Should I go back into the lions den?

theevolvedone
theevolvedone's picture
Posts: 31
Joined: 2008-01-29
User is offlineOffline
Should I go back into the lions den?

  I've been thinking of someway to reach this girl I really care about.  She has started going back to church.  Things have been getting more distant between us here lately because of it.  We really shared something special for a while until religion reared its ugly head in our relationship.  Now things are just iffy between us.  I've thought of going to church with her only to show her i'm making the effort to understand her and show her im not selfish and stubborn in hopes she will extend the same to me.   I just dont know if i could handle people acting the way they do since its been so long since I was in a church.  Anyway id like to hear all of your opinions.  Peace

Doubt is the root of all wisdom. - Unknown

Knowing will come from the practice of understanding - Myself


pariahjane
pariahjane's picture
Posts: 1595
Joined: 2006-05-06
User is offlineOffline
Well, if you really care

Well, if you really care about her and she's important to you then I don't really see any reason not to go to church with her.  However, I'd make sure that she knows that you're not interesting in finding faith.  Should she start trying to convert you or have others convert you, then that could a be a problem for you.  Once in while church attendance, imo, is ok.  If she expects you to go all the time then that's not ok.  As long as she understands that you are doing this not because you believe but for her I don't think its necessarily a problem.

I suppose it is a bit of a tricky situation.  Ideally, the best thing for the two of you to do is keep religion out of your relationship entirely.  Not sure how possible that is though.

I personally wouldn't have an issue going to church once in awhile but that may be because I've never really gone to church in the first place.  I imagine I would find it interesting but I do know from the few times I have been to church that it generally makes me more positive of my own position and I am perplexed how people can actually buy all the bunk.

If god takes life he's an indian giver


HisWillness
atheistRational VIP!
HisWillness's picture
Posts: 4100
Joined: 2008-02-21
User is offlineOffline
 Plenty of fish in the sea,

 Plenty of fish in the sea, dude. Best to start with someone who already sees eye-to-eye. Trust me, it's just way easier.

Saint Will: no gyration without funkstification.
fabulae! nil satis firmi video quam ob rem accipere hunc mi expediat metum. - Terence


shikko
Posts: 448
Joined: 2007-05-23
User is offlineOffline
theevolvedone wrote:  I've

theevolvedone wrote:

  I've been thinking of someway to reach this girl I really care about.  She has started going back to church.  Things have been getting more distant between us here lately because of it.  We really shared something special for a while until religion reared its ugly head in our relationship.  Now things are just iffy between us.  I've thought of going to church with her only to show her i'm making the effort to understand her and show her im not selfish and stubborn in hopes she will extend the same to me.   I just dont know if i could handle people acting the way they do since its been so long since I was in a church.  Anyway id like to hear all of your opinions.  Peace

When did she start attending again?  Was this after, or in reaction to, something that happened between the two of you?

If she told you that she'd made up her mind to be a believer, would you still want to be with her?  If you told her that you'd not been convinced to be a believer and were not interested in people trying to convert you, would she want to be with you?

In short, what is it specifically about this girl that makes you want to continue a relationship despite a difference that sounds like it's not exactly superficial?

--
maybe if this sig is witty, someone will love me.


Loc
Superfan
Loc's picture
Posts: 1130
Joined: 2007-11-06
User is offlineOffline
HisWillness wrote: Plenty

HisWillness wrote:

 Plenty of fish in the sea, dude. Best to start with someone who already sees eye-to-eye. Trust me, it's just way easier.

Not necasarily. There are girls I care about platonicly, and they aren't just another fish in the sea.

Anyway, I would try help them, but I don't see that going to church will be a good idea. She'll probably end up getting the wrong idea and try to convert you. I would want to save the friendship, but sitting through two church services would probably kill me.A frank talk might help, though more likely make her stop talking to you. It's tough. Religion and friendships don't mix.Good luck though.

Psalm 14:1 "the fool hath said in his heart there is a God"-From a 1763 misprinted edition of the bible

dudeofthemoment wrote:
This is getting redudnant. My patience with the unteachable[atheists] is limited.

Argument from Sadism: Theist presents argument in a wall of text with no punctuation and wrong spelling. Atheist cannot read and is forced to concede.


theevolvedone
theevolvedone's picture
Posts: 31
Joined: 2008-01-29
User is offlineOffline
 shikko wrote:   When did

 shikko wrote:

 

 

When did she start attending again?  Was this after, or in reaction to, something that happened between the two of you?

If she told you that she'd made up her mind to be a believer, would you still want to be with her?  If you told her that you'd not been convinced to be a believer and were not interested in people trying to convert you, would she want to be with you?

In short, what is it specifically about this girl that makes you want to continue a relationship despite a difference that sounds like it's not exactly superficial?

