An atheist, evangelist, born-again, and youth pastor enter a bar...

Sapient's picture

I don't have the joke yet.

An atheist, evangelist, born-again, and youth pastor enter a bar...  [YOU FINISH IT]

This weekend I'll be spending some time with an evangelist, born-again, and a youth pastor.  We'll likely not be discussing religion, although it could come up.  The situation seems like a joke I've heard before, or at least wish I had.  Is there a joke out there that could be edited slightly to fit the bios of the men?  Can you come up with a joke for it?  If your joke doesn't work in a bar, feel free to change the location.  

Hit me with your funny. 

- Brian Sapient


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Jeffrick's picture

limericks

         There once was a Jew from Peru          Who was vainly attempting to screw        His wife said  "Oy- vey!!            If you keep   up this way.         The  messiah will come before you."  

 

"Very funny Scotty; now beam down our clothes."

VEGETARIAN: Ancient Hindu word for "lousy hunter"

If man was formed from dirt, why is there still dirt?

Jeffrick's picture

pt. 2

 

 

          An atheists was fishing in Scotland one day when his boat was suddenly attacked by the Loch Ness Monster. The boat capsized and the man was tossed skywards.. As  he flew through the air towards the monsters open mouth,  he screemed "Oh God help Me!!"

          Immediately everything was frozen in place.  The ferocious attack stopped and the atheist was left suspended in mid air.  A booming  voice came down from the clouds.  "I thought you didn't believe in me!"  

          "Come on god,  give me a break, " said the man.  "two minutes ago I didn't believe in the Loch Ness Monster either."

"Very funny Scotty; now beam down our clothes."

VEGETARIAN: Ancient Hindu word for "lousy hunter"

If man was formed from dirt, why is there still dirt?

EXC's picture

Sapient wrote:I don't have

Sapient wrote:

I don't have the joke yet.

An atheist, evangelist, born-again, and youth pastor enter a bar...  [YOU FINISH IT]

So the three Christians ask "What would Jesus drink?" Then they decide they will order round of drinks based on what they believe Jesus would drink, the atheist agrees to go along with this.

So the youth pastor orders a round of virgin bloody marys because he would want to set a good example for the youth. So they all drink a round.

Then the born-again orders a round of wine because Jesus turned water into wine. So they all drink a round of wine.

Then the evangelist orders a round of Budweiser because the king of kings would drink the king of beers. So they all drink a round of bud.

Then the atheist grabs everyone's cup, pulls out his dick and fills up everyone's cup with his piss and puts the cup in front of the Christians. They all ask "Why do you think Jesus would drink urine?" The atheist replies "I don't, I just think you Christians will swallow anything".

 

 

“Religion is regarded by the common people as true, by the wise as false, and by the rulers as useful.” Seneca

Brian37's picture

EXC wrote:Sapient wrote:I

EXC wrote:

Sapient wrote:

I don't have the joke yet.

An atheist, evangelist, born-again, and youth pastor enter a bar...  [YOU FINISH IT]

So the three Christians ask "What would Jesus drink?" Then they decide they will order round of drinks based on what they believe Jesus would drink, the atheist agrees to go along with this.

So the youth pastor orders a round of virgin bloody marys because he would want to set a good example for the youth. So they all drink a round.

Then the born-again orders a round of wine because Jesus turned water into wine. So they all drink a round of wine.

Then the evangelist orders a round of Budweiser because the king of kings would drink the king of beers. So they all drink a round of bud.

Then the atheist grabs everyone's cup, pulls out his dick and fills up everyone's cup with his piss and puts the cup in front of the Christians. They all ask "Why do you think Jesus would drink urine?" The atheist replies "I don't, I just think you Christians will swallow anything".

 

 

An atheist, evangilist and a youth pastor are walking down the city street, and make a right turn, not realizing they had hit the red light district. The atheist turns to see a porno shop and says:

"I don't suppose you guys would want to go in"

The Evangilist responds, "No, if I see another video with me and that hooker"

The youth pastor says, "Naw, they don't sell kiddy porn and I can get the real thing in a tent at a retreat"

 

"We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus -- and nonbelievers."Obama
Check out my poetry here on Rational Responders Like my poetry thread on Facebook under BrianJames Rational Poet also on twitter under Brianrrs37

Hambydammit's picture

 EXC wrote: .... funny joke

 

EXC wrote:
.... funny joke ...

