Awkward Questions about Jesus

TomJ
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Awkward Questions about Jesus

This video is from a British comedy show called Outnumbered.

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Kevin R Brown
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Q: Why didn't Jesus shape

Q: Why didn't Jesus shape shift into a Roman soldier and murder all of the soldiers looking for him in their sleep?

 

A: Look at Table 3-8 on page 38 of your 3.5 Edition Player's Handbook. Druids very plainly do not gain their 'Thousand Faces' ability until level 13. I think we call all agree that Jesus hadn't killed nearly enough Orcs or Kobolds yet to hit level 13, yeah?

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"Natasha has just come up to the window from the courtyard and opened it wider so that the air may enter more freely into my room. I can see the bright green strip of grass beneath the wall, and the clear blue sky above the wall, and sunlight everywhere. Life is beautiful. Let the future generations cleanse it of all evil, oppression and violence, and enjoy it to the full."

- Leon Trotsky, Last Will & Testament
February 27, 1940


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Holy crap that was funny

Holy crap that was funny Kevin.


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Quote:Q: Why didn't Jesus

Quote:

Q: Why didn't Jesus shape shift into a Roman soldier and murder all of the soldiers looking for him in their sleep?

Because God isn't like that.  Let me give you an example since you people refuse to believe anything I say.  Think back to a time where you failed to do an assignmnent in school, didn't do all of it, etc.  Why didn't you hurt the prof because (s)he's going to give you an F?

Yes I am a Christian. I'm sorry that there are jerks out there that have done bad things all in the name of, I ask that you don't judge all of us because of the acts of those few. I pray that you're having a great day today. Since that doesn't mean much to most people on this site lets just say that I really really hope you have an awesome day. God bless. -fatty


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God isn't like that????  He

God isn't like that????  He freaking demolished cities and mandated genocides, not to mention a world-wide flood!  I don't think offing a few Romans to protect himself would be out of his way of doing things.  Remember this is the guy who's fine and dandy with sending good people to burn forever in hell.

 

I would change your arguement to: Jesus wasn't like that.

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fatty wrote:Quote:Q: Why

fatty wrote:

Quote:

Q: Why didn't Jesus shape shift into a Roman soldier and murder all of the soldiers looking for him in their sleep?

Because God isn't like that.  Let me give you an example since you people refuse to believe anything I say.  Think back to a time where you failed to do an assignmnent in school, didn't do all of it, etc.  Why didn't you hurt the prof because (s)he's going to give you an F?

No, because I didn't put in the effort to earn a better grade.

Jesus put as muh effort into my salvation as I did to earn that F - why is he venerated?

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So funny!!!!the little girl

So funny!!!!

the little girl was cute....


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Quote:Because God isn't like

Quote:
Because God isn't like that.  Let me give you an example since you people refuse to believe anything I say.  Think back to a time where you failed to do an assignmnent in school, didn't do all of it, etc.  Why didn't you hurt the prof because (s)he's going to give you an F?

What?

 

Okay, I don't want to be a rules lawyer, but I need you to give me the page number for that rule. I can't find it anywhere in my player's handbook...

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"Natasha has just come up to the window from the courtyard and opened it wider so that the air may enter more freely into my room. I can see the bright green strip of grass beneath the wall, and the clear blue sky above the wall, and sunlight everywhere. Life is beautiful. Let the future generations cleanse it of all evil, oppression and violence, and enjoy it to the full."

- Leon Trotsky, Last Will & Testament
February 27, 1940


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 Quote:What? Okay, I don't

 

Quote:
What?

 

Okay, I don't want to be a rules lawyer, but I need you to give me the page number for that rule. I can't find it anywhere in my player's handbook...

The new players handbook is a total brain fuck to me.  So... could Jesus have used a wand of "Summon Tarrasque"?  I mean... God (the father) had killed enough heathens to be at least level 33 or 34 and be able to be properly called a god.  Couldn't he give himself the craft item skill and make a one-time use wand that could be wielded by a mortal?

 

 

Atheism isn't a lot like religion at all. Unless by "religion" you mean "not religion". --Ciarin

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 I mean... surely God has

 I mean... surely God has the spell "Wish."

 

Atheism isn't a lot like religion at all. Unless by "religion" you mean "not religion". --Ciarin

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fatty wrote:Because God

fatty wrote:
Because God isn't like that.  Let me give you an example since you people refuse to believe anything I say.  Think back to a time where you failed to do an assignmnent in school, didn't do all of it, etc.  Why didn't you hurt the prof because (s)he's going to give you an F?

 

Trust me on this:  If I had worked hard and earned a better mark and yet still got an F, I would have zapped him like Jesus did to the last five polar bears on earth.  Sadly, I do not have the Jesus zap power.  Since there are still polar bears, neither did Jesus.

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fatty wrote:Quote:Q: Why

fatty wrote:

Quote:

Q: Why didn't Jesus shape shift into a Roman soldier and murder all of the soldiers looking for him in their sleep?

Because God isn't like that.  Let me give you an example since you people refuse to believe anything I say. 

We'll believe you when you can say something believable.  Do the world a favor: read the bible from the first page to the last, pay attention and don't fall asleep during all the begats.  If that doesn't make an atheist of you then you're more gullible that I thought.

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fatty wrote:Because God

fatty wrote:
Because God isn't like that.  Let me give you an example since you people refuse to believe anything I say.  Think back to a time where you failed to do an assignmnent in school, didn't do all of it, etc.  Why didn't you hurt the prof because (s)he's going to give you an F?
Oh, I get it. God's afraid of being punished for his crimes.

Interesting. Weird, but interesting.

I have a coutner-question: Why didn't God just cause all the soldiers to just forget they were searching for anyone? "These aren't the deiteties you're looking for."

Or, just give mankind forgiveness without the whole murdering himself (his son, whatever).

 

"Anyone can repress a woman, but you need 'dictated' scriptures to feel you're really right in repressing her. In the same way, homophobes thrive everywhere. But you must feel you've got scripture on your side to come up with the tedious 'Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve' style arguments instead of just recognising that some people are different." - Douglas Murray


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haha, cute video. They do

haha, cute video. They do raise some funny questions, but then all kids ask some really cute questions. Just feel real sorry for the priest!


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Fucking Brilliant!!! I loved

Fucking Brilliant!!! I loved it! Encore!