Our bets are similar. You're betting that it's bullshit and I'm betting that it's dishonest bullshit.

"I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions."
— George Carlin


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I've heard a hundred

I've heard a hundred accounts like this and rolled my eyes at all of them. No exception here.


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Oh, fuck all this rational

Oh, fuck all this rational thinking and antitheistic shenanigans, I'm now convinced that there MUST be a god.

How else could that story have bought a tear to my eye?

Please make it stop!

How can not believing in something that is backed up with no empirical evidence be less scientific than believing in something that not only has no empirical evidence but actually goes against the laws of the universe and in many cases actually contradicts itself? - Ricky Gervais


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Abu Lahab wrote:Oh, fuck all

Abu Lahab wrote:

Oh, fuck all this rational thinking and antitheistic shenanigans, I'm now convinced that there MUST be a god.

How else could that story have bought a tear to my eye?

Please make it stop!

Nice! lol

"Ignorance breeds monsters to fill up the vacancies of the soul that are unoccupied by the verities of knowledge." -Horace Mann


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:3

Ray Comfort was preaching one Sunday when he noticed a young man sitting in the front row.He seemed nervous about being there so after the service he asked the man what was wrong.He told him he was there to screw up the service so his college buddies would buy him a case of beer.Ray noticed something in his hands and asked him what it was,he opened his hand and showed him the penis he was holding. He gave his life to sodomy that day.

 

 

 

Who knew another religious leader could go down faster than Ted Haggard in a hotel. I suppose since it was a perfect fit, it was perfectly designed for it!

Theism is why we can't have nice things.


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This one time I used to be

This one time I used to be an atheist and I really hated god and stuff. I used to yell at the top of my lungs how much I hated him (you know, so he could hear all the way up in heaven). So one day I was standing out side a church handing out flyers for free abortion lessons and telling people about my belief in darwinism when I suddenly succumbed to a heart attack. All I remember was seeing a man who was about 30 years old with long brown hair and a beard. This man touched me and I was healed. I then knew it was jesus saving me. He saved me from the heart attack because of the special plan he had for me and all of you and he knew that I needed to live my life so that I could fulfil his plan. Then I felt god's grace and became a christian. From that day onward I have loved god and accepted jesus everyday.

 

Sorry atheists looks like you lost another one.


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Stosis wrote:This man

Stosis wrote:

This man touched me <SNIP>

 

Man

 

Please indicate on this sketch where that man touched you.

Can we ship this dude a rape kit, STAT!

How can not believing in something that is backed up with no empirical evidence be less scientific than believing in something that not only has no empirical evidence but actually goes against the laws of the universe and in many cases actually contradicts itself? - Ricky Gervais


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Stosis wrote:This man

Stosis wrote:
This man touched me and I was healed.

 

Please indicate on this sketch where this man touched you...

 

NoMoreCrazyPeople wrote:
Never ever did I say enything about free, I said "free."

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Answers in Gene Simmons

Answers in Gene Simmons wrote:

Stosis wrote:
This man touched me and I was healed.

 

Please indicate on this sketch where this man touched you...

 

How can not believing in something that is backed up with no empirical evidence be less scientific than believing in something that not only has no empirical evidence but actually goes against the laws of the universe and in many cases actually contradicts itself? - Ricky Gervais


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Answers in Gene Simmons

Answers in Gene Simmons wrote:
 

Please indicate on this sketch where this man touched you...

 

 

Thank you... now I am wiping refreshing H2O off my computer screen!


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Hambydammit wrote: So,

Hambydammit wrote:
So, like... seriously, Will... I heard that there was this guy once who was eating baby kittens and raping women for breakfast, and he was in this hotel room, and he opened the Gideon's Bible, and it opened right up to a verse that said, "Thou shalt not rape women and eat kittens before lunch."  The thing is, there's no verse in the Bible like that.  God put it there, just so he could see it.  So you know what he did?

He switched to dog.

And I couldn't help thinking of this:

Bill Hicks wrote:
Do you all have different books in the Bible than I do? Are you all Gideons? Who are the fucking Gideons? Ever met one, no! Ever seen one, no! But they’re all over the fucking world, putting Bibles in hotel rooms! Every one of them: “This Bible was placed here by a Gideon.” When? I’ve been here all day and I ain’t seen shit! I saw the housekeeper come and go, I saw the minibar guy come and go, I’ve never laid eyes on a fucking Gideon! What are they, ninjas? Where are they? Where are they from? Gidea? Who the fuck are these people?!

I’m gonna capture a Gideon. Yeah, I’m gonna make that my hobby. I’ll call up the front desk one day and say, “Uh, I don’t seem to have a Bible in my room.

[mod edit for formatting]

Forget Jesus, the stars died so that you could be here
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Theophobia is NOT atheism

Stosis wrote:

I used to yell at the top of my lungs how much I hated him (you know, so he could hear all the way up in heaven).

Atheists don't believe in god (and hence heaven).  God hating and screaming at said god isn't what a rational athiest does.  Theophobia (meaning hatred or fear of god) is not atheism.

Remember how you figured out there is no Santa? Well, their god is just like Santa. They just haven’t figured out he’s not real yet.