The Asshat Academy
Offline I keep imagining the reason Christians often bring up the same arguments and misconceptions is they go to a place called "The Asshat Academy" to train them. I'm imagining their advertisement...
Tired of not knowing what to say to Atheists? Mad they continue to mock God at the peril of their own immortal souls? Want to put them in their place? Well, for just $899 a semester you can learn how to defeat them at the Asshat Academy!
---Learn these amazing facts:
Atheists know God exists, they just don't want to restrict their snful behavior
Atheists just hate Jesus
Atheists all had something bad happen to them to make them become atheists.
--- Learn these brilliant arguments that no atheist has ever heard before, which will dazzle them into accepting Jesus (unless they are totally depraved)
You can't disprove God, therefore God exists
Pascals Wager
The Ontological Argument
The Kalam Argument
The Universe exists and Earth is adapted for life - therefore God esists
The Bible says God is real and Jesus is his son. SInce God wrote the Bible it's true.
Miracles happened therefore God exists
Amazing stories send by e mail that prove God exists. They must be true! No way any stories sent by e mail could ever be not true!
Some atheist did a bad thing, therefore God exists
Some Christian was very intelligent and/or did good things, therefore God exists.
Someone was once an atheist and became a Christian. Therefore God exists.
And more!
---- Scare them into believing in God by telling them they will go to hell! They've obviously never heard of Hell or they would believe!
Yes, you can run circles around atheists and other heathens online and in debates! Call 1-800-DUMB-ASS and start spreading the faith!
* No refund if you fail to convince even a single atheist.
Matt Shizzle has been banned from the Rational Response Squad website. This event shall provide an atmosphere more conducive to social growth. - Majority of the mod team
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Atheism isn't a lot like religion at all. Unless by "religion" you mean "not religion". --Ciarin
http://hambydammit.wordpress.com/
Books about atheism
FO SHIZZLE BIZL. Funny stuff.
But WAIT! There's so much MORE!
Call in the next ten minutes and you'll recieve 'The Christian's Blackbag' absolutely free as part of your enrollment kit. This key package of academic materials is absolutely filled with jaw-dropping articles that will practically do all your converting for you, including:
- Genuine video, audio and written confessions by the most prolific 'atheists' and other 'men of science' throughout history - including modern atheist guru Richard Dawkins - proving that they, in fact, believe in God!
- Your own specially edited King James Bible, with the inapplicable, inaccurate and outdated stories aready blacked out for you! Hand that book over with confidence that only the true message can be interpreted!
- Your very own blessed, crucifix-embroidered blindfold. Have your friends put it on and look around themselves, experiencing the world as it's meant to be seen!
- An authentic historical record of atheistic atrocities, from the holocaust to God's flooding of the Earth. Show your loved ones that this just isn't the way.
That's right! Call NOW, and recieve your enrollment in Asshat Academy - a program normally valued at the cost of your firstborn child's life - for just $899.99, and recieve your Christian Blackbag absolutely free! Don't delay - operators are standing by!
- Leon Trotsky, Last Will & Testament
February 27, 1940
Now that I've had a chance to think more I could have worded the e-amil one as "Of course we know every story that has ever been forwarded by e mail is true, just as surely that we know the Bible is 100% historically accurate and contains no contradictions!"
Matt Shizzle has been banned from the Rational Response Squad website. This event shall provide an atmosphere more conducive to social growth. - Majority of the mod team
It is a common misconception even among atheists that AiG Ministries stands for "Answers in Genesis Ministries", it's actually "Asshats in disGuise Ministries".
Organised religion is the ultimate form of blasphemy.
Censored and blacked out for internet access in ANZ!
AU: http://nocleanfeed.com/ | NZ: http://nzblackout.org/
We call it "The 700 Club" around these parts.
Also covered in this course: How to end debates.
After you have used all of the above arguments, which we guarantee no atheist has ever heard before, you need to seal the deal. This is simple. Just tell them " I feel so sorry for you. My heart actually aches for you. I'll be praying.' This is very important .You do not want them to think a single thing they said made any sort of dent in your faith armored brain.
Even though their blinded hearts choose to ignore the irrefutable truth of your previous arguments, even their master satan cannot block their hearts from jesus' love through you. When they hear your words, they will fall to the floor and be saved, forgetting all their foolish logic.
100% GUARANTEED!!!!
Psalm 14:1 "the fool hath said in his heart there is a God"-From a 1763 misprinted edition of the bible
Argument from Sadism: Theist presents argument in a wall of text with no punctuation and wrong spelling. Atheist cannot read and is forced to concede.
I want FREE pussy ..... I really really do ..... lots and lots of free pussy ...... what was this thread about ????? GOD ?
Whatever .... I want what I want , NOW , and to those that would deny me ,
Atheism Books.