Did you get the memo?

gatogreensleeves's picture

To: The Old Guard
From: The New Management
Subject: New Memo
Date: 10/24/2006

Note to staff,

All theists will be responsible for this information in their next review by a non-theist.

In light of AIG's release of arguments we think creationists should NOT use, Management thinks that this is an appropriate time to draw your attention to three erroneous positions assumed by theists who are still using those ubiquitous old memos:

1. "Belief in evolution/science is analogous to faith in God."

Please refrain from further use of this non- comparison. Faith is not a type of knowledge. It neither requires evidence nor gives us any method for determining what is true or false. It is therefore, by definition, utterly distinguished from, and not analogous to, scientific knowledge. The old memo that encouraged you to equate faith with everyday beliefs that certain events will or will not happen is no longer valid, because even those types of beliefs are based upon empirically determined calculations (e.g. assumptions based on habitual recurrences), and not solely wishful thinking for unproven ideas or events that don't habitually recur (although wishful thinking may sometimes accompany an assumption that a common recurrence will again recur, it is not intrinsically tied to it, as it is to faith). Please be informed that even this second kind of (everyday) belief is less accurate than scientific knowledge. Scientific knowledge is tested in controlled settings with rigorous standards- and even then, is still only considered functional after substantial peer review. Last, faith is not a virtue. Compared to critical thought, it is the laziest option available. Think about it. The paper shredder is available until 6:00.

2. "The odds of evolution happening by chance are too astronomical to have occurred."

Please refrain from further use of this old memo. Management has determined this to be a half- truth. Random/chance events exist, but are coupled with natural selection, which is not random, and thus, those outrageous statistics are brought down to acceptable levels. Management has also determined that the odds we ascribe are flexible, because we lack the sufficient data (or applicable know-how) for the overwhelming universal parameters of such statistics. Even still, the improbability of any evolutionary event is never more improbable than the God hypothesis, which gets more improbable every day as evolution solidifies its fact status.

3. "Atheists have no morality or subscribe to insubstantial relative morality."

Please refrain from further use of this out-dated memo. Management has determined that, due to overwhelming evidence worldwide, morality is a social contract accessible to everyone. It is a mutually agreed upon standard of living, aiming to create the most functional environment possible for mutual happiness. "Immorality" is what impedes the functionality of this environment and the mutual happiness of its members. Different environments give rise to different social contracts, which can change as those people apply the changes they consider to be improvements in time. Belief in absolute morality, as evidenced in the bible and elsewhere in history, does not necessarily improve the behavior or quality of life of its devotees (Prison Investigation) to any greater degree than those who believe in relative morality. Management has determined that absolute morality actually impedes ethical progress by not allowing for the changes inherent in an evolving world with evolving needs. Ironically, most of the adherents of absolute morality (usually theists) do not adhere to it absolutely. The parameters of absolute morality are most often still perceived by its adherents relative to circumstance (e.g. Thou Shalt Not Kill is suspended in times of war, defense of criminal acts, keeping babies from growing up to be potential enemies [Numbers 31], etc…- most of the other Commandments are also amended for one relative reason or another in the same way or even discarded all together when inconvenient). Absolute morality applied in a manner relative to circumstance only functions as temporarily absolute, although this is frequently overlooked by its adherents.

We realize that the old memos have been circulating for many years now, and may have served you well in the past, but the time has come to put them in the circular file.

Thank you for your continued persistence (idol hands…!),

The Management

"If Adolf Hitler flew in today, they'd send a limousine anyway" -The Clash

darth_josh's picture

Whew. I thought that I was

Whew. I thought that I was going to have to hold onto the old response memos forever. Thanks, Management.

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gatogreensleeves's picture


The New Management likes to get the ball rolling....