In 1998 I was diagnosed with NHL. So much easier to type that than non-Hodgkins Lymphoma, not only because of its brevity but it seems to make it easier to disassociate myself from it. I went though 6 chemo treatments and went into remission for a decade plus.
Tonight I replied to a thread about my deconversion. A fortunate thing for me is I wrote down my prayers, this was the late 60s, early 70s. I have found it helpful to look back and see where I was and what I was thinking. Sometimes we can only understand who we were in retrospect. So this might be purely an indulgence, but I thought I would digitize some of what I wrote from a composition book made in Albany, NY by a company called Eastern Tablet. It cost me 79 cents. The book is holding it somewhat together, but the pages are quite yellowed. The cover crackles when I open it. I fear one day it will fall apart in my hands. But it is a snapshot of who I was and am. I was a strong believer and today am proud of myself for having gone through such a thing. As the saying goes what don't kill you will make you stronger.
Even I be earnest, Let it be. Take my life Lord, yea even when I'm ready. If it be Thy will for me to live and grow more so, yea, let it be. If it be your wish that I become a minister unto the people, yea make it known to an erring and unbelieveing one. For Thine wish is yea, even unto mine. Let it be Lord.
Psalms 40:8 wrote:
I delight to do Thy will, O my God
Yea they law is within my heart