I've recently started translating the Bible on my livejournal account. The premise is simple. I convert it into a fairy tale style, and assume everything is true. I've been working off of the NIV, simply because I don't feel like going to the extra trouble of reading the antiquated style of the KJV. To date, I've only done four stories, but I plan to make this an ongoing series.
For your enjoyment, I present two stories of Joshua. Enjoy.
HOW GOD TAUGHT US WHERE HEAVEN IS
Once upon a time, there were some people who lived in a place called Amalek. They were called Amalekites. There was a time when they were very mad at the Israelites. When they found out that the Israelites were at a place called Rephidim, they sent their army out to attack the Israelites.
Picture the scene...it's back in the old, old, old, old days. Back when we were digging grubs up out of the ground to eat, and that damned sabre-toothed tiger kept eating half the village. Og (Our hero) was out getting some grubs to smear on his genitals as part of a mating ritual (Og has a big date tonight. He polished his club, and even got Grok to go and pick some flowers. Too bad Og doesn't know that Shirley, his date, was being eaten by that damned sabre-toothed tiger while he was out.) Well, Grok was on a hill, picking some flowers and debating throwing his bone club into the air and letting it metamorphosize into a spaceship. Well, a large flash of light came from the clouds and incinerated poor Grok. And here we get to the first point of this weeks diatribe.
Today's stupid question.. what is the dumbest or most non-sensical thing you can blame Racial Tensions on. and you have to back up your statements!
For me.. it's Sesame Street..
Let me explain...
The Chicken, The Egg, The Forest, and the Trees
Well, you see, it goes a little something like this. I have a habit of solving (or at least trying to solve) one Universal Mystery(tm) once a week. Usually before breakfast. One of the more recent solvings is actually one I'm rather pleased with myself for.
Which came first, the Chicken or the Egg? Quite the paradox. It's been used for years to represent the kind of question that cannot be answered. It's like the "Can God make a rock so big He cannot lift it?" question. Granted, I plan on working on that one after a big bowl of Wheaties and OJ. But I digress. I have pondered the Chicken/Egg dilemma for a while. I honestly thought I would figure out this one while I was drunk/stoned/tripping/whatever, but nope. There I was, sitting in my bed re-reading the tattered copy of the Principia Discordia which has been a constant travelling companion for years now. The answer hit me like the metaphorical Ton of Bricks, which was a lot less intrusive than a real Ton of Bricks would have been. (Thank you Eris) Anyway, the answer is....
Ok guys I am a fairly lazy person. Really I am, I need some good motivation to really do all this typing. A mean pushing all these keys and focusing on the screen is really using up a lot of energy. So how do I have one of the highest point scores? The only people who have more points then me is Sapient, MattShizzle, and todangst. Why aren't all you people sharing your thoughts?!?! If you haven't even registered WHY THE FUCK HAVEN'T YOU?!?!?! I'm the only really mean one around here, most of us have some sort regard and reverence for other peoples thoughts. I really should be in the middle somewhere...
Authoritarian systems of dominance and control. That is what the educational system is all about. Learn to submit, learn to yield, learn how to be controlled.
In the classroom of any school, children are forced to sit quietly and listen to the dominant authority, the teacher. This authority provides them with both questions and answers, and children are forced to accept both. Dominance, control, submission.
At home, the situation is the same. Parents have placed their children in the role that they were in when they were children, and the cycle continues. Dominance, control, submission.
These are some of the signs of the last day our prophet Muhammed (pbuh) warned us about.
[The Hour, is a reference to the day of Judgement or the end of the world]
Seventy-two (72) signs of Trials and Tribulations
Sayyidn'a Huzaifah has narrated that the holy Prophet predicted that seventy-two events shall occur in the period close to the Day of Judgment. These are:
(1) People will begin to miss their prayers and pay no attention to them.
'Porn in America'
Tuesday: How the porn industry makes more money than all professional sports entertainment combined. Part two of the "Porn in America" series.
Hidden. Forbidden. Addictive. "Porn in America." Meet the people who make it, who are addicted to it, and who have become rich off it.
Sorry no I am not posting porn, but I'm sure you can find some if you really want it. Glenn Beck is waging a little war one this calling it an addiction and says it destroys families. http://www.cnn.com/CNN/Programs/beckseries/ I just finished watching a segment on Headline Prime, not his show, about the subject. So why are they reporting on this? What do these people expect to be done?
Humans are the only species where the female continues to have engorged breasts even when they are not pregnant. A popular line of thought is that evolution has produced this effect as an aesthetic mating rite. The thought is that men like women's breast because the pair of breast come together and look like a woman's butt. Alternatively, there is a line of thought that a woman who has large breast gives the impression of being able to bear lots of children and produce lots of milk.
However, observation depicts a totally different scenario.
I woman who is in good physical condition generally has an upper body that is not totally dissimilar to a man who is in good physical condition. This is very indicative of sociological processes and traditions taking place.
Parents often complain that their children are so irresponsible. Yet when that same child assumes any form of responsibility, those same parents claim that they are too young to take on responsibility.
A fourteen-year old girl that goes out and comes home pregnant. "She's too young to have babies!" Appearantly, nature doesn't think so.
There was once a time when children were expected to be responsible for their behaviour. There was once a time when a thirteen- or fourteen-year old girl was expected to be married, and to be responsible for the household and raising of children. In some cultures, that is still the case.