Cognitive dissonance is painful as you should know. 

While my mother was dying - and before the anoxia and pain meds took her mind away - she told me that she knew I didn't believe in god, but that she believed we would be together in the afterlife.  So in my mom's eyes, god loved her enough to force me to be with her in heaven.  My sister has the same belief.

I honestly don't know which fantasy is worse - burning forever, or forced to hang out with the sadistic MF.

I'm still hoping for peaceful, pain free, oblivion.

This sort of breaks the stereotypes that us Atheists are purely evil, sociopathic, hate-filled people that have no moral compass to live by doesn't it ?

While most christians would be shouting to the heaven's for a miracle, exclusively delivered for them and to hell with everyone else, here, we have an Atheist that is stating that if god DID exist, he would rather god focus on the needs of other people over his own. '

Wait a minute ! You mean atheists can be charitable, altruistic, and caring towards their fellow humans ? Even above themselves ? Honest to no-god, who could have conceived of that ?

HS,
Bastard red-headed children have a better grasp on reality.

Jon Snow as an example. I like him better than any of his half, full Stark, brothers.

UPDATE
On Aug 7th I finished up 10 days of radiation treatment on my lumbar region. It was so unbelievable how well it worked reducing my pain in that area to near zero when before it was at times an 8 or 9 on a scale of 10.

Got a mediport in my chest Friday. Tommorrow I get my first chemo treatment. It will take 6 to 8 hours. Then I go back Tuesday for another treatment which takes a couple of hours. Then I do that every 4 weeks for 5 additional months.

It certainly is going to be tough but hopefully spring 2013 this will be beat back into remission and I can focus on petty shit again.

If you find yourself in hell, keep going - Winston Churchill

to hear the pain is back in the box, Ex-Min. All the best with this next treatment, mate. Keep it going.  

Virtual hugs for you and your family and loved ones. 

I am very glad the pain is almost entirely gone.  I know just how exhausting being in pain all day and night can be.  Hang tough, rooting for ya.

Empathetic relief for your missing pain.

Chemo is pretty nasty too I believe, but presumably not as bad.

One day at a time. Good luck.

Awesome.

  Thanks so much for the update.  Please keep them coming. Sounds like good news

Glad to hear that the pain is gone ex-minister.

Might want to take the bike out for a spin to celebrate. 

Keep us posted and stay strong.

well it has been quite awhile since I have done an update. I went through radiation, which did so much for my pain in my lower back and right leg. Then I went into chemo treatments. They are once a month for two days. At the end of October I had my third one. The oncologist said it would be a good time to check. So last week I had an mri (ugh) and a ct scan. This past wednesday I went to see the doc to hear about it. There are 3 areas, tumors, of concern and all three have shrunk. The most significant shrinkage was the radiation one, but the other two show the chemo is working. Such a relief. There is a problem of some stranding and attenuation in my mid-abdomen that needs to be addressed, but he thinks it might be from the radiation, which would be good. If the chemo is doing it then not so good. But anyway nbr 4 (of 6) treatment is Monday.
My mother is quite happy that her prayers and others prayers have been answered.
I know it was your guy's prayers that really got answered.
Thank Enki for modern science!!!

Does the chemo make you feel fuzzy headed and awful much of the time?

Well it's good to hear that the tumors have shrunk and your doing better. Glad you updated us on the situation. Keep on keeping on and stay strong.

Really happy to hear you success.

Since I'm extremely late to post on this thread, may make a suggestion? Take up meditation as a daily practice?

X,
I get the treatment once a month and for about 5 to 7 days, my brain is fuzzy, I feel nausea, I am tired, can get sharp pains in my abdomen, and the normal body function signals are weaker, feels like everything slows down. Then progressively I feel better and can do more.

Harley...thanks. I am more hopeful now.

Digital,
I do practice meditation. It really helps a lot. Stopping my squirrel cage brain is a great benefit and helps me sleep when I need it.

That's better than I imagined.

No doubt many of us will end up needing chemo one day, so one could even dare say that your suffering is our future gain.

It is so dependent on what type of cancer you have, but they progressively know more & more and the treatments get better. In 1998 the gave me a treatment called CHOP. That was a living hell. They still do CHOP, but I hope and expect it is easier to take. Once you have done CHOP, you cannot do it again. Your body has built up an immunity. I am doing Rituxan now. It was clinical trial back in '98, but now it is common. My doc told me up front it would be easier. So many are surviving cancer these days. Science is getting better and better. For some odd reason prayers don't have the same track record even though they had millenias of practice.

hey ex,

happy to see you're doing better.  i'm rooting for you.  i've had so many relatives taken by cancer.

when it comes to chemo, have you tried pot?  i've never used the stuff in my life--alcohol has always been enough for me--but if i ever had to go on chemo, i think i'd take it up.  is medical marijuana legal in your neck of the woods?

I've read several articles that talk about how beneficial marijuana is for treatments like these. Something the big pharmaceutical companies don't want the public knowing.

I've never really smoked it much, I like the effects of alcohol better, like you do.

But medical marijuana has more benefits than the public realizes.

 Glad to hear the good news ex, keep us posted and I'll keep sacrificing a couple of extra kittens for you. 

I wanted to say that I have had several friends with cancer and it started out innocently as a pain in their back or a small bump on the skin. Some horrible stories about, "what if I knew more and reacted quicker" and because of their delays in responding they passed away; this frightens me a little. My body is racked with pain constantly from head to toe. I'll be a crippled, if I live that long, as arthritis takes over my body due to the cruel mistreatment I gave it in my youth. Often I wonder, "is this new pain cancer?".

I feel such compassion for people with these disease.

Ex-Min. Take care of yourself.