Do unto hookers as you would have hookers do unto you.
Posted on: March 25, 2008 - 8:23pm
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Do unto hookers as you would have hookers do unto you.
Time for some irreverent fun and games.
Take any passage or quote from the Bible and replace some part of it with the word "hooker" or "hookers"
Quote:
Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is hookers.
Quote:
My hooker! My hooker! Why hast thou forsaken me!
There are a lot of passages in there!
A place common to all will be maintained by none. A religion common to all is perhaps not much different.
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Blessed are the hookers: for they shall inherit the earth.
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"I guess it's time to ask if you live under high voltage power transmission lines which have been shown to cause stimulation of the fantasy centers of the brain due to electromagnetic waves?" - Me
"God is omnipotent, omniscient, omnibenevolent, - it says so right here on the label. If you have a mind capable of believing all three of these divine attributes simultaneously, I have a wonderful bargain for you. No checks please. Cash and in small bills." - Robert A Heinlein.
Do you suppose that I came to bring peace to the world? NO, not peace, but hookers!
Yea, through I walk through the valley of the shadow of hookers, I will fear no STD, for thou art my box of condoms, my rod and my staff shall they comfort.
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"I guess it's time to ask if you live under high voltage power transmission lines which have been shown to cause stimulation of the fantasy centers of the brain due to electromagnetic waves?" - Me
"God is omnipotent, omniscient, omnibenevolent, - it says so right here on the label. If you have a mind capable of believing all three of these divine attributes simultaneously, I have a wonderful bargain for you. No checks please. Cash and in small bills." - Robert A Heinlein.
A place common to all will be maintained by none. A religion common to all is perhaps not much different.
"man shall not live by hookers alone."
Not from the Buybull but a funny religion related quote by a pimp:
"Church is for heaven but hoes are for havin'"
Matt Shizzle has been banned from the Rational Response Squad website. This event shall provide an atmosphere more conducive to social growth. - Majority of the mod team
No Officer, it's not what you think, I'm a priest and we are having a very private mass. My rod and My staff, they comfort her...
LC >;-}>
(with appologies to Bill Maher)
Christianity: A disgusting middle eastern blood cult, based in human sacrifice, with sacraments of cannibalism and vampirism, whose highest icon is of a near naked man hanging in torment from a device of torture.
When two full years had passed, Pharaoh had a dream: He was standing by the Nile, when out of the river there came up seven hookers, sleek and fat, and they turned their tricks among the reeds. After them, seven other hookers, ugly and gaunt, came up out of the Nile and stood beside those on the riverbank. And the hookers that were ugly and gaunt ate up the seven sleek, fat hookers. Then Pharaoh woke up.
proverbs 1:24
Because I have called, and ye refused; I have stretched out my hand, and no hooker regarded.
proverbs 31:26
She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of hookers.
leviticus 22:14
And if a man eat of the holy thing unwittingly, then he shall put the fifth part thereof unto it, and shall give it unto the hooker with the holy thing.
Slowly building a blog at ~
http://obsidianwords.wordpress.com/
And on the third day God created hookers; and He saw that they were good.
John 3:16
For god so loved the world, he sent his only hooker, so whoever believes in him might not perish but have eternal bliss.
Psalm 14:1 "the fool hath said in his heart there is a God"-From a 1763 misprinted edition of the bible
Argument from Sadism: Theist presents argument in a wall of text with no punctuation and wrong spelling. Atheist cannot read and is forced to concede.
A message of prayer to Elliot Spitzer
Be persistent in prayer, and keep alert as you pray, giving thanks to God. At the same time pray also for us, so that God will give us a good opportunity to preach his message about the secret of Hookers. For that is why I am now in prison.
“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.” Yoda
For god so loved the world that he sent his only begotten hooker, that whosoever shall believe in him shall not suffer blue balls, but have everlasting fellatio.
(Look! I accidentally created Islam!)
A place common to all will be maintained by none. A religion common to all is perhaps not much different.
But the spiritual man receiveth not the things of the Flesh of Hookers: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because they are sexually discerned.
I'm surprised nobody has used the Song of Songs!
The voice of my hooker!
Behold, she comes,
leaping over the mountains,
bounding over the hills.
My beloved is like a gazelle
or a young hooker.
Behold, there she stands
behind our wall,
gazing through the windows,
looking through the lattice.
My hooker speaks and says to me:
"Arise, my hooker, my beautiful hooker,
and come away,
Atheist Books, purchases on Amazon support the Rational Response Squad server, which houses Celebrity Atheists. Books by Rook Hawkins (Thomas Verenna)
Genesis 6:8
But Noah found grace in the eyes of the hooker.
In the beginning god created the hooker, and it was good.
Genesis 22:1 And it came to pass after these things, that God did tempt Abraham, and said unto him, Abraham: and he said, Behold, here is a hooker.
Exodus 8:21 Else, if thou wilt not let my people go, behold, I will send Swarms of hookers upon thee, and upon thy servants, and upon thy people, and into thy houses: and the houses of the Egyptians shall be full of swarms of hookers, and also the ground where-on they are.
Isaiah 7:14 Therefore the Lord himself shall give you a sign: Behold, a hooker shall conceive, and bear a son, and shall call his name John Holmes.
