Best Come Back.
Offline Ok, we've all had that moment of 20/20 hindsight when the perfect response/zinger/comeback pops into our head, minutes, hours or days too late. But every once in a while, the moon and stars aline and the entrails read just right, you get off a good one at the perfect time.
For Instance: Discussing religion with a christian associate a few years ago.
They: But what about when you are on your death bed?
Me: Easy, I'll convert to Christianity.
They: (brightening noticably) Oh?
Me: Yeah, it's better one of you bastards die than one of us...
LC >;-}>
Christianity: A disgusting middle eastern blood cult, based in human sacrifice, with sacrements of canibalism and vampirism, whose highest icon is of a near naked man hanging in torment from a device of torture.
lol Good one.
I think my best comeback was when I was talking to friend A and friend B spit out a snarky remark.
I slowly turned my head to him and said, "Was I talking to you, bitch? If I was talking to you I would say, "Hey bitch...""
I managed to do it with a serious tone and face for about 10 seconds. Then we both started laughing our asses off.
Science. It works, bitches.
"I'd take the awe of understanding over the awe of ignorance any day."
Douglas Adams
One of my best comebacks ever was about 19 years ago. (ya I am due for another) I was a service desk clerk at Target and some mean nasty old woman came in and was complaining about everything and everybody.
I smiled and nodded and was calm and cool and nice for about 10 minutes....she just wouldn't shut up.
I don't remember the exchange but it ended in her saying: "YOU are just being facetious!" And I asking her to "Spell facetious!"
She couldn't spell it and she was pissed. I just smiled and wrote it out for her on a piece of paper....of course as an added customer service!
All with a smile! Didn't want to look like I was mad...the manager was around
Revelations 1:3
Everwun what reedz these wurdz will has cheezburgrz and everwun what heerz theez wurdz will has cheezburgrz. Also, pay attenshuns, cuz iz comin. Habeeb it.
Taken from the lolcat bible
http://www.lolcatbible.com/index.php?title=Revelation_1
Not really a comeback, but a funny quip I made. One day four of us were in the car on the way to work when we saw a young girl in her pajamas jogging along the street by a church, heading away from it. Instantly and with a straight face I said, 'Must be a catholic church." Everyone thought it was pretty funny, though we all agreed it would have been more so with a little boy.
Loc'n'Load
Psalm 14:1 "the fool hath said in his heart there is a God"-From a 1763 misprinted edition of the bible
My uncle married a girl who was 14 and a virgin. They had three children in 10 or so years together. When they were talking about divorce, my (ex-) aunt said, "I wish you were a better kisser then I could forget all of our problems."
My uncle replied, "Fuck you for knowing the difference."
"Thoughts, like fleas, jump from man to man, but they don't bite everybody." - Stanislaw J. Lec
When talking about the Catholic Church I think it is hard to argue with Christopher Hitchen's instant classic of belonging to a church whose motto is "no child's behind left."
“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.” Yoda
We were talking about religion at work and one of my co-workers said, "how do you get out of bed in the morning?"
I replied, "why do you need god to get out of bed?"
She shut up and hasn't mentioned religion since.
Zen-atheist wielding Occam's katana.
Jesus said, "Suppose ye that I am come to give peace on earth? I tell you, Nay; but rather division." - Luke 12:51
"If i wanted a come back outa you, i'd take my dick outa your mouth first"
to much? >.>
What is it YOU want? "The usual — hundreds of grandchildren, utter domination of the Known Worlds, and the pleasure of hearing that all my enemies have died in terrible, highly improbable accidents that cannot be connected to me."