What do you eat ? The Atheist cookbook : Quick an easy recipes...... Post yours !

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What do you eat ? The Atheist cookbook : Quick an easy recipes...... Post yours !

Here is one for the carnivorous guys ! Girls... try it to, it's good !  This one is quick (not even 20 minutes), easy, lean (almost) and I love it !  What you need :  Horse meat (steak format) : "Don't eat horses ! They are so cute !" Yeah yeah yeah fuck away ! I eat horse ! Get over it !
 Any vegetables that you can sauté. (carrots, celery, broccoli etc...)
Garlic (powder will do)Celery seeds.Oil (grapeseed oil is always better)Cream (any kind of cream that is over 3% milk will do just fine... Take coffee cream, that'll do) Water.And...A fucking frying pan ! (stainless steel please... What the fuck are you guys doing with anti-slippery bullshit pans anyways ? We're not cooking eggs here !)   Now !  What to do :
   This is true for every single fucking thing that you bake in a pan. Pour a bit of oil in the pan and let it warm up. The oil HAS to be really hot before doing anything or else what you cook will taste like shit, period. The fire as to be over the medium bar, the nob as to be almost 3/4 turned.  Once it's hot, throw the vegetables in. Add a bit of celery seeds (not to much cause it's really tasteful) and add every other spices that you want to. (Don't ask me how long it takes to cook them, figure it out yourself. When you think they are ready, they are ready.) Now remove the vegetable from the pan and put the pan right back onto the fire (leave all the shit that the vegetables left sticking in the pan) and throw the horse steak onto it.  Cook it like you want to (bloody or not) and then remove it (again... and this is important, leave all the shit that is stuck in the pan there) Pour a bit of water in the pan and let it boil a bit. Add some garlic powder and while it boils you want to clean the pan so that all that was stuck onto it is now floating in the water. When it's clean... Poor a bit of cream in there so that it turns into an off white kinda mixture.  Now pour this sauce onto your horse, put the vegetables on the side and...  Bon apetit !            

 

Si Dieu existe, c'est Son problème !
If God exists, it's His problem !--Graffiti on the walls of the Sorbonne (France), May 1968
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Hambydammit
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Where the hell do you get

Where the hell do you get horse meat?

hmmm... anyway...

OK.  Here's a really easy one.   Sapient will vouch for this one.

Fried Catfish Tacos

Soft taco shells

Catfish (you can buy pre-cut chunks, or cut them yourself, but they need to be bite sized)

Duke's mayo

Fresh garlic

Lemon

Vegetable oil (If you have peanut oil, mixing a little in helps, but don't go out of your way if you don't have it.)

Good lettuce -- fuck iceberg.  Get romaine, or something dark.

Red onion

jalapenos 

fresh tomatoes (Roma work well)

cheese (optional) 

Batter:

2 cups bread crumbs, 2 tsp garlic powder, 2 tsp onion powder, 1/2 tsp cayenne powder, 1 tsp salt, 1/2 tsp pepper, 1/2 tsp paprika  -- these are all approximate.  You can make it however spicy you want.

Milk

All purpose flour

 

Ok.  Heat up a couple of inches of oil to 350 degrees (ish) in a pot.  Slice up your lettuce, tomato, onion, dice the peppers, and grate some cheese (optional)

Next, mix about 1 cup Duke's mayo,  (Duke's is the best.  Don't settle for less.) two to three cloves garlic, finely chopped, half a teaspoon of lemon juice, and a teaspoon of lemon zest (just grate the outside with a cheese grater)  This is your aoli.

Put out three bowls.  Place flour in one.  Mix all the bread crumbs and spices in another, and put milk in the last one.  Take your catfish chunks and pat them dry.  Dredge in flour.  Dip in milk.  Dredge in breadcrumbs.  Do them all before you start frying.

Place about 3-5 at a time in the oil, and fry for 5-6 minutes, or until golden brown but not dark brown.

Assemble tacos:  three or four pieces of fish, about two teaspoons of aoli on the inside, onion, lettuce, tomato,  peppers, cheese (optional)

 

Atheism isn't a lot like religion at all. Unless by "religion" you mean "not religion". --Ciarin

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The ffrf actually has an

The ffrf actually has an atheist cookbook.


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Hambydammit wrote:

Hambydammit wrote:

Where the hell do you get horse meat?

hmmm... anyway...

I don't know for you guys, but here, it's in every single supermarket in the meat section. If you can't find horse use beef... But horse if so much better. And use red wine instead of water if you use beef.

Si Dieu existe, c'est Son problème !
If God exists, it's His problem !--Graffiti on the walls of the Sorbonne (France), May 1968
romancedlife.blogspot.com


Iruka Naminori
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I thought these were

I thought these were supposed to be atheist recipes?

Shouldn't it be more along the lines of:

  1. Take two six-week-old kittens that have never eaten solid food.
  2. Bash them gently against the nearest brick wall. Peel, gut and skewer with sage.
  3. Sautee in barbecue sauce with cloves, shittake mushrooms, bats' wings, gecko livers and essence of human baby.
  4. Cook over open fire around which howling imps, witches, demons and various forces of darkness dance.
  5. Eat and enjoy!