I LOL'd

Atheism isn't a lot like religion at all. Unless by "religion" you mean "not religion". --Ciarin

http://hambydammit.wordpress.com/
Books about atheism

Brian37's picture

An atheist, a Muslim and an

An atheist, a Muslim and an Evangelist are driving through Nevada and pass by the Bunny Ranch,

The atheist asks,

"I don't suppose you guys would want stop and go in?"

The Muslim responds, "No, the last time I saw a naked ankle, I got a woody on a public buss and rode it all day. I think an exposed face would give me a heart attack."

The Evangelist responds, "No, too public, public restrooms are more private".

 

"We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus -- and nonbelievers."Obama
Check out my poetry here on Rational Responders Like my poetry thread on Facebook under BrianJames Rational Poet also on twitter under Brianrrs37

Brian37's picture

An atheist a Jew and a

An atheist a Jew and a Priest go to a Chinese joint.

The waitress comes up and asks, "May I take your order?

The atheist says, "I'll have nothing"

The Jew asks "Do you have any specials?"

The Priest says, "I'll have Cream Of Some Young Guy"

 

"We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus -- and nonbelievers."Obama
Check out my poetry here on Rational Responders Like my poetry thread on Facebook under BrianJames Rational Poet also on twitter under Brianrrs37

EXC's picture

Hambydammit wrote: I LOL'dI

Hambydammit wrote:

 I LOL'd

I stole punchline from another good joke:

Q. Why doesn't the Christian religion have food one is not permitted to eat like other religiouns?

A: Because Christians will swallow anything.

 

More good answers to WWJD(What would Jesus drink)?

A martini, why do think he was always going up to the Mount of Olives?

The Gethsemene Gulp
Pilates' Poison
the Judas Kiss

Jesus Juice
The Pope's Mote
Skeptic's Crusafix
Brandy Resurrection
Creamy Cross
Guilty Slam

Muddy Bloody Nutty Nazarene

Back from the dead shots.

Bloody Mary mix, Worchestershiririririre sauce, pinch of cayenne, pinch of brown sugar, tumbler of vodka, garnish with a spike. It's called The Stigmata.
 

Jesus, who does your nails?

 

 

“Religion is regarded by the common people as true, by the wise as false, and by the rulers as useful.” Seneca

Answers in Gene Simmons's picture

An evangelist, a born

An evangelist, a born again, an atheist and a catholic priest (youth minister) are on a ship at sea when it hits a huge iceberg and begins to sink.

 

The evangelist drop to his knees and begins to pray for the lord to save him.

 

The born again screams “Save the children first!”

 

The atheist screams “Fuck the children!”

 

The catholic priest says “Do we have time for that?”

NoMoreCrazyPeople wrote:
Never ever did I say enything about free, I said "free."

=

The Doomed Soul's picture

Brian37 wrote:The Priest

Brian37 wrote:

The Priest says, "I'll have Cream Of Some Young Guy"

 

Ah Daily Show, what punch-lines we'd never use without you...

 

What Would Kharn Do?

Renee Obsidianwords's picture

EXC wrote:Sapient wrote:I

EXC wrote:

Sapient wrote:

I don't have the joke yet.

An atheist, evangelist, born-again, and youth pastor enter a bar...  [YOU FINISH IT]

So the three Christians ask "What would Jesus drink?" Then they decide they will order round of drinks based on what they believe Jesus would drink, the atheist agrees to go along with this.

So the youth pastor orders a round of virgin bloody marys because he would want to set a good example for the youth. So they all drink a round.

Then the born-again orders a round of wine because Jesus turned water into wine. So they all drink a round of wine.

Then the evangelist orders a round of Budweiser because the king of kings would drink the king of beers. So they all drink a round of bud.

Then the atheist grabs everyone's cup, pulls out his dick and fills up everyone's cup with his piss and puts the cup in front of the Christians. They all ask "Why do you think Jesus would drink urine?" The atheist replies "I don't, I just think you Christians will swallow anything".

 

 

BRAVO!  Smiling

 

Slowly building a blog at ~

http://obsidianwords.wordpress.com/

ragnarok's picture

Great Joke

ROTFLMGDAO!!!