 

1. Just recently and not because of me.  She has wanted to do this ever since the beginning of the new year. 

2. If we got along really well, yes I would still want to be with her. 

3. I tried to end things a while back when she said something about our faith getting in the way.  I was ready then to part ways but she still wanted for us to see each other and take things slowly.  So would she still want to be with me even if there is no chance of me ever converting? Well i cant answer that exactly, I've gotten mixed signals.  She definately wants me to be a part of her life that much I can tell.   There are a few other reasons that may be causing what is going on but those are not religion related. 

4.  I've known her and a member of her family for a long while. Aside from her religion, we just get along really well. 

Doubt is the root of all wisdom. - Unknown

Knowing will come from the practice of understanding - Myself


pariahjane
pariahjane's picture
Posts: 1595
Joined: 2006-05-06
User is offlineOffline
In the long run, the most

In the long run, the most important thing you guys can do is to be totally honest with each other about where you stand.  I was under the impression that you wanted to go to church with her to show her that you are trying to understand.  If she wants you to go to church with her, I think that's something totally different.

A lot of people here think that relationships can't work between theist/non-theist and I disagree.  Of course, if someone is a super devoutly religious person, I highly doubt it would work out but I think there is some wiggle room when it comes to most relationships.

If she does want you to go to church why don't you ask her if she will intend atheist lectures or something? 

If god takes life he's an indian giver


shikko
Posts: 448
Joined: 2007-05-23
User is offlineOffline
theevolvedone wrote: 1.

theevolvedone wrote:
 

1. Just recently and not because of me.  She has wanted to do this ever since the beginning of the new year. 

2. If we got along really well, yes I would still want to be with her. 

3. I tried to end things a while back when she said something about our faith getting in the way.  I was ready then to part ways but she still wanted for us to see each other and take things slowly.  So would she still want to be with me even if there is no chance of me ever converting? Well i cant answer that exactly, I've gotten mixed signals.  She definately wants me to be a part of her life that much I can tell.   There are a few other reasons that may be causing what is going on but those are not religion related. 

So flat out ask her.  Don't beat around the bush.  It's these gray areas where problems start.  Don't wonder, ask.  This will probably be the clincher.

What are the other reasons you mentioned?

 

 

--
maybe if this sig is witty, someone will love me.


Cali_Athiest2
Cali_Athiest2's picture
Posts: 440
Joined: 2008-02-07
User is offlineOffline
If she really loves you it

If she really loves you it won't matter if you go with her or not. If you go a couple times it will be expected you might attend more often. Honestly, I would probably look elsewhere because all too often religion causes a lot of conflict as the relationship moves forward. If the relationship is all ready a little iffy I might not expect it to get any better if you are just trying to appease her.

I don't really understand a lot of women nowadays. They want a good christian man and then complain that the good christian men are a bunch of wimps. Gee I wonder why.

"Always seek out the truth, but avoid at all costs those that claim to have found it" ANONYMOUS


Slimm
Superfan
Slimm's picture
Posts: 167
Joined: 2007-03-15
User is offlineOffline
It all depends on how you

It all depends on how you want to live your life. If you think [It's not the truth that matters, it's the way you live your life] then yeah I'd go ahead and do it. Right now your faced with 2 decisions as far as "she" is concerned. You can either live a 'Lie of Love', or live the 'Truth/without her in your life/with the possibility of finding another love.

I'd tell her how you feel and if she doesn't want to be with you because you don't believe in sky daddys, just let you go because that would show she dosen't repsect your views. The thing that makes it really bad is that there REALLY ISN'T such things as gods and magic. Almost like if she believed that 2+2 equaled 100, would you want to adopt the same thinking just to be in love?

If she is distancing herself from you for religious reasons, one way to make her understand the faults of her logic would be to ask her would it be the same if I was a Muslim or any other of the 3000+ religions created through out time?

Slimm,

Quote:
"When one person suffers from a delusion, it is called Insanity. When many people suffer from a delusion, it is called Religion." - Robert M. Pirsig,


astro
astro's picture
Posts: 14
Joined: 2007-02-04
User is offlineOffline
The best thing in my opinion

The best thing in my opinion would be to accompany her and let her know

that your accepting of this. Of course, let her also know that just because

you are with her during the herding of the sheep doesn't mean you'll be one of them as well. Hopefully she understands if not, move on. Life's too short to not enjoy it.


EXC
atheist
EXC's picture
Posts: 3922
Joined: 2008-01-17
User is offlineOffline
theevolvedone wrote:  I've

theevolvedone wrote:

  I've been thinking of someway to reach this girl I really care about.  She has started going back to church.  Things have been getting more distant between us here lately because of it. 

 

My opinion is Christian churches in America are largely sex for a man's soul brothels. Christian churches appeal way more to women than men and are usually highly feminized. Many men go along with "believing" and the highly feminized culture just to get along with their woman. So maybe going along with her religion is the price you pay for sex, but at least be honest with yourself about this. If you have to lie about what you believe to get her, I think you'll regret paying that price.

 

Taxation is the price we pay for failing to build a civilized society. The higher the tax level, the greater the failure. A centrally planned totalitarian state represents a complete defeat for the civilized world, while a totally voluntary society represents its ultimate success. --Mark Skousen