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Hambydammit
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A little tip for GDIO's

A little tip for GDIO's recipe... take the cream out of the fridge before you start cooking.  Let it get to room temperature before adding to the mix.  Cold cream sometimes curdles when you add it to hot liquid.

If you forget, mix a little bit of the hot liquid (just a little!) into the cream.  That's called tempering, and it will raise the temp of the cream so that it won't curdle.

Trust me.  Cottage cheese is not a good sauce.

 

Atheism isn't a lot like religion at all. Unless by "religion" you mean "not religion". --Ciarin

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Hambydammit wrote: A

Hambydammit wrote:

A little tip for GDIO's recipe... take the cream out of the fridge before you start cooking. Let it get to room temperature before adding to the mix. Cold cream sometimes curdles when you add it to hot liquid.

If you forget, mix a little bit of the hot liquid (just a little!) into the cream. That's called tempering, and it will raise the temp of the cream so that it won't curdle.

Trust me. Cottage cheese is not a good sauce.

 

Eye-wink

You are absolutely right about room temp cream and cottage cheese lol. 

Si Dieu existe, c'est Son problème !
If God exists, it's His problem !--Graffiti on the walls of the Sorbonne (France), May 1968
romancedlife.blogspot.com


Hambydammit
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Iruka, you make a solid

Iruka, you make a solid point...

Instead of catfish, go to a local butcher and have them kill the Lamb of God.  Get the shoulder roast.  Trim fat, but leave a little.  Coat with a rub of Kosher salt, rosemary, and garlic.  Sear in a very hot cast iron skillet with a little oil, until all sides are browned. Put the pan into the oven, and bake low and slow for 1.5 to 2 hours.  Maybe 250-275, tops.

Oh... if you want, you can add some veggies -- onion, carrots

If you want to get really feisty with the only begotten son of god, you can take it out of the oven and pull the meat so it looks like pulled pork.. you know... short strips.  Put all the veggies and the pan drippings in the blender and puree.  Add back into the skillet, and add some red wine.  Put Jesus back into the pan and simmer.

Reduce until the liquid is thick and the lamb of god is so tender that you wouldn't believe he'd torture you forever for not believing in him.

 

Atheism isn't a lot like religion at all. Unless by "religion" you mean "not religion". --Ciarin

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Girl Dancing In Orbit

Girl Dancing In Orbit wrote:
Hambydammit wrote:

Where the hell do you get horse meat?

hmmm... anyway...

I don't know for you guys, but here, it's in every single supermarket in the meat section. If you can't find horse use beef... But horse if so much better. And use red wine instead of water if you use beef.

It's illegal to sell horse meat in the US.

Matt Shizzle has been banned from the Rational Response Squad website. This event shall provide an atmosphere more conducive to social growth. - Majority of the mod team


Girl Dancing In...
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MattShizzle wrote: Girl

MattShizzle wrote:
Girl Dancing In Orbit wrote:
Hambydammit wrote:

Where the hell do you get horse meat?

hmmm... anyway...

I don't know for you guys, but here, it's in every single supermarket in the meat section. If you can't find horse use beef... But horse if so much better. And use red wine instead of water if you use beef.

It's illegal to sell horse meat in the US.

Thanks for suppling me with another reason not to go live in the states. :P 

 

Si Dieu existe, c'est Son problème !
If God exists, it's His problem !--Graffiti on the walls of the Sorbonne (France), May 1968
romancedlife.blogspot.com


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I figured out how to get

I figured out how to get the best performance out of my ingredients in a quick omelet. It ain't pretty, but life seldom is.

3 strips bacon

1/4 cup cheddar (or any good melting cheese)

5 eggs (don't add salt, you don't need it)

Slice the bacon across at 1/4" intervals, cook in lightly greased frying pan on medium until crispy as hell. Drain off excess grease. Add cheese. Allow it to brown a bit, then stir it around. When cheese is fully melted, and hopefully browned in parts, add the eggs. The difficulty here is getting them to cook evenly, but since you did your other ingredients first, you're not in danger of overcooking them for their sake. Toss the ingredients together in the pan using a spatula, and remove for heat just before they look done.

This can be adapted into a prettier French style omelette if you're a style wonk.


Hambydammit
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If you really want to

If you really want to impress the hell out of your guests, use a nonstick pan and cook your bacon, cheese, and maybe some bell peppers, onions, and practically any other veggie you want.  Mix your eggs with about a quarter to a third cup of cream, and half again as much water.  (I do like to throw a little salt in, but it depends on the bacon.)

Pour your eggs over and then don't fuck with it.  Let the bottom solidify slightly, and then put the whole thing in a 325 oven for 12-14 minutes, or until just cooked all the way through.  Flip the thing over and top with some more cheese.  Cut into slices and serve as you would a quiche.

Technically, it's called a frittata.  That's Italian for "Quiche without the storebought piecrust."

 

Atheism isn't a lot like religion at all. Unless by "religion" you mean "not religion". --Ciarin

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I AM GOD AS YOU
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   Steaming hot, Girls

[ edit/delete: me was nasty