My best friend died a few minutes ago of a brain tumour. I already miss him. I've never known anyone I could trust as much as him. Noone else I could comfortably talk to about anything at all. Politics, religion, girls, life, death, stupid shit, important shit.
It was just a few years ago I met him. The time we had was too short. I loved him as I would a brother. Probably more than a brother.
I couldn't be at his side when he passed. The ice storm made that impossible. The taxi companies said they weren't travelling out of town, and I was unwilling to risk anyone else I care for. I know he would have been horrified if anyone got hurt trying to see him when he was sedated and unable to even recognise it, but I still feel like shit for not being there.
I take some solace knowing that the rest of his friends and family were with him. He was not alone.
He was 28 years old. A couple years after we became friends he was diagnosed with the tumour when he started having seizures.
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i cannot claim complete originality with any of these ideas. these short statements comprise my general worldview after a humble thirty-one years of existence. i post them here to invite comment and also to clarify and systemize these thoughts for my own convenience.
1. everything that a human is capable of exists in him already: just as matter can neither be created nor destroyed, no part of human nature can be created nor destroyed. external stimuli may serve as catalysts, though said stimuli will not be catalysts for the same reactions in all humans, and in many humans said stimuli will not be catalysts at all. these reactions are possible to predict only in the most general way, and even that only after great effort and with no small measure of talent. regardless, at base, every human is capable of every possible act.
2. nothing is more important for the greater part of humanity, subjectively speaking, than preserving as much human life as possible. there being no more logical standard of determining "right" and "wrong," this standard is the most expedient to adopt.
3. clarity in communication is the most important factor in moving toward a world that is generally more tolerable. it is also difficult to obtain because it requires a great deal of both effort and humility, two things of which humanity is in chronically short supply.
I'm laid off. Again. I hate life right now and it's justified because of how badly I got fucked in losing this job. The people involved didn't care, they didn't listen, they were incredibly unprofessional, massive miscommunication, sexist (all female staff) and the site I was working at was a sinking ship where corporate turned a blind eye. I was set up to fail from the get-go, but I held on because I really needed the cash. I did my job the best I could and tried to make sure my kids had a fun environment. Sometimes, though, that's just not enough.
I had a brief angry moment, but I realized that I'm better off without those fucks and I'm looking to move onto a place where I'm much better appreciated and paid better because we weren't paid nearly as well as we should have been. I say "we" because I got really friendly with the kinder teacher and this job is essential for her right now due to a really really fucked up year. Husband turned to drugs, stole all her kid's stuff and basically raped her soul after twelve years of marriage. Really sad. We got pretty close and she takes so much shit at this place it's astounding, but she has to hang with it for the same reason that I had to. She does things the site director and site supervisor should be doing, the higher ups leave early and we didn't get what we needed.
I'm up late tonight as one of my favorite dogs is getting ready to pass. He was doing really well for the last few months then about three weeks ago it all started south for him.
In dog years he is almost 14, 98 human years old. He has heart problems, tumors, voice box issues and a problem with his hips. We have him on meds hoping he could make it to Thanksgiving when my sister in law would be home from out of the country. She helped raise him from a pup so it's kind of important for us that she is here.
The weird thing is that you'd never know he was sick by looking at him. If he moves around too much you can see he is out of breath, so most of the time he just lays down. When it is time to eat he has a full appetite and looks for more when he is done. He also drinks water, poops and pees normal.
It sucks... death that is... but when I think about it I wouldn't want to live forever. These thoughts of being like a vampire and living for a 1,000 years is like worse than death. I don't think I would want to live more than 100 years if I was unlucky enough to live that long.
Either way, if his situation worsens I'll need to put him down humanely.
Which still makes me wonder. Why are we humanely putting down dogs? but forcing humans to suffer? Doctor assisted suicide is humane and should be legal in every state. Is it the same delusion we have to believe in a god as it is to let our loved ones to suffer?
Sheldon Adelson is the nation’s 11th richest person, and he says he will spend any amount of money to outlaw online gambling. He claims it is immoral, but he is in fact the chief executive of casino company Las Vegas Sands. So is he a champion of justice trying to defend us from the evils of online gambling , is he just a greedy SOAB who wants to use government regulations to keep his business profitable or maybe a little bit of both?
"My moral standard compels me to speak out on this issue because I am the largest company by far in the industry and I am willing to speak out. I don’t see any compelling reason for the government to allow people to gamble on the Internet and nobody has ever explained except for the two companies whose special interest is going to be served if there is gaming on the Internet, Caesars and MGM.”
he claimed online gambling would cause people to lose their homes
But Adelson also thinks that online gambling is “suicidal” for the U.S. casino industry in the long run and will destroy hundreds of thousands of jobs.
For roughly six or seven years now I've talked about getting rid of cable television.
At first, I dumped cable and went to DirectTV. This worked for a while and then I got tired of DirectTV's bullshit hidden charges and their schemes to trick you in to added programming with out your permission. I found myself having to review the monthly bills for crap I didn't order.
Then I tried PrismTV but they don't have it in my neighborhood which ended up being a bad thing for my local phone company because I told them to go fuck off. They switched my phone service from $13 a month to $32 a month when I didn't even ask for it.
We had just 911 service and they put me on their new plan even after I told the asshole on the phone "I can't get Prism here because the engineer said I can't; so no, I don't want to switch. Do not switch me".
So the end came when I had switched back to cable and my bill was $185 (internet and tv). I realized that by having 1,000 channels of complete shit was being supported by me (and every one else). No one actually watches most of these loser shows and my money was going to support them even though I didn't watch them.
Today I now have ROKU which I can say is awesome, even though I don't have ESPN or some other channels. I instead have my computer to give me all my sports updates and I can watch highlights later if needed.
Now I'm paying $63 a month, not forgetting the $99 a spent for the box.
Eminem and Rihanna have a hit here. Great new song, deep meaning. Rihanna has monsters, one of them being the fact she had another relationship with Chris Brown after being physically abused by him. Eminem has monsters... for example pain from not getting to live "as a regular civilian" or because of his OCD "conking me in the head." In fact he's willing to admit "I am nuts for real."
Being friends with the monster is being able to cope with our weaknesses. We all have at least one... somewhere. Do you manage to navigate life by being friends with the monster? Maybe you let the monster get the best of you. As we mature we learn to live with these flaws better.
I can only speak for my 36 years of experience, but I think I'm friends with the monster, it wasn't always that way.
[Hook - Rihanna:]
I'm friends with the monster that's under my bed
Get along with the voices inside of my head
You're trying to save me, stop holding your breath
And you think I'm crazy, yeah, you think I'm crazy
Do you have a little time for a little easy online atheist
We have re-opened posting on the Atheism United wiki, it was closed due to uncontrollable spam. Over the years many people have asked me to put a link to their website on this site or one of the other sites I manage. My solution was to help all atheist sites by making the longest list of atheist sites ever created. I can always use your help, even if just to be a watchful eye attacking spammers. Please link to the list on your own blogs and sites. Why?