1.)James Kirk can trust his crew to not fuck things up while he’s gone. Jesus Christ’s crew started the Catholic Church.
2.)Jesus Christ turned water into wine. James Kirk, given the uniform on his back, the boots on his feet, a universal translator and the mineral deposits and plant life on a planet, made a cannon out of bamboo, saltpeter, coal and sulfur and blew away a Gorn.
3.)Peter once cut off a Roman guard’s ear. Spock nerve-pinches people.
4.)When all seemed lost, Jesus cried to his father to take this cup from him. James Kirk grinned, flipped open his communicator and said, “Kirk to Spock, its been two hours. Are you ready?” to which Captain Spock replied, “Right on schedule, Admiral. Just give us your coordinates and we’ll beam you aboard.” James Kirk then stood, cocked an eyebrow at Lieutenant Saavik and said, “I don’t like to lose.”
5.)In Jesus Christ’s most desperate moment and nailed to the cross he cried, “My god, my god, why hast thou forsaken me?” James Kirk, after losing his son and having Enterprise crippled, said, “I swear to you, we’re not finished yet.” He then disposed of over half the Klingon crew by activating Enterprise’s self-destruct, threw the Klingon commander into a pit of lava and hijacked the Klingon Bird of Prey, took it back in time, retrieved several humpback whales and returned to 2286 in order to save the planet yet again.
6.)In Jesus Christ’s presence, Lazarus returned from the dead. In James Kirk’s presence, at least Dr. McCoy and Captain Spock were returned from the dead.
7.)Jesus Christ’s last words – “Forgive them, for they know not what they do.” James Kirk’s last words – “It was… Fun. Oh, my…”
8.)Jesus Christ died saving an entire race from an unproven, intangible ‘threat’ called ‘Hell’. James Kirk died saving an entire star system from a very real threat, having their star imploded, and successfully saved humanity and Star Fleet on multiple occasions – and survived the vast majority.
9.)Jesus Christ was imprisoned, flogged and crucified. James Kirk has been imprisoned on multiple occasions, and escaped every single one of them.
10.)What would Jesus do? Turn the other cheek. What would James Kirk do? Change the rules, cheat death and go down fighting.

Winner – Captain James Tiberius Kirk, U.S.S. Enterprise, Commanding