Mark 13:7 And when ye shall hear of hookers and rumors of hookers, be ye not troubled: for such things must needs be; but the end of hookers shall not be yet.
Luke 6:37 Judge not, and ye shall have hookers: condemn not, and ye shall have hookers: forgive, and ye shall have hookers.
John 10:11 I am the good shepherd: the good shepherd giveth his life for his hookers.
Matthew 10:16 Behold, I send you forth as hookers in the midst of pimps: be ye therefore wise as pimps, and harmless as hookers.
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"I guess it's time to ask if you live under high voltage power transmission lines which have been shown to cause stimulation of the fantasy centers of the brain due to electromagnetic waves?" - Me
"God is omnipotent, omniscient, omnibenevolent, - it says so right here on the label. If you have a mind capable of believing all three of these divine attributes simultaneously, I have a wonderful bargain for you. No checks please. Cash and in small bills." - Robert A Heinlein.
Matthew 8:18-19
Now when Jesus saw great hookers about him, he gave commandment to depart unto the other side.
And a certain hooker came, and said unto him, Master, I will follow thee whithersoever thou goest.
(The holy mojo is strong indeed.)
A place common to all will be maintained by none. A religion common to all is perhaps not much different.
and J said love the enemy, I meant hooker ......
This thread is cooking , thanks for that , Sheezzzz
keep on , MORE ! Please !
Atheism Books.
Love your neighbour as your hooker.
Thou shall have no other hooker before me.
Whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the hooker.
She goes about as a might hooker, seeking who she may devour.
And jesus said to Peter, I tell you the truth, before the cock crows, you will have hookered me three times
Psalm 14:1 "the fool hath said in his heart there is a God"-From a 1763 misprinted edition of the bible
Argument from Sadism: Theist presents argument in a wall of text with no punctuation and wrong spelling. Atheist cannot read and is forced to concede.
YES YES , the bibull is starting to make perfect sense now !
Revelation 1:4
John,
To the seven churches in the province of Asia:
Grace and peace to you from him who is, and who was, and who is to come, and from the seven spirits, before his throne, 5 and from Jesus Christ, who is the faithful hooker, the firstborn from the hookers, and the ruler of the kings of the hookers.
Atheism isn't a lot like religion at all. Unless by "religion" you mean "not religion". --Ciarin
http://hambydammit.wordpress.com/
Books about atheism
Genesis 7:2 Of every clean hooker thou shalt take to thee by sevens, the male and the female: and of hookers that are not clean, by two, the male and the female.
Joshua 24;1 And Joshua gathered all the hookers of Israel to Shecham, and called for the hookers, and for their head hookers, and for their judge hookers, and for their officer hookers and they presented themselves before God.
Jonah 1:17 Now the Lord had prepared a great hooker to swallow up Jonah. And Jonah was in the belly of the hooker 3 days and 3 nights.
Matthew 5:30 And if thy hooker offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy hookers should perish, and not thy whole body of hookers should be cast into hell.
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"I guess it's time to ask if you live under high voltage power transmission lines which have been shown to cause stimulation of the fantasy centers of the brain due to electromagnetic waves?" - Me
"God is omnipotent, omniscient, omnibenevolent, - it says so right here on the label. If you have a mind capable of believing all three of these divine attributes simultaneously, I have a wonderful bargain for you. No checks please. Cash and in small bills." - Robert A Heinlein.
From Luke 8:
As Jesus was on his way, the crowds almost crushed him. And a hooker was there who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years, but no one could heal her. She came up behind him and touched the edge of his cloak, and immediately her bleeding stopped.
"Who touched me?" Jesus asked. When they all denied it, Peter said, "Master, the people are crowding and pressing against you."
But Jesus said, "A hooker touched me; I know that power has gone out from me."
Then the hooker, seeing that she could not go unnoticed, came trembling and fell at his feet. In the presence of all the people, she told why she had touched him and how she had been instantly healed. Then he said to her, "Hooker, your faith has healed you. Go in peace."
St. Paul on Hookers
1 Cor 11:6-7 For if the hooker be not covered, let her also be shorn: but if it be a shame for a hooker to be shorn or shaven, let her be covered. For a man indeed ought not to cover his hooker, forasmuch as she is the image and glory of God: but the hooker is the glory of the man.
1 Cor 14:34-35 Let your hooker keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto the hookers to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience, as also saith the law. And if they will learn anything, let them ask their pimps at home: for it is a shame for a hooker to speak in the church.
1 Thess 4:6 That no man go beyond and defraud his hooker in any matter: because that the Lord is the avenger of all such, as we also have forewarned you and testified.
Jesus refused his choice of hookers.
Matthew 4:8-9 Again, the devil taketh him up into an exceeding high mountain, and showeth him all the hookers of the world, and the glory of them. And saith unto him, All these hookers will I give thee, if thou wilt fall down and worship me.
____________________________________________________________
"I guess it's time to ask if you live under high voltage power transmission lines which have been shown to cause stimulation of the fantasy centers of the brain due to electromagnetic waves?" - Me
"God is omnipotent, omniscient, omnibenevolent, - it says so right here on the label. If you have a mind capable of believing all three of these divine attributes simultaneously, I have a wonderful bargain for you. No checks please. Cash and in small bills." - Robert A Heinlein.